Chosen Mistake

Author: Stacie

Rating: R

Summary: Lies, mistakes, and the betrayal of a parent make the consequences so much more painful.

Disclaimer: Plot is mine, characters are not.

Distribution: You have any iof my fics, go ahead and take. Others, please ask.)

Pairings: B/A, A/C, (hint of B/X, B/S, maybe more later.)

AN: This is going to be confusing. I just know it is. My Dad and I were watching Angel last night and got into the big full blown discussion about what if's and the real origin of Buffy and past Slayers. Anyways, he asked me what if Buffy wasn't the Slayer? What if there was a mistake in her calling and then he asked me what if she wasn't who she thought she was, what she thought she was? What if this chain reaction starting out with a truth kept hidden about Hank? I can't tell you exactly what it is, but its good. So, we begin with a recap of Buffy's life, her POV, her feelings, her life. Look for hints and clues in this fic, I assure you, they will be there. ;) Enjoy!!!

Small AN: Lindsey is back for Wolfman and Hart and Lorne still works at Caritas.



Los Angeles-December 2003

I never really liked the sun. Now that I look back on everything that's happened, I really didn't. It made me itch. My eyes would water and gets all bloodshot. I guess I never really noticed it though, or maybe I ignored it. But, that's not really the point. Or maybe it is. Maybe I shouldn't have overlooked it. Maybe, just maybe everything wouldn't have been such a shock. But, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I wish things could have been different. But that would have made things worse. It's better that I didn't know what I know now at first. I mean, I thought I was a freak just being the Slayer, who also happened to be in love with a vampire with a soul, who also happened to be banging an evil vampire. What would have I thought if I knew that…

Heh heh.

Silly me.

Here I go again, getting ahead of myself. I'm too impatient. Ask anyone. Angel, Dawn, Willow…hell, even if you ask Spike, he'll tell you I'm impatient. But, for different reasons. So, don't ask him.

Anyways, life sucks. Especially the life I have. Mom and Dad started to fight. Mom and I moved to Sunnyhell, and I lose all contact with dear old Dad. Then I become the Slayer, and just happen to fall in love with a vampire. Everything is like a mix between Edgar Allen Poe and Shakespeare. We bang each other, (and what a night that was…), then he turns evil and kills and tortures some friends. Ok, nothing I can't handle, because I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer,(insert me cringing). I have to send him to hell and end up running away. I come back I practically flunk my way through school, but score ass kicking grades on my SATs. So, ok, cool.

But, enough of that. Where was I? Oh yeah…


I loved him so much. And I still do. He left. He said that he couldn't give me what I needed…

//I want my life to be with you!//

//I don't.// Said I needed someone to take me out in the sun. But how can they when I hate the sun? He was exactly what I needed, considering the circumstances neither of us knew about. So, he breaks my heart into a million billion pieces and I fall into my little funk of sorrow that I've never really gotten over, and my thing with Spike only made it worse. I go, and do the slay-girl-at-college thing. I actually liked it. I meet Riley Finn and I manage to convince everyone close to me that I love him. Except Spike…

//Caption Cardboard…//

Which is, in its own, that something I'll never understand. Anyways, he leaves, I guess I didn't need him as much as I had thought. Then Mom.. Oh God…Mom…

//We can't move the body!//

Mom dies. She leaves me to raise a 14 year old. To grow up faster. I miss her so much. Meanwhile Glorificus bitch shows up and opens yet another hell dimension portal. So, being the 'Good Samaritan' I am, I jump through it to save my sister that really isn't my sister.

//Live…for me.//

So, I die. And, it's really not that bad. Not scary, not jagged. I was just kind of nothing. A safe comfortable nothing. And, my friends, -God knows I love them, but you think they wouldn't get a clue?-, bring me back and I have issues. I felt tight and itchy in my own body and hate it. So, I turn to Spike. The one worst decision of my life.

//You belong in the dark…with me.//

But, I boot him to the curb-finally!-and he goes and gets himself a soul. A soul! (Insert me laughing at the irony that I call my life.)

So, I get over it all. I try and make a living, I freaking become a whopper flopper (Would you like fries with that?) to try and support my sister, but does that work? No, it all blows up in my face. So, ok, no surprise, no big deal, don't lose your cool. So, I go and try to be a school councilor. But, do I even have the slightest idea of what to do? Hell no. So, ok. That doesn't work either. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Become a hooker on Main and Revello? Sorry, no thanks. If there's one thing I have left, it's my pride and dignity. Something I'm not about to give up.

And, I don't. I have a new idea. I'm starting over. And that's how everything turned upside down.


Part 1

Sunnydale-October 2002

"So…" I said one day at breakfast to my sister.

She looked at me with her blue cat like eyes, "What?" She asked.

"I saw Dad." I said, bluntly.


We weren't generally fond of our Father. He missed too much of our lives and quite frankly, didn't know us at all.

"Well, I actually went to see him." I answered, twisting my fingers, a new nervous habit.

"Why?" Dawn's voice held suspicion.

"Well, I decided I wanted to go back to school." I said.

"I thought we didn't have any money?" Dawn asked, her eyes wide.

"We didn't. Now we do. He's given me an allowance, so to speak." I answered, taking a bite of my sugar coated cereal.

"What about me?" Dawn demanded, jealous.

"Well, I suppose Dad will give you an allowance. You're going to live with him." I said, then weakly muttered, "Surprise."

"What?!" Dawn exploded, "What the hell do you mean I'm going to live with him? I can't. You can't make me!"

"Actually, I can." I replied calmly.

"I hate you! Why are you doing this?" Dawn asked, her eyes blazing.

" I have too." I sighed.

"Why?" She asked shrilly, "Can't not be selfish for one minute?"

"Selfish?" I yelled, "Listen to yourself for a moment then you go ahead and talk about selfishness."

"I hate you." Dawn hissed.

"Personally, I don't care. Dawn, I can't do this. I'm not Mom. I'm only 21, I can't take care of a 15 year old. Besides, you need to get out of the town. And you should get to know Dad." I said.

"Whatever. When do I leave?" Dawn pouted.

"This Saturday." I answered.

"Damn you." Dawn muttered, then ran out of the house.

I sighed and rested my head on her counter. Dawn just didn't see that it would be better to live with Dad. He could take care of her, he had money and didn't have issues involving that of what goes bump in the night.

But she would see, I was sure of that. I went to the computer that Mom had bought shortly after she had been diagnosed. For what reason, I didn't know. I logged on my name and waited for it to connect. I made myself a sandwich and clicked on my inbox. I had two new messages. Oh, how popular I was. One was from Dad. I opened it and read it.


To: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Hank Summers"

Subject: (no subject)

Hi sweetie. How are you? Have you picked your classes yet? Maybe you should take Mythology. Your Mother always said you were into that sort of thing. Did you tell Dawn about the move How did she take it? Hopefully well. I'm glad you agreed, Dawn will be happy here and so will you. You're too young to be taking care of her. I hope that, that was enough money for you. Tell me if it wasn't. Jeanine says hi.




Jeanine was Dad's girlfriend. Apparently they met at a job meeting in Spain. She was living with him. She was nice, I guess. I saw no bonding with her. She was only 5 years older than me. Whatever. I guess she and Dawn would get along. Maybe. I would answer him back later. I clicked on the other one. It was from…



To: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Angel" DarkAvenger@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: Hi

Buffy. Hi. How are you? It's been awhile. I hope you don't mind me sending this to you. Willow mentioned your screen name to Wesley who mentioned it to me. So, what's new in Sunnydale? Any new demons? Probably, like always. So, how are you? I already asked that, I know. But, we haven't talked….since that day at the spot. You seemed different. I'd like us maybe to meet up sometime. I miss you.




I banged my head on the desk, hard this time.

"Oh God…" I moaned.

Why, why, WHY did he have to do this? Why is he making me think about him. Damn him. I know I should answer him, but I really don't want too. I don't know if I can. What am I supposed to say? I love you and want you back, I need you. I'm sick of doing this alone. I can't. I have to be strong. I sigh. I click off and shut down the computer. I need to do something to take my mind off of this.

I end up at the gym, something I've missed. When you come back from the dead twice, and have an affair with your worst enemy…working out isn't really on your mind. At least it wasn't on my mind.

If it's on yours, you're a scary person and I'm not sure I want to meet you.

So, anyways, I end up spending 3 hours at the gym, lifting the weights, and running on the treadmill. All these guys keep staring ay my boobs and my butt. Not sure if that's a good thing. I finally look at the clock and…


I have totally forgotten about Willow and Xander coming over. I'm kind of glad I forgot. I'm not totally comfortable around Willow yet. She, well, she scares me. To see someone, my best friend, go over the edge like hat. But, I did it too. I fell into the punishing arms of Spike, which I still can't believe and wish it was a bad dream.

I walk home slowly and the house is quiet. As it always is. Never too loud. I go upstairs and see Dawn sitting in her room, staring at the heaps of dairies and clothes on her bed.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"For what? Ruining my life? No big." Dawn mutters, her voice like venom.

"I'm saving you. Someday you'll thank me." I whisper.

"Saving me from what? What, Buffy? A life I love?" Dawn asked shrilly.

"No, a life you'll learn to despise. I'm getting you out while you still can." I said, my eyes tearing.

"What are you talking about?" Dawn asks, defeated.

"Do you know how much I wish I could leave? I would love to get on a plane and never look back. But, I can't. Because I have a *duty*. " I stressed the word and my lips grimaced, "I hate it. Hate what this town has made me, my friends, my family. I don't want it to happen with you."

I turned and walked into my room, shutting my door and wiping my eyes.

If only I could get on a plane…

I'd never ever look back.


Saturday came.

Dad came.

With his girlfriend.


Dawn looked horrified to see Dad, especially with such a young women… But, they were in love. I could see it. The looked at each other like someone used to look at me. I had to look away because it made me sad. Dad pulled up in the drive and smiled when I appeared on the porch. He got out of his car and hugged me, like a real Dad would. I hugged back and he pulled away, smiling.

"My little girl." He murmured.

"Dad…" I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"So, where's my Sunrise?" Dad asked.

That's what he used to call Dawn, his sunrise.

"In there." I answered.

Dad went in and Jeanine walked up tentatively. She was terribly shy with me and Dawn.

"Hi." She said softly.

I smiled, to show there were no hard feelings for her loving my Father. And, there weren't.

"Hey." I answered her.

She gave me a small smile and I thought she looked terribly beautiful. She had long auburn hair and sapphire eyes. I could see why my Father loved her.

"Come on in." I said, leading her into my house.

Dad was staring at something before he turned and smiled at us. I looked around him and saw it was a picture of Mom. My eyes misted. Her still loved her…in his own way.

"Jen, why don't you go help Dawnie?" He asked.

Jeanine smiled and nodded, kissing his cheek quickly and going upstairs.

"So…" I murmured, straightening out the pillow on the couch.

"You grew up too fast." He suddenly said.

I looked up.

How would he know how fast I had grown up? He was never there.

But, I swear, I'm not bitter about that.

"Oh." Was all I said.

He looked at me so strangely. As if he knew something… I looked into his eyes and saw…something. There was some…emotion, some hidden message in his eyes. Something that I knew I needed to know about.

I averted my eyes, feeling stupid.

It was just like me to read into things.

Dawn stormed out of her room and out the door, Jeanine following helplessly.

"I take it she wasn't happy." Dad observed.

Oh, you have no idea.


"I'm sorry." Dad said.

"For what?" I asked.

"Not being here when you girls needed me."

"It's forgotten." I said, making it clear I didn't want to talk about it.

He shrugged.

"Maybe you should sell this house." He suggested.

"Why?" I asked.

"You've got all this room, and you're by yourself now." Dad said.

Great, thanks for giving me something MORE depressing to mope about later.

"Yeah…" I found myself saying.

"If you find an apartment you like, tell me." He said, with one last hug and then he left.

And I was alone.

Like always.


Somewhere, I found the courage to answer back Angel.

If you ask me where, I don't know.

But, it might have been from the five shots of tequila I had downed earlier.


To: "Angel" DarkAvenger@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: Hey Back.

So, hey. I was surprised to hear from you. But, I'm fine. Things are still hard, but you know me. Stay busy and don't think about it. About our last meeting… I'm sorry. I was so messed up. I didn't mean what I said, I really didn't. Moving on from the depressing, what's new with you? New crews members? Taken anyone under your wing? You know Angel, wing? Haha, not funny. So, Dawn moved out. She's with Dad now. I'm thinking of selling the house. Getting an apartment. Y'know, this house holds so many memories… Sometimes it's too hard. But, I gotta grow up sometime. But, about us seeing each other. Sure, I guess. But, do you think we can pull it off? I've got my friends, and you've got yours; they'd ask questions. And, everything we attempt to do, it blows up in our face. Yes, I know. Very pessimistic of me. But, caution never hurts, does it? In other words, yes, I'd love to see you again.

Always Your Girl,



I couldn't help what I put. I was still his girl. I more or less rambled in the entire letter. Didn't talk about anything ,nothing that mattered, and nothing that could be used to hurt later on.

I sigh.

What a life I have.


I go out patrolling later.

It soothes me in some weird way. Makes me release all that frustration, stress, pain. I love it. I get this high. This rush, it makes me float. It's hard to explain. Maybe its like when you take drugs. I wouldn't know. I've never done anything except smoke a few times.

So, anyways. The vamps are high tonight. I end up staking like ten. Getting kind of winded. They all say the same thing.

"Slayer, tonight you meet your maker."

"Jesus Christ, sing me a new one, please!" I roll my eyes and go on staking them.

I stroll in around two a.m., a frozen yogurt in hand.

Isn't it great how Sunnydale has a 24 hour ice cream place?

So, I walk in my empty and there's a trail of roses up my stairway. I walk up, my senses are going crazy. Someone's up there.


I enter my room and Angel's laying there, naked. He smiles at me and rises, his dark eyes gleaming.

"My soul is permanent. I want you." He whispered, stripping me of my clothes. He ravishes my body with his tongue. All night.

Heh heh.

Got ya there, didn't I?

Haha, psyche.

Sorry, I really miss him sometimes.

Ok, back to reality, unfortunately. So, there's a trail of roses up my stairs. My mind is like overloaded with feelings and senses. It gave me such a headache. My door is half open and I open it all the way.

"Oh God!" I cry.

It really is naked Angel.

Hehe. God, I need a life.

But, it's quite the opposite. Spike is laying on my bed, snoring, with a huge bottle of moonshine in his hand.


What the hell am I supposed to do? What the hell is he doing here?

I walk toward him and tentatively touch him. He jumps half a mile and I scream. I thought he was passed out! He looks around wildly. He doesn't seem to see me.

God, he's having one of his episodes again.

He starts to murmur, "Not there, not there, not there…."

I sigh and close my eyes.

"Come on Spike." I said softly, reaching out my hand.

He looks at me for a moment and the bursts out into tears.

"Sorry, so sorry. Jus' wanted ya t'love me." He moaned.

"Its alright." I say, grasping his hand and leading him to the basement. He had his own little civilization here.

"Jus' wanted love. Ya love me?" He asked, his voice like a child.

I couldn't answer.

What would I say?

The person I loved…

Didn't love me anymore.


Part 2

I never had a terrific life.

It was always one problem to the next. But, I'm not really complaining. It made me who I am.


I walk up to the collage and feel anything but strong right now. My heart is pounding and I'm cold. I'm wearing my new sundress. It's really pretty. It's white and has pastel flowers stitched on it. I carry my books in my bag and walk across campus. I look at my schedule and see I have Psych first. I walk to the room and see a seat at the top. I sit in it and smile politely at the guy sitting next to me. He leans foreword and sticks his hand out.

"Hi, I'm Brett."

Hi Brett, I'm so not interested.

"Hi Brett, I'm Buffy." I say.

He looks ok. His hair is an auburn color. His eyes are dark green, and kind of close together.

My Nana told me never to trust someone with eyes too close to each other. They would grow up being sneaky.

"So, are you a freshman?" He asked.

I wanted to roll my eyes.

"No. I'm supposed to be a Junior, but I took a year off." I answered, averting my eyes.

The teacher had just walked in.

"Good Afternoon, and welcome to Psych 103." She greeted.

"I want everyone to get out paper and prepare to take notes. DO NOT lose these, what I'm about to tell you will be on your final exam." She said.

She began her lecture and I, surprisingly, was listening intently.

"Colors can determine a persons personality. For example, say someone has a room painted red. If they have it like that for a long time, they can develop a angry hostile attitude."

"But, red is the color of love." Brett said, eyeing me.

The teacher nodded, "True, true."

I shook my head and caught her attention.

"You disagree?" She asked me.

"Well, not completely." I shrugged.

"Well, share you're idea." She insisted.

"Ok, red IS the color of love… But love can turn to lust, which is passion, then turning to anger, then violence. Also, the medieval aristocracy assigned the color to street harlots." I said, suddenly remembering a book I had once read.

"And…?" The teacher persisted.

"Red is the color of sin." I summed it up.

She was silent for a moment, then a pleased grin crossed her face.

"If you think in the biblical sense, then yes. Very good." She answered.

I beamed.

"And moving on…"


I was in a very good mood when I came home. I actually had fun at school. A first.

I should get a gold star.

So, I go into my house…and feel like listening to some music. I pick a mix CD and put it in my huge stereo. I got it two years ago and could never use it. Dawn always had a headache and was always being bitchy. So, I press play and go into the kitchen. The beginnings cords of the guitar blast through the house. I had put in Trik Turner's 'Existence'.

//Some suffer-/Some thrive-/Some live-/Some die-/Some love-/Some hate-/Some find nothing in common-/Some relate-/Some sin-/Some are innocent-/Some are good-/Some are bad-/All I want is to understand-//

Story of my life… Everyone thinks I'm innocent, but am I? No. I've suffered, thrived, lived and of course, I've died twice. Loved, hated, check and check.

//All my life I've searched for answers

Why can't I know the reasons we live

who is this god that we all worship

or will we ever know-//

Yeah, I've done my share of searching for answers, but do I ever find them? No. Never.

//Some think, some drink, some sink into a hole they can't let go

Others bleed for their sins, some draw blood for them ends

Some steel, some deal, some peel off their skin and try to start again

The rest fiend, the rest still dream my heart pumps just to feel that cream

I'm elevated cross faded with a bag of tricks I'm in the mix since 96'

Shoot the facts and relax, we melt on wax, on top of the world is where we at

When I trip I slip, my cons got grip, to the left and to the right shit is tight

Cause I'm an addict addicted to music

It's a habit you know I choose it-//

Blood, another story of my life. I'm an addict, addicted to darkness. Night, shadows, evil. Its what I am, what I'm drawn too. Something inside me awakens at night and howls until I'm killing under the stars and moon.

//Scrape the pieces off the wall of my hate

Clean the slate but its far to late

I stitch my own skin you can't penetrate

Don't look back its all fate//

I hate fate. Destiny, fortune, chance, I hate it all. It's ruined my life, Taken away my one true chance for happiness and drawn me toward something, something I never want to find out.

But, I do.

Much later, I find out.

And it changes everything.


I make dinner. If you can call bagel bites dinner. I in front of the TV and actually watch a show. When was the last time I did that? Something normal?

Oh yeah.

I forgot.


So, I watch Dawson's Creek. Last time I watched that, they were still sleeping in each others beds. Now they're in collage. Guess I missed a lot. I miss a lot of things. I hear my computer ding and get up, reluctantly.

I have two new emails. One from Dawn and…Cordelia!?

Cordelia-fucking-Chase emailed me.

Oh, this is gonna be great.


To: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Cordelia" xXQueenCordyXx@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: Well…

Fluffy, long time no hear. What, you have more pressing affairs? Y'know, with a certain vampire, oh, we'll call him 'Mike'. I don't know why you're having a sudden interest in Angel again, but I can assure you that he's not interested. He is so over you. And, guess what? He's in love with me. Yes, little Miss-I-can-kill, I have finally won. I told you, I was the Slayer at dating. I got Angel and what do you have? Nothing. Everyone leaves you. God, you're Mom even had to die to get away from you. Now what does that tell you?



PS: Told Angel about you're 'fling' with Spike. He was DISGUSTED.


I was fuming. Shaking with anger. I could feel the blood flowing to my face. It grew hot in the room. I couldn't see. My vision was red.

Oh God, what's happening to me?

I want to kill something. I need to feel blood on my hands. Preferably Cordelia's. I take calm breaths, but it's not working. My heart is beating so fast and I think I'm having a panic attack. I hit reply on the keyboard and start my letter.


To: "Cordelia" xXQueenCordyXx@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

Stupid bitch. You think you've won? You haven't. And you never will. Go ahead and think you have him, for now. But…one day. Someday, I'll come walking in and he'll come rushing into my arms. Don't think he won't. He'll never love you. He'll always love me. Maybe you should look through his desk sometime. Maybe you'll find some pictures, but…they won't be of you. And, as for Spike, Angel won't blame me for it. But, have fun while you can. Watch your back, or you'll never see the knife slicing through you.




I was still shaking. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel sick, like about to puke. There's like a fire coursing through my body and I WANT IT OUT! I stagger to the bathroom and throw up everything I've eaten. My insides heave and I half think that I'm going to die.



I stand up on shaky feet and look into the mirror. My reflection is there…but its not. Like it's transparent. My eyes look…strange. Like… Strange. I look at my hands and see that they look solid, but they don't in the mirror.

I ask again.

What the hell is going on?


I don't patrol that night.

I can't.

I'm scared, shaking, and dizzy. Maybe I'm catching the flu? I doubt it. I lay in my bed, wondering what in the world is going on. I can't tell my friends. It'll cause too much of a worry.

Something's changing inside of me.


Something strong…and something I'm terrified of.

Maybe if I ignore it, it'll go away.



I wake up and feel fine. I get ready for class and step outside. My skin starts to hurt. The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day. My arms tingle almost painfully, almost as if I've gotten bee stings all over me.

I'm sick.

That's it. Flu-bug or something. I run inside and grab my sunglasses. I walk to school, the whole way feeling tight in my own skin. I step into the air-conditioned building and sigh with relief. I feel fine now. I step into my Myth class and see Brett.

Oh my God…

He waves and gestures to a seat next to him. I smile and go to him.

"Hey." He greets.

"Hey back." I say, brushing my hair out of my face.

The teacher walks in a starts the class. He starts out by talking about legends.

"Today, we will be talking about a very commercial legend. Vampires."


"Now, vampires aren't like in the Anne Rice books. They aren't friendly and they don't stay safely in the shadows."

I wonder if he's talking from experience?

"They want to kill. Need to kill. They feel bloodlust in their bodies and need to act on the feeling. Now, let's talk about hybrids. They are half and half. What about a half vampire, half human?"

"Wouldn't they be alive?" Brett asks, trying to look like a hot shot.

I shake my head, "No, they'd be dead."

"How so, Miss. Summers?"

"Well, to become a vampire, they have to drink your blood then you have to drink theirs. To be half…would be like caught in the middle. Maybe you would have to breathe, but you wouldn't be alive. You're heart wouldn't beat." I said.

"Ah, an expert."

I blush.

"Would you be, say, evil?" He asked.

"You wouldn't be evil and you wouldn't be good. You'd be in-between. Caught between two elements. Good and bad. Blood or no blood. You'd go insane." I said

"There can't be an in-between. There is good and there is bad, simple as that." Some girl a few rows below me answered.

Her hair was black and her skin pale.

I gazed at her.

"Its not all black and white. There's gray too. You have to look beyond the outside and dig deeper. Maybe he's good on the outside, but there'll always be the demon inside. Waiting." I argue, thinking of Angel and Angelus.

The girl slumped in her seat, unwilling to go on.


I won.

They don't call me the Slayer for nothing…


Part 3

Finally the weekend comes and I decide to drive up to LA. I was bored and figured that Dawn and I could go shopping in Hollywood if she wasn't still pissed off. I pulled into the driveway of Dad's huge house. He lived in the 'Boulevards' and was pretty darn rich. He worked for some big company called Wolfman and Hart. They were all stuck up snobs and had never liked me when I was a teenager and had gone to visit him. I got out of the car, (it was a new Jeep that Dad had recently bought me.), and climbed the steps. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. Jeanine answered and her face brightened when she saw me.

"Buffy, hi!" She said in that soft way of hers.

"Hey Jeanine. Dawn here?" I asked, walking inside behind her.

"Yeah, both of them are here." Jeanine said, "Your Dad's in the study and Dawn's in the pool."

"Bet she's loving that." I said, remembering how Dawn used to always beg Mom to get a pool installed in the yard.

"Along with other things…" She paused, "Buffy. I just wanted to say that…I'm not trying to be a mother to Dawn. You had your Mom and you guys don't need another one. "

I nodded, and the little fact she was just mere years older than me.

"I know. And I know you and my Dad love each other. And, don't listen to Dawn. She can be the biggest bitch sometimes, but she can be really cool when she wants to be." I assured her.

Then I walked upstairs and found my Father arguing on the phone.

"I don't care what it says! I need to know if it'll affect her too!" …. "Dammit Lindsey! I want those papers and I want them now!" …. "What the hell is Lilah doing with them? She'll ruin everything, you get them back!" Dad yelled and I swore that I saw his eyes flicker yellow.

Dad slammed the phone down and rubbed his temples.

Maybe it was my imagination. Spending too much time around the hellmouth…

"Hey Daddy." I greeted coming into the room.

He jumped when he heard me and his eyes darted around my face.

What was he searching for?

I flashed a smile and sat in the leather seat that sat opposite from him. He quit staring and broke out of his little reverie.

"Hi sweetie. What're you doing here?" He asked, a smile on his lips.

"Oh, just visiting. The house is strangely quiet. Thought I'd take Dawn and go shopping." I said, using my Daddy-can-I-borrow-your-Visa-voice.

"Sure, all she's doing is moping around anyways." Dad shrugged.

"Great. What time do you want her home?" I asked.

"Before 6. I don't want you driving home in the dark.' Dad said using his No-arguments voice.

"Daddy…." I sighed.

"I mean it. Now, here," he said, taking out his Visa-YES!-and handing it to me.

"Great!" I said, getting up and taking it. I pressed a kiss to his cheek and walked out. As I left, I saw him staring at a picture on his wall. It was taken like 8 years ago. It was of Mom, him, me, and Dawn.

Tears pricked my eyes and I wiped them away, going to Dawn's room. I passed my old room and couldn't help going in. Everything was the same as it had been. All my posters, Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC. What a kid I was. I went to my closet where I had kept my other weapons trunk and saw my weapons scattered across the closet floor. Someone had gone through my stuff. My heart sank when I thought maybe it was Dad. Was that why he was acting weird? Or, it could've been anyone. I hadn't been in this room for two years.

I shrugged as if it didn't matter, yet it did, and went downstairs. I remembered Jeanine said Dawn was in the pool. And she was. She had her head phones on and she tanned.

"Stupid…" I murmured.

I splashed some water on her and she jumped. She ripped her head phones off and glared at me.

"Bitch." She whispered.

"Oh, you hurt me so." I rolled my eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Dawn asked.

"Wanna go shopping?" I asked, flashing Dad's Visa.

Her eyes brightened, "Sure."

"Hey, did you go through me weapons chest?" I asked.

"Yeah, just to get a stake though. There are vamps here too."



We actually got along for once. We walked around town and bought a bunch of things.

That's when I saw her.


"Damn." I whispered.

"What?" Dawn asked.

I pointed discreetly.

"Hey Cor-" Dawn started to shout before I slapped my hand over her mouth.

"Shut up…" I hissed.

I remembered what I read the other night about her and Angel and felt the boiling rage simmer more.

How dare she?

Then what I saw made me freeze. Angel was with her. For a moment, I held me breath as I awaited for him to explode into dust.

But he didn't.

I looked to the sky.

It was overcast.

"Buffy…is that…?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah." I said in a choked voice, my heart sinking.

"Let's go." I said, my voice low.

Dawn nodded.

But, there was a problem.

They were standing by my car.

I pushed the button to make the horn go off and they jumped.

Dawn laughed.

"Buffy, they'll see us." She said.

"I know…" I sighed as we walked to the car. I pretended to be preoccupied with my dozens of bags.

He looked up. I knew the moment he did. I don't know how, but I did.

"Buffy." He said in that quiet way of his.

I looked up.

"Oh, hey." My voice was devoid of emotion.

He picked up on it, his eyes concerned.

Cordelia fumed, her face turning red to the roots of her poorly dyed blond hair.

Dawn climbed into the car, and looked at me, calculating my emotions. She could do that, even when I tried my hardest to hide them.

"What are you doing here?" Angel asked.

"Shopping with Dawn." I said in my most 'duh' voice, "And visiting my father."

"So, you're leaving soon?" Cordelia spoke up, taking Angel's hand. She made sure I saw.

"Fortunately for you, yeah." I snapped.

"You never answered my letter." Angel said.

"What? Yes I did." My eyes swung to Cordelia, who shrank back under my scrutiny.

"Maybe you were too busy with Spike?" She snipped.

I saw red.




I closed my eyes and my fists clenched. I was under control, barely, from killing the superficial bitch.

I knew Angel was looking at me.

I opened my eyes and saw his. They were clouded with his own inner betrayal and anger.

Could he see the ashamed look on my face?

Could he tell that whenever I took a shower, I scrubbed myself so much that sometimes it bled, yet I never felt clean.

"Hmm. Guess someone can't handle the truth." Cordelia hummed, taking my hesitance at killing her to the advantage.

My nails broke the skin, for I was squeezing them so tightly.

I could feel the blood run down my hand.

Angel saw too. He watched the droplets with clouded eyes.

"Buffy, don't." Dawn said, her voice tight.

She knew what I wanted to do.

I exhaled sharply, and turned on my heel, throwing my bags in the back and climbing in.

"Buffy, wait." I heard Angel call.

I looked at him and saw his desire for things not to end this way. He didn't want us to part on bad terms.


"Look, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to explain myself, because either way I'll make it sound wrong." I sighed.

"And it wasn't?" He asked, in a sharp voice, "You slept with Spike."

I slumped miserably, "Yeah. I did, but I don't have to justify myself to you or anyone else."

I started the engine.

"Maybe you're right, Cordelia. Maybe you did win. But think of the way you did it. Doesn't seem very higher-power-like to me…"

I pealed away from the curb, the tires shrieking.

I could see Angel wanted to run after me. And, he could have caught me.

But he didn't.

And that's when I knew.

It really was over.


The ride back to Sunnydale was quiet. My inner thoughts were raging. I argued with myself about how stupid I had been to even hope that Angel and I had another chance.


I still loved him. I always would. But that chapter of my life was over. Done, ended, finished. Maybe love wasn't the point now. I had failed at it enough times. I was destined to be alone.

Like all Slayers.

Like Kendra.

Like Faith.

I missed her. Not that I would ever admit it, but I do. She was like me. In every way. I felt the same things she did. The freeness of it all, but I never gave in. I couldn't afford it.

I could now.

What did I have left?


I had pushed my friends away, my Mom was dead, Giles left, Angel left, I made Dawn leave. Maybe Cordelia was right. Something about me repealed people.

I was actually siding with Cordelia?

The bitch who Angel was now in love with?!


I was.



Weeks passed and I thought I was getting over it all. I didn't hear from Angel anymore. I didn't really go to LA anymore for fear of running into him or Queen Bitch. I dived into my schoolwork and-Oh My God!-got all A's. At the end of the semester, Giles sent me a bouquet of flowers, congratulating me.

Dad took all of us out. It was like a family, not.

But, it was fun.

I didn't have anymore of those 'attacks'. I guess they were temporary. Just like me to jinx things. One night, I had come back relatively early when I noticed my computer was on. I figured Spike had been on it. He did that sometimes. I opened my mailbox and saw a letter from Angel. My heart pounded in anticipation.

But I didn't let myself open. It.

I was over him.


Well, I couldn't sleep at all that night. So, very tired and very pissed off, I opened it.


To: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Angel" DarkAvenger@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: (none)

Buffy. I'm sorry. I acted rashly the other day. I really want to talk to you. I want to understand. I knew you were in a dark place. Willow told me how bad it was. Please, meet me somewhere.



To: "Angel" DarkAvenger@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: (none)

Angel, stop it. I don't want to talk. That's what you don't get. I have put it past me. So, maybe I sought someone who was my enemy, so what if I took some kind of morbid comfort in Spike. I HAD NOTHING ELSE! No one understood. I know it was wrong and I hate myself for it. I hate what I did, what I became. But I'm over it.

And I don't need to explain anything to you. Just leave me alone. We're not the same people we were. We don't know each other anymore. And, sometimes I wonder if we ever did.



I was upset after that.

I cried.

A lot.

I hated this.

I hated him.

I hated Cordelia.

I really hated her.


We had a week long break from school and I spent it in LA with Dad. I actually had fun. Dawn and I went out a lot. We shopped, we went to the beach. Sister fun stuff. One day, Dad let me come to work with him. It had been a while since I had been here. Everyone dressed so stuffily.

Dad was a Senior Partner so he got one of the big top offices.

"So, you're Hank's daughter." Lilah said as she toured me around.

"Yeah, the oldest." Dad answered, proudly.

I beamed at him.

Lilah grimaced.

What a lovely person.

"Do you plan on joining our team?" Lilah asked.

Dad glared at her and they shared a silent message.

Dad was warning her with his eyes, which had turned a steely green.

"No, I won't." I answered, awkwardly.

Someone's pager went off and Lilah looked mock apologetic.

"Sorry, gotta run. Business calls." She practically ran off.

Again, lovely person.

"I don't like her." I said.

"Me neither." Dad mumbled,

I laughed.

"So, what do you do?" I asked.

Dad looked like a deer caught in headlights for a moment.

"I'm a lawyer."

"How original." I said, monotone.

Dad laughed and patted my head.

"Dad!" I cried, fixing my hair.

"Hank Summers please report to meeting room 1." A voice of the PA intercom thing.

"Sorry sweetie. Gotta run." Dad said.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked.

Dad handed me key to his office and said, "Make yourself at home. There's food in there."

Great, fatten me up.

I walked past the secretary. Dads' office was the size of my house.

"Wow." I murmured and opened the fridge, taking out a Pepsi.

I looked around for a while and started to go through his desks. Some were locked, but a quick pull did the job. I found a file that caught my eyes.

It was labeled 'A:I'.

I opened it and the file dropped from my hands. There were dozens of pictures of Angel in here. In various scenes. There were facts about him. Some were his weaknesses. There was a picture of him and…-Darla?!-in a compromising position.

I gagged. I shoved the file in my purse and ran out. I told the secretary to tell my Dad I went home. I walked to Angel Investigations briskly. I came upon a huge hotel and was momentarily stunned by the hugeness of it. I waked to the door, my heels clicking on the pavement.

I shoved the door open with a loud-BANG!

Everyone was in the lobby. The all jumped and looked at me, stunned. There were four people in there.

Angel, Cordelia, some girl and a colored man that I didn't know.

I made my expression steely. I wanted answers. Right now.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?" Angel asked, his eyes hard.

He was pissed off at me.


"I want answers. What's your connection with Wolfman and Hart?"


Part 4

"I want answers. What's you're connection with Wolfman and Hart?" I asked, firmly.

Angel looked at me, stunned.

"What do you know about Wolfman and Hart?" He asked me.

"I know they don't like you a whole lot. They've got files about you." I sat, waving my folder .

He grabbed for it and I snatched it away.

"Not until you tell me why." I demanded.

"Who are you to come in here, barging in here, and demanding questions about things that don't concern you?" Cordelia demanded, getting in my face.

I pushed her, just hard enough to make her trip.

Angel caught her.

I glared.

"What's wrong with you?" Angel asked carefully.

"Nothing. Are you going to tell me or not?" I asked.

No one answered.

"Fuck it. I'll ask my father." I murmured and turned to leave.

Angel grabbed me arm.

"Why would you ask your Dad?" He asked.

"Let go of me." I demanded, meeting his steely gaze.

I tried not to get lost in his eyes, I really did.

"Tell me." Angel ordered.

"I don't have to tell you shit!" I yelled, pushing his with force much stronger than normal.

He flew and crashed into the desk, smashing it.

I pressed my shaky hand over my mouth.

He stared at me with a pain filled gaze.

I threw the files on the floor and ran out. My heels clacking loudly, echoing in the huge lobby. I made it outside and leaned on the cold jagged brick. I didn't mean to push him that hard.

I swear to God, I didn't.


I walked back to Dad's house.

I slip in quietly and lay down on my bed.

I feel exhausted. My mind is spinning and my eyes are drooping. I fall asleep in my black heels and skirt.

I wake up around dinner time and smell something that Jeanine is cooking. I sit up drowsily and look at the setting sun. I have the urge to patrol. I change into a pair of black pants and a red tank top.



I shake the thought from my mind and keep my heels on. I put my hair up in a messy bun and climb out my window.

Old habits die hard.

But, then again, doesn't everything?

I walk around the darkening streets, oblivious to everything around me. All I can feel is the cool air wrapping around me. All I can see is the falling sun. And, all I hear is the click of my heels and the faint sound of someone walking behind me.

This game again?

I keep walking, getting deeper and deeper into the city. The beautiful skyscrapers turn into broken warehouses. The smooth sidewalk is filled with cracks and it's a miracle I don't fall and break my neck.


I stop and the footfalls behind me stop.

"Alright, let's stop this. I'm pissed off and don't feel like playing." I call.

"Good, then we're on the same page." A smooth voice greets me.

Gee, wonder who it is.


How could I forget?

It's Angel.

"What do you want?" I ask, watching him as he walks to my side.

"Nothing, just going for a stroll. After all, this is MY town." He snaps.

"Angel, still holding grudges? Hmm, kind of a turn off." I quip.

I start walking forward, going nowhere.

He grabs my arm and slams my into the nearest wall.

"Bastard." I hiss, and try to escape, but he's gripping my arms.

He's hurting me.

"Tell me what you know." Angel demands.

I laugh.

"I'm not some pansy ass demon who's scared of you." I mock.

He growls.

I smirk.

And somehow we end up kissing. His mouth is pressed against mine, roughly. I moan and try to turn my head.

This isn't happening.

I am over him.

The hell I am.

"You smell like him." He hisses.

"Damn, I knew I forgot to take my shower…"

"Buffy…" His voice is full of warning.

"Angel…" I mock.

I don't know what's gotten into me.

But, it's pissing him off.

"Who are you?" He breathes.

He doesn't know me anymore. No one does. I'm not sure I even know myself.

"Why, I'm Buffy. You're precious, perfect, princess Buffy. Full of innocence and virtue. Never can do anything wrong." I mock, my voice hard.

"What?" Angel asks, stepping back.

"That's how you always saw me. Perfect. Sorry to ruin your pretty picture, but no ones perfect, least of all me." I snap, turning and walking briskly away.

He follows me. I know he does. I can feel him. His whole presence is making my body shiver. His kiss has left my lips tingling. I sighed softly and found a club. It was called Caritas. I entered it and looked around. It was decorated the way a cheesy strip club would be. Zebra print chairs, plush red carpet.

"Why, hey there cutie." A voice sounded behind me.

I whipped around, my eyes hard.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Angel leaning against one of the far walls, watching me.

The man who stood in front of me, was green.

"Um. Hey." I answered him back, a wary expression on my face.

"You new here? Never seen ya before." He asked, leading me to a table.

"Yeah." I said.

"Boy, aren't we the talkative little Slayer?" He asked.

"How do you know…?" I started to ask.

"Sweetcheeks, I can feel the power coming off you like a ton of blood." He said.

"And, you would be…?"

"Sorry. The name's Lorne. I own this place." He said.

"What is it exactly?" I asked, waving my hand around.

"Demon bar. Peaceful place. You get drunk, you sing, and I read your soul." He said.

"Cool." I murmured, slightly fascinated with the whole thing.

He was silent as he watched some demon sing.

"Can I get a beer?" I asked.

"You 21?" Lorne asked.

"Close enough." I answered sweetly and waited while he got up.

I snuck a peek where Angel had been. He wasn't there. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I would calm down now. I looked over to where Lorne had gone.

And there he was.

"Dammit." I swore.

Angel was talking to Lorne, obviously trying to get him to not give me my drink. I stood up and strode over there. I grabbed the drink from the Lorne's hands and gave him a 5.

"She's not 21." Angel said, glaring at me.

"Almost." I said, taking a drink.

Lorne looked back and forth between us.

"Why didn't I see it before?" He murmured to himself.

"What?" Angel asked.

"Nothing, hey honeybunch, why don't ya get up there and sing for us." He directed to me.

"Um, no." I answered, moving away.

"Come on," Lorne persisted, "Let me read your soul."

"There's nothing to read. I'll fight and I'll die. I don't need to hear it for the fiftieth time." I rolled my eyes.

The both of them looked at me, Angels' gaze was angry, Lorne's was amused.

"I'm not doing it." I said, turning and walking back to my table.

It grew late and the crowd grew less. I had only one beer, but it left me feeling buzzed.

"You sure you don't want to sing?" Lorne asked one last time.

"Maybe some other time." I answered.

"Don't be a stranger, Slayer." He says, his eyes warm, then turns away.

I left and again felt him following me.

"GO AWAY!" I screamed.

My voice echoed through the night. He didn't and I stopped.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Because something's wrong with you." He answered.

"Just what every girl dreams to hear." I muttered.

"I'm serious."

"Thank you Mr. Obvious." I snapped.

"Buffy, wait." He said, catching my arm, gently this time.

"What?" I asked.

"I still care about you…"

"Angel, stop…"

"You can talk to me." He finished.

"No I can't. You don't listen. You hear only what you want too. You're just like everyone else." I answered.

"Except Spike?" He shot back.

"Fuck you. Angel, just shut the hell up. You don't know what you're talking about." I snapped, turning to leave, but his grip tightened on my arm.

"We need to talk about this!" He yelled.

"There is no 'we'! YOU left ME! And you're pissed off because my whole goddamn life went to hell because of it! You have no right to my life." I hissed.

"You slept with Spike, an evil demon. You let him use you. You turned to him instead of turning to me!" Angel yelled.

"I couldn't turn to you! You left!" I yelled.

"He's evil!" Angel said, trying to calm down.

"You want to talk about evil? Fine, let's talk about Angelus. Your demon. Your alter-ego. He killed some of my friends, tortured them. You're the same as Spike." I hissed.

His eyes flash golden and his fist connects with my jaw.

Huh, this seems familiar.

I hit him back, tears now streaming from my eyes.

"Don't patronize me for what I did, YOU DID THE SAME THING!" I screamed.

"I didn't sleep with a demon." He hisses.

"Did you forget about DARLA?!" I scream.

He freezes.

"Yeah, you think I didn't know! I saw pictures, Willow told me! You tried to lose your soul with her! So DON'T talk to me about sleeping with the enemy!" I scream, my voice breaking, but still echoing.

I turn and run away. I chance a look back and he's standing in the same place, tears falling from his own eyes.

I run.

And don't stop.


I leave the next morning. I can't be in this city anymore. I keep running into him and the high walls I built around myself are about to come crashing down.

And I can't afford that.

"If Angel calls, tell him I want him to leave me alone." I told Dawn, then kissed her goodbye and made my two hour journey home.

I come home and see the file at my doorstep. It's the Wolfman and Hart one that I had left at Angels.

He better not still be here.

Inside the file is a little note. With his handwriting saying a single word.


I crumple the note. He's sorry about a lot of things, isn't he? Well, he can go to hell, again, for all I car. Give me the sword and I'll be happy to send him there again.

And, we all know that's a lie.

But, shh. Don't ruin my angry rant.

I think I'll take Dad up on his offer. This house is too big.

I'm still holding the note in my hand. But I can't bring my self to throw it out. I could never throw anything of him out.

I trudge upstairs and pull out a small box. It has everything that he's ever given me in it. There are pictures, Prom, Halloween, and just random ones. I have his leather jacket folded up. It still smalls like him. I have the ticket stud to that food-porno movie.

How that had worked us up so…

Some notes he used to leave me. I even kept the drawings of me he made as Angelus. Dried roses. Everything.

I put the note in there and shove the box back into its dusty, almost forgotten home.

I pass the mirror on my way out and see a bruise coloring my skin.

Angel hurt me.


Will this ever stop. Why can't we just forget each other? It can't be too hard…

Can it?


I still love him.

And I hate it.


Part 5

I have officially become a loner.

I have pushed everyone away. I don't talk to Willow or Xander. The only one I talk too is Giles, but its long distance so conversations are usually short. I just can't stand any of them anymore.

Xander whining about Anya.

Willow whining about magic.

They are driving me crazy. And the whole time Willow gives me the same speech.

"You should talk to us, Buffy. We're your friends and we can help you. We deserve to know what's going on. "

And then I mention Angel and they grow silent.

"Angel is the past. You don't still love him. You should go out with so-and-so from school. You will love him. Even thought you used to love Angel, he's scum and you don't need him."

Ok, she didn't say the whole 'scum' thing, but it's pretty much the same.


But, they're all wrong. I do need him. I'm just too stubborn to admit it. And I never will. I'm still pissed off at him. I mean, how dare he yell at me for doing the same thing he did. Its like, he has an excuse but since I did it, it makes me a bad person.

Screw them all.

And, besides, he's in love with Cordelia.

Insert my sarcastic voice here.

Sorry, I'm not bitter about that, not at all. In fact, I want front row seats to the wedding. So I can kill them both.

I still slay. It's like the high point of my day. Isn't that pathetic? I mean, I never had a life, but now it's freaking hopeless. No boyfriend, no friends.


The words normal and life are overrated.

I start to feel guilty about that night with Angel. I really don't want things to be so tense and nonexistent between us, so I email him.


To: "Angel" DarkAvenger@yahoo.comgt;

From: "Buffy" ChosenSweetie81@yahoo.comgt;

Subject: Foot in mouth once again…

Listen, I'm really sorry I was such a bitch that night. I guess I'm just stressed and going through a lot. But, it's not an excuse. We've been through too much to let something this petty ruin what little communication we have left.

You probably already know this, but my father works for Wolfman and Hart. He's a senior partner. I don't know what kind of grudge they have over you, and I'm sure they have more files against you. I'll try and find some, but don't hurt my father. If you do, I'll have to hurt you, and I don't want too. He's all I have left.



I left for school after I sent it. I had Psyche and Myth today. I paid attention and did the work. I never knew that it could be this easy and almost stress free if I just did the work.

And my happy little bubble was burst when Giles came back, bearing a Prophecy.

"No!" I cried, causing everyone in the shop to look at me.

"Buffy, I know this is a shock…" Giles started.

"Its not a shock. There's nothing to be a shock. I refuse. I won't do it." I said, crossing my hands over my chest.

"Buffy…" Willow tried.

"No…" Now I was whining.

I knew it.

I didn't care.

Giles came with a prophecy, I said that already. It was of something called the Solitary Uprising. Of course, we didn't know what it meant. It sounded…strange. Maybe lethal.

But, so was everything else.

He wanted me to call Angel.

He said we might need their help.

"Giles, come on!" I cried, pouting.

"Why are you acting so strangely? Has something happened between you and him?" Giles asked.

Yes, something happened!

I found out that he knew about everything and he was in love with Cordelia,(insert me gagging), and he…he kissed me.

"No, nothing." I sigh.

"Then stop acting like a bloody child and call him, for Gods sake." Giles exclaims.

"Fine!" I huff and grab the phone.

I know they all want to hear what we'll say to each other, but no. Since they're making me do this, they don' get a free ticket the Buffy and Angel show. I go into the training room

I dial the number I know so well and wait for someone to answer.

"Hi! This is Angel's Investigations. We help the hopeless." A cheerful voice says.

Thank God it's not Cordelia.

"Um, hey. Can I please speak to Angel?" I ask.

"Sure, hold please." The voice says and I hear what happens to be elevator music.

I'm busy snickering to myself and don't hear him answer.

"Hello?" He asks again.


"Um, hey." I say, then kick myself, "Its Buffy."

"I know. What do you want?" He asks, his voice slightly wary.

Boy, we're pleasant today.

"Don't worry, we can skip the pleasantries." I say sarcastically, then move on, "You know anything about the Solitary Uprising?"

He's silent.

"You didn't fall asleep on me, did you? I may have to resort to yodeling." I threatened.

I swear I hear him chuckle, but when he talks his voice his detached.

"Um, it sounds familiar…" He says thoughtfully.

"If this is a bad time…" I start.,

Then I hear it.

"Angel, who's on the phone?"

A women's voice.

Cordelia's voice.

No fucking way!

I knew this phone that Angel was using was in his…, oh God, bedroom.

"I'll have Giles call back later, I can see you're BUSY!" I yell.

"No, wait, it's not-" I hear him say before I throw the phone against the wall. It smashed and shattered into a billion trillion pieces, just like my heart.

I guess it was really loud because everyone ran into the room and stared at me.

"Dear Lord, Buffy. What happened?" Giles asks.

"I got mad at the phone, what does it look like?" I grumble and I guess I have that look in my eyes because everyone steps back.

"You can call him next time." I spat and left.

They stared after me, gaping in confusion.

I ran the whole way home and collapsed on the couch. I started to sob. Deep, heavy ones that make you want to die. I didn't notice Spike when he first came up. But, I felt him staring at me and I looked up, hiccupping.

"Go away," I sniffled, my voice shaky.

"What'd he do?" Spike asked, having a moment of clarity.

"He's in love with Cordelia." I said, my eyes tearing.

"No he ain't." Spike murmured, stepping closer.

"Yes he is!" I cried, "He does."

"No." Spike repeated, "Stupid idiot loves you. He's tryin' to delude himself. Won't work."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"The stars tol' me." He answered, his eyes glazing back up.

And the sanity was lost.


I had dreams that night.

They weren't happy dreams. Far from it.

I was in a dark place. I couldn't see anything. But, its what I felt. Darkness, despair, and the need to give in. I also felt something underneath it all. The need for blood and the thrill of a kill.

I saw claws, long and lethal. I saw fangs, white, and long protruding from full pink lips. I heard a voice.

"It's what's meant to be, what was meant to happen."

I knew that voice. So familiar, but from where?


A scream echoed painfully through my head.

"I always knew you were a freak. This proves it."

Harsh words made me want to cry.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Words I hated.

I was in a whirlwind of voice, sound, and images.

It overwhelmed me.

I screamed.


I awoke to someone yelling at me.

"BLOODY HELL! WAKE UP!" Spike yelled as he raised his hand to slap me.

I caught his hand and glared at him.

"Bout fucking time. You've been screamin' forever." He huffed.

"You're…you." I said, rubbing my temples.

"Course I am, who else would I be?" He asked, "Oh, and your bloody poof called, was none too happy when I answered the phone."

He chuckled.

"Bastard." I hissed.

He smirked.

I got up and took a handful of aspirin. My head was killing me.

"What'd he say?" I asked.

"Angel? Heh heh. He started to yell and ask why I was there and where were you?" Spike laughed.

"What'd you say?"

"Told him I killed you. Pissed him right off, it did. Then I told him that I just finished banging you and he threatened to come and kill me." Spike laughed more.

"Terrific, asshole." I rolled my eyes.

"You know… I'm sorry. About that… Wasn't in my right mind." Spike apologized.

I shrugged.

It was over and done with.

"And you're in your right mind now?" I asked.

He shrugged this time, "Guess not."

"Did he say if he was going to call back?" I asked.

When Spike didn't answer, I turned to look at him.

His eyes were glazed over and he was murmuring to himself.

Spells of sanity.

They were far and few in between.

But they were full of wisdom and remorse.

And some arrogance.

But, hey, nothings perfect.


I patrolled and my cell phone rang. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of fighting a few vamps at the time. I answered it, breathlessly, "Little busy at the moment."

"Fucking Spike again?"

It was Angel.

"Wouldn't you love to know. Hold on." I snapped, stuffing it in my pocket.

"The Uprising waits for you." The vamp hissed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Everyone leaves you. No one can stand you. You contaminate every life you touch." The vamp sneered.

My gaze tuned ice cold.

"Even you're mother. She died to get away from the despair you brought her. Don't think we don't know. We know all."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I snap, throwing a punch at his nose.

He cried out in pain.






Slam head into headstone.


Roundhouse kick.

"My Mother!"

I screamed the last part, swinging the vamp by his hair into a tree branch.


I took the phone out and saw he was still on.


"What do you want?" I asked, sighing.

I perched myself on the headstone and swung my feet.

"I found a little information on the Solitary Uprising." Angel said.

"And…?" I prompted.

"Well, no one knows what it is."

"Surprise, surprise."

"It's a new breed. Not human nor demon. Its just…there." Angel said, sounding baffled.

"Is it dangerous?" I asked.

"Don't know."

"Can it look like us?" I asked.

"Don't know."

"Then why the hell did you call?" I exclaim.

"I want to talk to you." Angel said.

"I don't." I said, hanging up on his and turning my phone off.

I sighed. And this is what my life had turned too.

Absolute shit.


"She walks alone. Picked to fight, destined to die. Crossing the line twice and caught in-between. She gives in to her dark side, her need for evil. It draws her in and takes hold of her, never letting go. It will change her."

Everyone at the round table stared at the boss.

"And…are we sure it's her?" The blonde haired man asked with great difficultly.

"Yes, all the signs point to her and with you're…unique situation, it only makes sense." Lindsey answered.

"So, it isn't my fault?" He asked.

"No, the prophecy would've come to pass any way else, you just happened to be the effecter." Lindsey assured the man.

"What should we do?" He asked.

"She has a connection to Angel." Lilah said.

"No, not yet. We can't." He snapped.

"Yes sir." Lilah blanched.

"I need to tell her." He said.

"It would ruin everything!" Lilah cried.

He looked at her.

"I'm sorry Mr. Summers." Lilah cringed.

"For now. Meeting adjourned." Hank announced, sighing and turning to the window.

What hell this would all be.


Part 6

We spent the better half of a month researching the Solitary Uprising. We had nothing. It was mentioned in the Codex several times, but there was no clear description. The most common saying was,

"It will walk alone."

The whole thing was pissing me off.

Giles wanted me to find out everything I could.

One little problem.

No one knew anything.

Angel wasn't very forthcoming. We weren't on the best terms. Everything we talked, we fought and he brought up Spike. He was acting like a child. Had I even mentioned Cordelia? Well…kind of, but not as much as he brought up Spike.



I had sold the house. I couldn't take it there anymore. Too many memories, too many tears. I had bought a small condo on Main and 8th. It was nice. Two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, and a bath. I brought Spike with me. Now, I know what you're thinking.

Evil, evil, Spike should die.

Yeah, yeah. I've heard it a billion times before. So what? He's harmless now.

No sense of time, reality, truth. He's lost in his crazed mind of remorse and guilt. But, even so, he's still pretty good company.

Most of the time.

I thought the little house was cute. It suited me. Private, small, and comfy. I couldn't bear to give away any of Mom's things, so I had them put in storage. The pain was still too fresh and I couldn't handle looking at her things, yet.

But, someday, it'd be better.


Everything was fine, with a few stupid exceptions. Then, they came.

I know you're thinking I mean Angel.

But I don't.

The Council.

Jesus Christ.

Can my pathetic so called life get any worse?


Yes, it can. The WHOLE damn Council came. Quentin Travers, the red headed lady, and a bunch of stuffy people whose name I didn't know, didn't want to know. I walked into the Magic Shop and there they all were. Everyone immediately turned to me when I entered. My friends tried to read my emotions, to see if I would welcome them or go berserk.

I picked the slightly less insane answer.

I looked at everyone calmly and asked,

"What's going on?"

My words had an underlining threat. They all saw it.

"Hello Miss. Summers." Quentin greeted me, his steel gray eyes cold.

"Hello." I answered back, the same tone.

I moved to sit next to Giles. He leaned foreword a bit as if to protect me from anything they might say to me. I smiled inwardly.

I loved Giles.

In a strict Father sense cause otherwise…ew.

"What's going on?" I asked again, when nothing was said.

"We have found some very interesting information." The red headed lady offered.

What was her name?

I don't know.

"Concerning what?" I asked.

"Well, actually…you." She said.

"Great. What's it about?" I asked.

"You're role in the war against evil and your abilities; unique and…otherwise." Quentin said.

Thanks for making so much sense.

I appreciate it.

"Who'd you get it from?"

"Actually…Merrick." Quentin answered.

I stood up.

"Merrick is dead, you know that." I said, my voice low and deadly.

The others looked on in interest. I had never said that much about my late Watcher.

"Yes, of course we do. What I meant, is that we found a lost journal of his. Apparently the one we have is a fake." Quentin spoke slowly, as if I was a small child.

God, I wanted to smack him.

"The one we had was a falsely written one. The one we found holds quite an interesting twist of things.' The lady said.

"Mind clarifying that a bit?" I asked.

"Buffy." Giles said my name sharply, in warning. I know what it meant. I and only heard it a trillion times.

'Buffy, keep your mouth shut and listen.'

"Fine." I huffed softly.

"Alright then. Merrick wrote down some very observant things. He said; 'Miss. Summers is a very unusual girl. She doesn't act like past Slayers have. Her powers and strength have come slowly. In other Slayers, they were born with their abilities. She was not. I am seeing signs of inner resentment toward this life and very unusual bursts of emotion and force. At first, I didn't think she was the Slayer. I'm not sure I do, yet. She shows the strength of a Slayer, and then, she shows so much more. She is a unique creature.'" Quentin finished.

I didn't know what to say?

What was I supposed to say?


"We've had our doubts about you, Miss. Summers." The lady said.

I flared instantly, "What are you saying? That you think I'm not the Slayer?" I asked, jumping to my feet.

"Not exactly." Quentin started.

"Then what 'exactly' are you saying? If I'm not the Slayer, what am I?" I demanded.

"That's what we want to find out!" Quentin burst out.

I froze.

Oh. My. God.

Giles was at my side, anger bursting off him in waves.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about, Travers?" He demanded.

"Miss. Summers isn't the Slayer. We have suspected this for quite sometime."

I was silent.

Giles guided me to a chair. He looked at me worriedly, but I couldn't focus my gaze. I was lost in my own thoughts.

"How exactly is a Slayer called?" Willow asked softly.

"When a Slayer dies, another is called. Sometimes we have a relatively close idea where they might be located. We look at the girls' signs, their actions. If they match that of a Slayer, they are called." Travers answered.

"So, there's no little dot on the globe thing that blinks when a Slayer dies?" Xander asked, speaking up.

Travers chuckled, "No, my boy, no."

Why the hell was he laughing? I might not be the Slayer! It wasn't a laughing matter!

"Buffy, are you ok?" Giles asked, softly.

I shrugged, not really knowing if I was or wasn't.

Giles glared murderous daggers at Travers, "You bloody idiot. Have you any proof of what you say?"

"Of Miss. Summers? Yes. No Slayer has the ability to rise from the dead, twice. No Slayer has lasted as long as she. And, no Slayer has defied the Council."

"What?" Xander asked.

"Oh God, Slayers are programmed to listen to you?" Willow asked.


"Faith didn't." Xander said.

"Faith, she wasn't right. Her calling was a mistake. Given to the wrong person."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"It does, my boy, it does."


I went to my house. My mind was reeling.

If I'm not the Slayer…

Then what am I?

A freak.

Like I've always been.

My phone rings and I look at it.

It Giles.

No thanks, don't want to talk. I pull the hook-jack thing from the wall. I muscles ache and I go run a bath. I'm in my room, just sitting on my bed, waiting for the water to fill. My eye catches something in the top corner of my room. I see a small blinking light. I don't know how I see it, it's so small. I walk slowly to it, keeping my eye on it. I stand on my dresser and reach to it. I dig my finger into the small hole and pull out a black…thing. I look closer and see a small lens.

Holy shit, it's a camera.

I look closer and see three small figures.



Wolfman and Hart!

Wait a minute…

Oh hell no…!


I left shortly after that. I got in my car and drove. I didn't know where I was going at first, but two hours later, I found myself in LA. I considered going to Angel's, but didn't. Things were too strained at the moment. So, I looked up Wesley's number and went to his house. I rang the bell and he answered.

"B-Buffy." He said, surprised.

"I need you to do me a favor." I said softly.

"Of course." He said, letting me in.

He looked different. More rugged.

Kinda sexy in a British biker way..

Oh EW!!!!

Yuck, yuck, bad me.

God, do I need a life, but still, sexy British biker...

"What did you need?" He asked.

"I need help."

"I don't work for Angel anymore." He said, catching me off guard.

"I don't care. I don't want Angel in this. Things aren't so great between us." I answered.

"Us neither."

"Well, can you help me?" I asked, my eyes pleading.

"Of course. What do you need?"

"Quentin said I wasn't the Slayer, is there a way to find out if is true?" I asked.

He looked confused, but shook it off.

"Yes, there is. I'll need your blood though."

"How much?" I asked.

"A small amount. A spoonful or so." He said.

I took a steak knife and sliced my arm, letting the blood flow into a small shot glass.

I winced and felt strange, almost gleeful, looking at my own blood.

"That enough?" I asked.

"More than enough."

I gave him my cell number and told him to call me if there was ANYTHING.

After leaving his house, I drove down to my Dad's office. I walked right in and went straight up the elevator.

No one stopped me.

Hmm, that's weird…


Black suits hound me and attack.

I lash out with a series of punches and brutal kicks.

I know I broke a few of their bones.

Yay me.

I kick open my Dad's door, causing a loud crash.

"What the fuck is going on?!" I yell, my voice loud and deadly.

Everyone jumps and my Father looks at me, his expression a mix between shock and fear.

"Buffy." He says.

"Damn straight. Why the hell was this in my house?" I demand, chucking the tiny camera at him.

God, I wish it would've hit him. He caught it with lightening speed.

Everyone in the room stared at me.

"Dismissed." Dad ordered.

Everyone left.

"Buffy…" He started.

"No! No lies, I want to know, NOW!" I screamed, my eyes flashing.


My vision flashes from red to yellow, then back to normal.

Dad gasps.


"What?" I asked.

I turn and look into a wall mirror. My eyes are a blazing orange, like a cats. My face is deadly pale and I can see my incisor teeth protruding from my red lips.

"What the hell?!" I screech.

My appearance is transparent, I can see right through myself.

"Buffy!" My Dad cries when I lunge at the mirror, smashing it. It shatters, sending my reflection into a billion tinier pieces.

"No!" I scream, crunching at the glass.

I am crazed. I'm terrified and I don't know what's going on.

Dad grabs me and holds me until I calm down.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"You have to listen to me." Dad tries to explain.

"No…" I cry.

"Buffy!" Dad shakes me.

"This isn't your fault. Its mine."

I go nuts.

"You did this to me?! How?! Why?!" I scream."

Something happened a long time ago." Dad said.

"Enlighten me, PLEASE!" I scream sarcastically.

"If you'll shut up, I will!" Dad explodes.

He never yells at me.

I quiet, and listen to him begin.

"21 years ago…"


Part 7

"21 years ago, you're mother had just gotten married. It was great… We loved each other… Then it happened."

Flashback, May , 1981- Los Angeles, LA Law-

The company was closed for the night. But one light was on. Hank Summers' office.

He was just finished up his case.

25 years old and on top of the world, working at a job he loved, living with a woman he worshiped.

Joyce Reynolds, soon to be Joyce Summers. Hank was preparing to propose to her soon and he prayed to the Gods she would say yes. He was in love with her, deeply.

Hank closed the file and put on his coat; grabbing his briefcase. He locked up the doors and went to his car, preparing to go home. He was almost to his car when he was grabbed by cold hands. He was shoved into a wall then into an alley. He was momentarily dazed which gave his attacker the time needed to advance. His head was pushed sideways and his neck exposed. Pain pricked at his skin.

Something was happening, but all too soon, everything went black.


Cold cement, heart beats, and blood were the first things Hank was aware of. Everything looked, felt, and seemed different. More sharper and attentive. He slowly stood up and fell a wave of pain and nausea go through him.

Something was wrong.


He came home late.

Joyce was waiting up.

"Hank, what happened? Where were you?" She asked.

"Overtime." Hank answered.

"Oh." She said, looking down.

Hank cupped her chin and kissed her.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked.

She nodded.

"I do." He whispered, kissing her and leading her to their bedroom.

And, that's where they remained, all night.



Hank awoke groggily the next morning. He staggered to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. In the mirror, she saw twin punctures in his neck. His mind flashed back to last night. The attack, this blood.


The thought nearly sent his mind into euphoria. He shook it out and his eyes unglazed allowing him to see the disfigured…thing in front of him.

A monster.




"You were bitten by a vampire?" I asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes." My Father answered.

"Are you shitting me?" I asked.

"Watch your language." He said.

"No, no, see. I'm the Slayer. I know these things and you would not be alive, you wouldn't have a soul so don't feed me this bullshit!" I said, coldly.

"Something went wrong. I don't know what or how. I've never cared to find out."

I almost blew up.

"You never found out why you're this way? Why you're in-between, I don't believe you!" I cried.

"It's the truth." He said.

"Like hell it is." I hissed.

"Why am I like this?" I asked, carefully controlling my haywire emotions.

"You're my daughter. I guess it's in my genes." Dad shrugged.

How could he be so damn casual?!

"What about Dawn?" I asked.

"She's not real. And, she's made from you, not me."

I was confused.

"Gee, thanks a lot then. So glad I'm you're daughter!"


"No!" I yelled, "No."

"It's not a big deal…"

"Like hell it isn't! I'm a DEMON!" I yell.

"Calm down!" Dad ordered.

"No! No! And, and why was that camera in my house?" I demanded.

"We had to watch you." Dad said.

"What…?" I ask, "You knew."

"Of course."

I was silent for a moment.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm your Father." He says.

"No… No, a Father would have told me. Warned me. Prepared me. And, what did you do? Nothing. You weren't there when we needed you. When Mom needed you. You weren't there when we buried Mom. When I found out I had to save the whole damn world. When Mom kicked me out… Did she even know?" I ask.

"No. I couldn't tell her."

"So, you lied?!"

"I'm sorry." Dad tried.

"I don't care! Sorry won't make me normal, won't make me good. Sorry is less than the dust of the vamps I kill." I sneered.

"Buffy Anne…" Dad said in his warning voice.

"Fuck you! You were never my father! Never! You made me like this! Made me lost, made me a lie! I'm not the Slayer, NO! I'm the one thing I hate, AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!" I scream and lunge for him.

I don't know what's gotten over me.

I scream and tackle him, clawing at him.

My eyes flash and I feel my teeth grow.

Oh God, it's happening.

I don't know what's going on. I'm losing control.

Something is inside of me, awakening, demanding my full attention.

Dad slaps me and pushes me away.

He looks like me.

His eyes are yellowed and his lips curled. He snarls at me and clenches his hands. I can see myself in him right now.

"Is this what you wanted to see? Yes! This is what I am, and it's what you are too! Why do you think I stayed away?! I didn't want too! I left for your own safety." He growled.

I cried out, my shock overwhelming me. I lifted fluttery hands to hand face and let out shaky breaths.

"No…" I whimpered, then fled.

"Buffy!" My Father roared.

I ran out.

Faster than I've ever been.

I'm panicking.

I can't control my feelings, what's happening to me.

My head starts to pound. I feel clenching pain in my belly.

I cry out, oh God, what's happening to me?!

My vision swims and I see colors.

All before it turns black.


I open my eyes and I am freezing. I'm laying on the cold sidewalk. I stand on shaky legs and remember all that's happened. I'm close to Angel's.

So I go there.

The lights are on and I can feel the presence of people in there. I quickly feel my face and its normal. I peer into the windows see everyone standing around the counter. I walk in quietly and watch from the shadows. I stay there for a few moments before I see Angel stiffen.

He looks around and seems to look straight at me.

I can feel that my eyes switch golden.

"Angel, what is it?" Cordelia asked.

I growl softly at her.

Oh how easy it would be to snap her neck and…

What the hell am I thinking?

"Something's here." He answers.


I'm a something now.

"Show yo'self." The colored man orders.

I snicker and step away from the shadows.

Everyone gasps.

I must look bad because everyone is wide-eyed and shocked.

I can't help but laugh.

"Buffy…" Angel murmurs, looking so sad and wounded.

I shrug.

"Oh God, you're a vampire now?" Cordelia bursts.

"You'd think so. Close, but no cigar." I saunter deeper into the room.

"Who did this to you?" Angel asked, his eyes were crushed, as if everything was gone.

"You really want to know? It's a shocker, I'm telling you. My father." I say.

Angel growls.

"Oh! And it gets better!" I exclaim, "Now this will make you shit your pants! I'm not the Slayer!"

"Yeah, you're a vamp." Cordelia rolled her eyes.

I flash my eyes.

"I never was." I hiss.

"What are you?" Angel asks slowly.

"Why, I'm Buffy. The freak. " I hiss.

"Well, I've been saying that for years." Cordelia said.

Before I knew what was going on my hands were around her neck.


I shove her away and try to run.

Angel catches my arm and pulls me to him.

We meet eye to eye.

Both golden.

"No!" I cried, and I shoved him and tried to run.

But he wouldn't let me.

"Buffy, what happened?" He asked, holding me, smoothing my hair off of my face.

"I can't…" I sobbed.

"Buffy…" Angel said, softly, soothingly.

Trying to calm me down.

It didn't work.

I felt like everything was closing up on me.

"Angel!" I heard Cordelia scream.

He turned around with me in his arms and I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

I looked down and saw a stake protruding from me.

I cried out.

Cordelia looked happy.

I pushed Angel away. He was frozen. His eyes wide, waiting for me to explode.

"You IDIOT!" I screamed at Queen Bitch, "I'm not a fucking VAMPIRE!"

I pulled the stake out of me, God it hurt so much. But, it didn't stake my heart. It was a couple inches away. I threw the stake and it was just inches from Cordy's head.

Damn, it missed.

I spun on my heel and ran out.

I thought they could help me, but they couldn't.

He couldn't.

But, there he was.

On his feet and running after me, screaming my name.

"Buffy, no!"

He was close, I could feel his feet pounding on the cement.

His fingers brushed up against my skin, trying to grab me.

"NO!" I screamed, pumping my legs faster.

"Buffy, please?" He cried, his voice sounding far away.

I stopped and saw he had stopped running. He was standing in the middle of the street, looking helpless.

"No! You just go back to Cordelia, I promise I won't come by again." I yelled, my voice somewhat deformed from the fangs.

"What are you?" Angel asked quietly, but I heard him.

"I don't know what I am. Not the Slayer, not human, not vampire. I'm an it." I hissed, turning and disappearing in the shadows.

I thought I heard him start to cry. Let out a strangled sob.

Maybe it was just my imagination.



I need answer.

I need to know why this is happening, and how I can stop it.

I need to see the Powers.

So, I go to Wesley's.

He answers the door and looks shocked at my appearance.

"Dear Lord, what happened?" He gasps, letting me in.

I tell him, everything.

After, he is stunned.


"Yeah, my same reaction."

God, I'm such a liar.

"I looked over the results and…you were the Slayer." He answered.

"Were?" I asked, scared.

"Yes, it seems that for two years you were the Slayer, but when you died the first time…"


I HATE water.

"…the Slayer part died with you and the…demonic visage took its place, therefore giving you you're strength, healing capabilities and such." He answered.


"I know this a is a shock." He says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

No, it's only just flipped my fucking life upside down.

"Its alright. But, I need answers and I can't talk to my Father. I can't." I said, desperately.

"I can take you to see the Powers That Be." Wesley answers.

"Take me." I say, giving him a small smile.

And, we go.


We end up under the Post Office, which is weird in its own way.

"We beseech access to the knowing ones…" Wesley murmurs.

And I'm awash in a bright light, and a sea of confusion.

"Why are you here, lower being?" An echoing voice asks.

I see two blue and golden figures.



I wish I was blue.

"What am I?"


Part 8

"What are you?" The male laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

The woman's glare silenced him.

"What have you brought us?" She asked, a sympathetic smile placed on her golden lips.

"Brought you?" I asked, looking around me. I had on a bracelet.

It was given to my be my mother.

"Nothing." I answered.

"You have brought us…nothing?" The male asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I've worked my ass off hard enough for you and now I find out I'm not even the good guys!" I exclaim, "What. Am. I?"

"You are a creature. A force stuck between good and evil. You are the Solitary Uprising. You walk alone, there are none of you're kind. You are a rebellion of your own kinds. Neither Slayer, demon, nor human. You are alone in your own world." The male says.

I gape at them, "Do I have to drink blood?"

The women smiles softly, "No. You will want too, maybe crave it, but you don't need it and soon your body will realize you don't need it and the craving will go away. Sunlight will make you uncomfortable. You're heart beats and you appear human. You can die like humans and vampires alike."

"What about the whole Slayer thing, am I still the Slayer?" I ask.

"You have their strength. That's it. The reason a new Slayer wasn't called after you died the second time was because the real Slayer part of you died the first time."

"Am I immortal?" I ask.

They appear to be listening to something, "Yes, and no. Only time will tell."

Thank you for making sense.

"I have one more question; Is Cordelia really a higher power?" I asked.

They both smiled, "She was not meant to be that way. She cannot handle that kind of responsibility. She was only made like that because she was dying and Angel wanted to save her."

He loves her.

"He doesn't. His heart will always belong to you. He's just acting stupidly. Make him see. He can help you. Together you are strong, alone you are dead." And, with that, I was thrown from the room and crashed right into Wesley.

"What did they tell you?" He asked, helping me up.

"They told me…" And I told him everything and we rode on the back of his motor cycle.

He stopped us at Angel's.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

I didn't want to be here.

"You have to explain to them." He said.

"I don't want too!" I cried.

He took my arm and led me there.

"You have too." He said.

"You're coming?" I asked.

"I can't. We aren't on very good terms." He said, a sad expression on his face.

"Angel is acting like an ass again?" I asked.

He cracked a smile.

"Wes, I'm sorry I was so hard on you those years ago. But, you're my friend, you helped me, and if Angel doesn't like it, he'll have to deal with me." I said.

He smiled.

"Right then."

We went in.

Everyone was in the room and there was a boy there. Not much younger than me. He turned when I came in and looked at me with awe. It was disturbing. The others turned and gaped.

I guess I really did look bad.

"What are you doing here?" Angel growled.

At first I thought he was talking to me. I was going to retort and yell but, Wesley's hand squeezed my arm. Angel saw and growled.

He had been talking to Wesley.

"Don't speak to him like that." I said.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Angel hissed.

"See me caring? Cause I don't He's my friend and he helped me when all of you wouldn't, or tried to kill me." I said pointedly.

"It's a wonder you didn't run to Spike." Cordelia retorted.

"Keep your nose out of where it doesn't belong or I'll cut it off. You look like you could use a new one too." I hissed, my eyes flashing.

"Did you do this to her?" Angel asked Wesley, growling.

"Oh, spare me the 'must protect mate and act like I care' routine. I'm sick of it. I don't need you're help and haven't for a long time now." I rolled my eyes.

"Then why are you here?" Cordelia asked.

"I thought you guys might like to know what's going on? But, if you like to be kept in the dark, I'll leave. Come on Wes." I said, as we turned to leave.

Angel was in front of me, his eyes golden.


I felt my eyes flash, "There was a time when you would just know what was happening by looking at me. Guess you've changed." I hissed and Wes and I sat down.

The boy, surprisingly, sat next to me.

I told them everything. Angel listened carefully, his expression changing.

The boy was the only who talked when I was finished, "Are you a demon?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I'm one of the good guys… I think."

"You are." Wesley said, smiling at me.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Angel's eyes flash.

Why, he's jealous.

That's funny.

"We…better go." I suggested as the tension became thick.

"Where are you staying?" Angel asked.

"Don't know." I answered, "Not at my Dad's."

"Stay with us." Angel said, almost pleading, "We have enough room."

I didn't know what to say.

I couldn't stay with him, I was too emotionally high-strung as it was.

"Actually, Buffy was going to stay with me." Wesley spoke up.

I glanced at him, gratefully.

"But, I'm sure we could clean up a-" Angel was cut off by Queen Bitch clutching at his arm.

"Angel, she said no. Now, let's go to bed." She said in her most seductive voice, making sure I heard.

Oh God.

Watch me gag on Cordelia's fake blonde mop of a head.

Heh heh, I crack myself up.

But, why let Cordy win?

I mean, who's the real good guy here? Certainty not Miss-Higher-power, but, am I even one of the good guys?


"You know, maybe I'll stay here. I mean, if it's not TOO much trouble…" I say, smirking when Angel nods.

Cordelia is fuming, "But, how do we know she won't kill us in our sleep?" She whines.

"You don't." I smirk.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Wesley asks, when I walk him out to his motorcycle.

"Yeah. I don't wanna cramp you're rogue-biker-watcher style here." I


Wesley nods and hugs me, "Be careful. They can be brutal." He adds.

"They've all changed, haven't they?" I ask.

"Yes, and I'm not sure for the better." Wesley says.

"Thanks again, Wes." I smile and walk back inside.

Everyone has gone back to their work, except for Cordelia glaring death at me.

The young boy comes up to me.

"Hey." I say.

"You're Buffy." He says.

"Last time I checked, yeah. Who're you?" I ask.

"Connor." He says.

Lots of info.

"Cool." I say back.

"You're hurt." He says looking at my bloodstained shirt.

I had completely forgotten about that. Stupid-face Cordelia had stabbed me.


Now that I thought about it, renewed pain throbbed.

"Yeah, guess I am." I try and shrug it off.

"How?" He asked.

"Accident." I answered.

"It'll get infected." He said, leading me to the bathroom.

I saw Angel watching with suspicious/curious eyes.

I felt childish and stuck my tongue out at him.

He smiled and laughed softly, shaking his head at me.

I'm such a kid sometimes.

So what?

You can bite me if you don't like it.

Connor leads me to the bathroom and gets out the first aid stuff.

I take off my sweat shirt and my tank top. All I'm left with is my black bra. Thank God I chose the less, um, sluttish one to wear today. This one is solid, no lace, holes, or…other.

The wound is almost healed by now, just bleeding a little.

"There are wood shavings in it." He says.

"So?" I asked.

"It won't heal." He says and starts to, gently, get them out.

I wince and try to make my face stay normal.

"There." He says after the pain is over, putting fresh gauze on the wound.

I smile at him.


He nods and leaves.

I walk out and everyone is gone.

I sigh with relief and slump on one of the couches. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stay here. My eyes are closed and I feel the couch dip from weight under it.

Angel's next to me.


"Hey back." I say.

Boy, what pleasant and riveting conversation we're having.

"What?" I ask, knowing something's bothering him.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks.

"If its about what I think, then no." I say.

He's going to ask about Spike.

"Why?" He chokes out in a strangled voice.

"I don't know." I sigh.

Everything is silent.

"I was confused. I didn't know what was going on and I felt different.

He said he understood… I just wanted to get away from it all." I tried to explain.

"Why didn't you come to me?" He asks.

"You know why."

I remember the night when we met at our spot.

I had pulled up in my car, cold and alone. I saw him waiting for me , sitting on the hood of his car. I got out and he said nothing until I was beside him.

"Hey." I said softly.

He got down and looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears.

He hugged me, desperately, clinging to me.

I felt trapped.

My breathing hitched and I closed my eyes.

He pulled away and looked at me.

"You were dead."

"I might as well be." I said, my voice void of…anything.

"Buffy…" He said.

"No!" I snapped.

"Buffy, I can help you." He said.

"No, I don't want help! I'm sick of everyone wanting to 'help'. You'll just make it worse." I yelled.

My muddled mind was making me lash out.

"Buffy, please. I need you…" He said softly.

"Well, I don't need you. This would have happened if you hadn't have left. Its all your fault." I accused, venom in my voice.

He looked like I had slapped him.

"It is. You know it, I know it. The whole fucking world knows it!" I

scream and start to cry.

I felt like I was dying.

He had held me, despite what I had said. But, I knew he was falling apart by my harsh words, but I didn't care.

Now, I would give anything to take them back.

"I'm sorry for what I said." I whisper, remembering that night.

He didn't answer.

"Isn't it funny?" He asked after a moment, "How I left you for a better

life, and you get this instead? You're Mom dies, you get a sister, you…die, and now you find out you're not human."

"Yeah, great normal life." I said.

"You were supposed to have a family, fall in love…"

"I did." I protest.

"Not with me." He said.

"Yes with you, you idiot. It's always been you, you're just too dense to see it." I retort.

And suddenly we're kissing. His hands are weaving through my hair, his lips roughly pressing against mine, his tongue entering my mouth.

I moan as these lost sensations fill me.

I love this man.

More than ever.

But, he's still a bastard.

I open my eyes to reveal yellow/red instead of green. He's not taken aback. He looks at me with great adoration.

"You're still beautiful." He whispers, hoarsely.

I realize what's happening and jump up.

I can't do this again.

Can't give myself to him and let him pull away, leaving me a wreak.

Besides, don't we hate each other?

Ha, su-u-u-u-uure.

Let's pretend I'm serious.

"Good night." I whisper and go to a vacant room.

I try and sleep.

Key word, try.

No rest for the wicked.

Or half-breeds.


Part 9

I awake in the early afternoon with a sense of rest. I have slept all my exhaustion away.


I get up and pull on a pair of sweats that are on the dresser. I pad to the bathroom and hear everyone busying around down there. I groan and do my necessary toiletries. I attempt to pull my mussed hair in a ponytail and walk down stairs. It's past one and everyone is dressed and busy. I actually find the kitchen and look through it.


Health food.

Where's the fatty sausage and eggs? These people have no sense of taste.

"You're still here?" An annoying voice asks from behind me.

"Unfortunately for you." I mumble, looking at her.

"God, you look like death." She smirks.

"Terrific." I say.

God do I care what she thinks?

Let me count the ways.



"When do you leave?" She keeps firing questions.

Angel won't really care if I kill her…right?

I mean, I can make him forget her…

Bad Buffy!

"I DON'T know." I say.

"God, take a Midol." She remarks.

"Then give me some, cause I know you must like inject it into you like friggen morphine. Little tip, doesn't look like it working." I mock whispered.

She glared.

I smirked and went to look for something to eat.

I settled for some strawberry pop tarts.

I walked out and sat on one of the red plush couches. The black man came up to me.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey back." I answered

I looked at him for a moment and blushed.

"Sorry, I don't know your name.' I said sheepishly.

"No big. It's Gunn. Charles Gunn." He answered.

"Gunn, like bang-bang?" I asked, holding my hand like a gun.

He laughed, "Yeah, Gunn like bang-bang."

"So…you're Buffy." He finally said.

"Wait, let me guess. You thought I'd be taller, more muscles?" I ask.

Everyone says that about me.

So what if I'm short and un-muscle-y?

He laughs, "Yeah."

I roll my eyes and see Angel come down the stairs.

"He's just getting up?" I ask quietly.

Gunn shrugged "Don't know."

"A man of many words." I mused.

He shook his head and smiled, "You are something else…"

"That's me…" I said.

"So, Cordy don't like you." He said.

"I don't like her." I said.


"Cause. She was a bitch in high school, she's a bitch now." I said.

"You should hear her sing."

I almost chocked on my pop tart, "She sings?!"

I coughed as I sputtered out those words. Gunn clapped his hand on my back, laughing.

Everyone was looking at us.

Guess that was kinda loud…

Angel looked at me with a strange expression.

I tried to smile, but I couldn't. Every time I looked at him, I could feel his lips on mine.

It was unnerving.

Also a big turn on.

I need to get laid.

I sound like Xander, ew.

I nibbled on the last of my pop tart and got up.

"Getting kind of skinny for a warrior." I heard Cordelia remark.

I turned to face her and put my hands on my hips, "What the hell do you want now?"

"I was just saying, you don't look the a Slayer. But, wait, you aren't one, are you." She sighed.

"You think you're stronger than me?" I asked, a smile growing on my face.

"Actually, yeah." She smirked.

"Let's go." I said, beckoning her with my hands.

"You wanna be little Miss- Higher-Power? Come on then, kick my ass." I taunted.

"Buffy, stop it." Angel growled, standing beside her.

I fumed, "Just like you to take her side. Stay out of it, Angel. She thinks she can take me down, I say bring it on, bitch."

Cordelia stepped foreword, "I can kick your ass any day."

"Sure, prove it." I said, getting into my fighting stance.

"Cool, cat fight." Gunn hooted.

I smirked at him, and turned back, barely missing Cordelia's jab to my face. She tried it again and I moved sideways, missing it.

I laugh at her attempts to beat me.

"That all you got?" I asked.

I was too busy gloating that she hit me, square in the face.

"Uh oh." Gunn said.

I reeled and threw a punch at her stomach, making her double over. I dropped to the ground, sweeping my feet under hers and she falls to the ground with a cry. I straddled her and help my hand over her neck.

"Get off her." Angel growled.

I made the mistake of looking up and Cordelia flipped me over. She somehow had gotten hold on a stake and held it over my heart.

"I wonder if you'll turn to dust. I'd dance on your ashes." She hissed.

"Nothing I haven't heard before. You wanna kill me? Do it." I hissed back.

She started to press down when she was ripped off me. Angel was standing over me, furious, his eyes glowing.

I glared back at him and climbed to my feet.

"Guess I won." Cordelia gloated.

"No, you didn't kill me."

"I could have."

"But you didn't. Big mistake, sweetheart."

I started to laugh as I climbed the stairs.

Angel was behind me.

"What were you doing?" He growls.

"Training." I say with a laugh.

Yeah right.

I'd be dead if I had to train with her, I slit my own wrists.

Or be killed by the disease of utter stupidity I'd catch from being around her too much.


I crack myself up.


I left that afternoon. Of course, I didn't tell anyone. I kind of climbed out the window and jumped from the roof. I landed on my feet.


Maybe I'm part cat too.

I wonder what else they threw inside me.

Maybe a bird.

It'd be cool to fly.

But…let's not find out.

Breaking bones, NOT on the agenda today.

I walk to Wesley's, and its actually refreshing. The sky is a soft blue and there are large puffy clouds in the sky which is unusual for LA, because all you see is smog most of the time. I ring Wes's bell and he answers. He's on the phone, and he motions me to be quiet.

"No, I don't know where she went. She probably left, although I can't blame her; with you acting like a fool and Cordelia taunting her."

He paused and I just knew that was Angel calling him.

"I don't personally care if you think I'm lying. If she's gone without telling you, maybe you should take that as a subtle hint. She probably does not want to be around people like you."

Another pause.

"Yes, people like you. You're not the man she nor I knew you to be and you have NOT changed for the better." Wesley retorted.

He hung up on Angel and I laughed.

"He's not too happy, is he?" I asked, lounging on his couch.

"Not particularly." He smiled.

"Cordelia tried to stake me." I said.

"Again? God, that women must have some sort of aspiration for death."

"Well, she was never the sharpest tool in the shed." I shrugged.

Hehe. I'm evil.

Wesley shook his head, smiling.

"She actually grew up a bit the first two years but Angel helped her become a 'high-power'" He said using finger quotations, "She used that as an excuse to make her seem more powerful than she was. She became quite the bitch too."

I burst out laughing at how casually he had said that.

He smiled at my amusement.

I know we have to call Giles and tell him and those bastards of the

Council everything.

But, I don't want too.

Because that would make everything true.

And I don't want it to be true.

Not now.

Not ever.


Part 10

Wes and I decided to drive down to Sunnydale instead of inviting them all here in LA. So, we were riding down the highway on his wicked motorcycle. And, oh my God, you'll never guess who we see.


In his old, black, GT-something or other, convertible. We rode along side them for a good 15 minutes before I looked over. We met eyes and I realized who he was. The look on his face was priceless. Maybe it was because I wasn't wearing a helmet, cause, let's face it, there's no way in hell I was going to wear that hot pink one. Maybe it was because I was wearing this black corset tank top thing and leather pants, my hair streaming behind me. Or maybe it was the fact I was riding with Wesley the miffed him off.

He looked pissed.

So I laughed.

"Look!" I yelled to Wesley over the roar of the engine.

He looked over and laughed.

I looked back at Angel and smirked, blowing him an exaggerated kiss.

Wesley sped up unexpectedly and I almost fell off the bike, grabbing to Wes's jacket.

I chanced a look back and saw Gunn laughing his head off, he stuck his head out the window and hollered, "Smooth moves, B.!"

I smirked and flipped him off.

Wes sped off and I made sure to hang on.


We made it to the Magic shop and then walked to my house. It was after sunset and I remembered I had left Spike, alone, in my apartment. We got there and I let him in. Wes looked around, poking at my books and antiques. I went into Spike's room and found him watching, none other than, Passions. I sighed.

"Hey Blondie, 'bout time you're back." He mumbled.

"Hey. So… you ok?" I asked.

"Yep. Where ya been?" he asked.

"LA." I answer.

He turned to me, smirking, "Ya see Peaches, then? He called here and when I answered, he had the biggest hissy fit. Quiet nice entertainment."

I smiled, "Well, he's on his way here. Want to go to the Magic Shop? I

promise you can annoy him *all* you want. I'll help."

He beamed, then smirked, "Can't wait. Let's go."


The three of us arrived and saw the LA crew sitting around the table.

Angel glowered when he saw Wesley, then growled when he saw Spike.

"Hey." I said, in a perky-all-is-right-with-the-world voice.

Willow smiled and hugged me. I awkwardly hugged her back.

"How are you?" Giles asked, his tone fatherly as I approach him.

I make a quick glance at Cordelia and Angel then sigh, "Been better."

He gives me a quick hug then sets his glare on Angel and Queen Bitch. I know this look, it says 'You say one word to make her upset and I'll wring your bloody neck'. I brighten a little and sit down.

"So, Cordy, you're a demon now. Took long enough for the evil to work its way through your inner slut." Xander remarks.

I laugh.

"Well, I'm not the only demon around here." She hisses, glaring at me.

I roll my eyes, "Shut the hell up."

Spike pulls up a chair and sits behind me. I can feel it.


Angel's eyes flash and he lets out a low growl only the three of us can here.

"Oh, sod off Peaches." He bites out, clearly enjoying this.

"Children, do hush." Giles sighs, "Now, Buffy, did you find anything out from your Father?"

I lower my eyes, remembering the screaming match we had, "Yeah Just what I am…and why. A freak." I try and say lightly.

Cordelia snorts, "That's what I've been telling you for years. No one ever listens to me."

I sigh harshly, glaring at her, letting my eyes flash the tiniest bit, "Gee, I wonder why."

Spike chuckles and lays a cold hand on my bare shoulder, for strength. He knows how hard this all is for me. Standing up to Angel and Cordelia. Even if he was a British pervert, and had tried to rape me in a haze of blind attraction, he still knew I loved stupid Angel. And it was silently breaking my heart to see him stick up for the blonde-higher-power-wannabe-slut. Angel took this, the wrong way and a loud growl rumbled from his throat.

"Get your hands off her." He ordered.

"Make me, you pansy-ass poof." Spike shot at him.

To my surprise and amusement Anya walked into the room with popcorn.

"Maybe we should wrap this up so Buffy and Spike can go to a crypt and fuck." Cordelia snapped, a wicked smile crossing her face.

The room froze as everyone awaited to see what I would do.

I stood up slowly, moving my hair out of my face.

"You have two choices," I start, quietly, slowly, "Shut the hell up, before I smash in that mountain you call a face, or you can get up, and leave. I assure you, no one will miss you."

Everyone seems to let out a sigh of relief I don't start any bloodshed.

"Make me. I don't care if you're Miss-half-breed-Slayer-slut, for once back up your threats, and kick my ass." She retorts.

Everyone tenses again as I answer.

"You really don't want that. I couldn't kill you in LA. That was your town. But, you're on my turf here, and I like to get rid of demon scum." I said, low in my throat.

I really don't want to fight her.

Spike can see how she is getting to me and how my self-control is wearing thin.

"Angelus, stop that girl, now." He growls, standing in front of me as if to ward me.

"Oh, so you have your demon lover protect you. Ohhh, poor little Fluffy. Can't hold her own." She taunted.

I clenched my fists.

"Stop it, Cordy." Angel said in a low growl.

"No! If she and Spike wanna go at it, I say why not? Let's get popcorn." Cordelia hissed.

That's why I lost it.

But, I didn't do what you thought.

Punches didn't fly.

Blood did not spill.

I wish.

But, I started to cry.

I know, I know. You're saying, Buffy? Crying? Yeah right.

But, I did.

"Will I ever live this down?" I asked, his voice breaking and tears streaming down my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily, but they keep falling.

"Pet…" Spike tries to pull me out of the room.

"No!" I scream, "No, they keep bringing it up! So, I'll tell them. Yes!

I slept with Spike, many times! I tried to lose myself into him. I tried to bury my problems in touches and empty caresses. I wanted to die. And I thought that somehow things would get out of control and Spike would kill me. But I got over it!" I screamed.

Everyone was deadly silent, all eyes on me.

Everyone was shocked.

They held their breath as I stepped up to Cordelia.

"Quit bringing this up. Quit rubbing it in my face. You've got Angel, ok? You've got him and I'm not doing anything to take him away. Leave me alone now, or I will kill you and never feel an ounce of remorse." I hissed lethally.

I turn on my heel and walk out the door. I feel that Angel starts to follow me. I hear him open the door to run after me He wants too…

But he doesn't.

For some reason, he doesn't.

And I feel my heart shatter more.


Can I BE anymore dramatic?


I go home. I'm tired, upset, and unbelievably icky feeling. I want to puke. I actually do. I fall asleep on the couch, in the middle of 'Friends'. I awoke, kind of, when I heard the door open and shut.

"You live with her?" A voice asked.


In my house.




I close my eyes and feign sleep.

"Yes, I bloody live with her. Why you looking so surprised? We're close." Spike leered.

I heard Angel growl.

"Oh hell! She's on the couch." Spike hisses.

I can feel Angel's hands brush my cheek.

"You better not wake her up, or they'll be hell to pay. Sides, she'll kick my ass fer' havin' ya here." Spike says, opening the fridge.

"She hates me now." Angel whispers.


I don't.

Most of the time.

"Can't argue there. You left her and look what happened. No you're with Cordelia. Her arch fucking enemy." Spike says.

"I don't love Cordelia." Angel says.

"She thinks you do. She still loves you and hates they way she's feeling. Jealous, confusion, and weakness. And she lashes out. S'how she is." Spike muses.

"How do you know all of this?" Angel asks.

"How can't I? I've been seeing her destroy herself for years now. It's only going to get worse. Get your seer to leave and go back to LA. She ain't welcome here." Spike says.

They keep talking.

But I fall asleep, Angel's hands still caressing my face and hair.


Part 11

I sleep through the whole night, which actually feels good. I wake up rested for once. Angel is no where to be found and Spike, I think, drunk himself to sleep. There's a bottle of half full tequila next to him. I sigh and clean it up. I go to put it in the fridge.

I take a sip and actually wince as the burning liquid runs into my mouth and down my throat.


I shake my head and stick it in the fridge. Looking at the clock, I see its 9:30.


That's the earliest I've gotten up in a week.

Oh well, I've got places to be and classes to take. I get dressed in a light blue tank top and kakis. I put on sandals and gathered my books and walked out the door.

I was having such a good day, on the way to school, I picked up a creamy latte and a McBagel things. It was delicious, if riddled with fat. Yummy sausage, cheese, and egg.


I arrived just in time for Psych. I snag a seat in the back and, guess who's there.


"Hey Buffy." He greets.

"Hey back." I say nonchalantly.

He does that fast eye drop that guys are always doing, I guess he likes what he sees because his eyes spark.

"So… Are you seeing someone?" He asked.

Why do guys always do this to me? Trap me, ask me out, and I'm just too damn polite to say take a damn hike.

"Seeing someone?"


"Well, not seeing someone in the strictest sense of seeing someone, but I guess I am seeing someone, but I'm not really seeing someone." I babble.

Oh my God.

Was that even a sentence?

Did that even make any sense?

His lips quirk.

He's laughing at me!

Of course, my foot is in my mouth once again.

"Um, that would be a no. Kind of." I add quickly.

"Maybe, do you want to go out sometime?" He asks.


What am I supposed to say?

What a minute.


Do we remember the souled-creature-of-the-night-hunk-of-burning-GRR!-?

And I m talking to myself as 'we' now?

I think I have a friggen colony in my head or something.

Crap, while I am having a discussion with myself, he's awaiting an answer.



"Um, can I think about it? Get back to you in Myth?" I ask, calmly, coolly.

He smiles.


"Until then." I say.


Just great…



I'm at Myth now, and I have made my decision.

I will go out with him

But, listen, before I get stuff thrown at me, it's not because I like him. I mean, yeah, he's a cutie. And, maybe I like him…like I like Xander. But, I want to show stupid face Angel that I can move on and his being here does not effect me. I know, I have biting come backs, I mean…

Stupid face?

I can have demons and humans scared shitless at the mention of my name, and I say STUPID FACE?

Oh well, sue me.

I walk in and Brett's eyes lock with mine. I smile, if a bit falsely.

"Have you decided?" He asks.

I nodded, "Sure. I'll go out with you. Tonight?" I ask.

He looks taken aback, but pleased.

"S-sure. At The Bronze? 9ish?" He asks.

I smile, again with the fakeness.

"No problem."

God, I am so evil.


I'm getting dressed for my 'date' when my phone rings.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Buffy? We need you to come to the shop."

It's Giles.


"But, I have a date." I whine.

I play the role perfectly because he stutters.

"A-a-a Date?"

"Yes, a date. I am going out to see someone. But, I'll drop in. Can we make it quick?" I ask.

"What? Oh-um, y-yes."

We hang up.


I drive and am there with 10 minutes.

I saunter in and everyone stares at me.

Leather pants, revealing black top, dark makeup, and my hair is kinked.

I know, so totally Faith, but, hey?-she's got taste, if a bit on the slut side.

"Can we make this quick? I have a date." I say.

Everyone does a double-take!

Willow squeals.

Xander and Anya's mouth drops open.

Cordelia sneers.

Giles, still, is shocked.

I make eye contact with Wes then Spike and instantly they know what's going on.

"Brilliant! Slayer's got a date." He exclaims, then his expression turns sly, "Hope he can compare to me."

My mouth drops, "Pervert."

And, then I see Angel.

He's fuming. His face is red, can vampires do that?, his eyes *blazing* yellow with tinted red.

Oh God…

Is this supposed to make me want him?

Ugh, no, stop naughty lustful Angel thoughts.

Now, is so not the time!

Angel looks torn between screaming with rage and killing me.



I roll my black lined eyes, "And I'm here why?"

"Oh! Uh, we have some information about what you are… But, I think it can wait." Wesley says, smiling at me.

Oh, I could kiss him.


I won't.

Because that's just wrong.

But, I hug him briefly, then turn to Giles.

"That's ok, right?" I ask.

He nods smiling, "Be careful."

"You know me."

"Again, be careful."

I smirk.

Willow grabs my hand, "I want details!" She squeals.

I smile, and nod, "Of course."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Spike calls out, leering at me.

I roll my eyes, "Later,"

I decide to walk and leave my car. Though the window, before I turned around, I saw Angel through the window, his eyes locking with mine. My lips parted…then I almost fell flat on my face.

How graceful I am for a Slayer.

I turned around, feeling my face flush with a burning hotness. My heels click on the cold sidewalk as I near The Bronze. I feel someone following me, but at this point, I don't care enough to turn around.

I enter the club and the guy stamps my hands.


I can drink.

And, it's so sad I am amused by this.

I go up to the bar and lean against it. I order a whatever-shaken-not-stirred. I sip it slowly, enjoying the burning in my mouth.


I see Brett right as he sees me. He waves. I wave back, plastering a smile on my face.

"Hey!" He yells over the pounding music.

"Hey back." I greet, sipping my drink.

"Want to dance?" He asks.

I shrug, finish my drink, and then nod.

"Come on!" I yell, leading him into the throng.

We move and 'groove' to the music.

I crack myself up.

But, really. I'm having fun. A slow song comes on.

Wheels of my mind start spinning.

I know Angel is here.

I can feel him.

His being pounds into me like nothing I've ever felt before. He's mad. I can feel his rage. He's near, watching me.


Slow dance + Brett = sexy dance that will drive Angel crazy.

"Let's have fun." I whispered in Brett's ear.

I get in front of him and start to rub against him. I began my little dance.

Hmm, de ja vue.


I am evil.

I let my eyes sweep the thick crowd and spot Angel. He's standing beside the stairs, looking pissed off as hell.

I feel satisfaction flutter within me.

Cordelia Chase, eat your heart out.

The dance ends and Brett looks like he's had the time of his life.

"I'm going to get a drink!" I yell over the music and leave without waiting for an answer.

I order whatever I had before, shaken-not-stirred. I'm just about to take a drink when someone grabs my arm.

"What the hell?!" I yell.

It's Angel.


"Stalking is illegal in all fifty states." I bite out

He growls fiercely and I see how raged he his.

Eyes flashing.

Oh God.

He pushes me against the cold wall and grips my waist painfully. His lips cover my and I try to protest.

But, it feels to good, too familiar.

God, I am so weak.

After moments, I need to breath and try to push him away. He allows it, but moves those heavenly lips to my neck, where he bites and nips my scar.

I melt under him.

"Why?" I gasp.

At least I'm partially coherent.

"Cause, you're mine." He growls.

I fume

"I don't belong to anyone." I snap.

He shrugs.


He's pissing me off.

"Why don't you go home to Queen Cordy, that is if she's done being a

'higher-power'." I mock, my lips curling up in a sneer.

"Why don't you go home to Spike? Do you share a bed with him?" He growls.

"You know I don't." I whisper.

He looks at me, his dark eyes boring into mine.

"I have to go." I said, pushing him away.


"Don't!" I say, holding up my hand, "Just don't."

I make up some excuse to Brett, finish my drink, and go home.

I'm feeling a bit buzzed, partially from the drinks…and Angel's kiss.



But I love him.

Lucky me, could I have a more screwed up life?

And then, there's a knock at my door.

And it's him.

"Can we talk?" Angel asks.

I nod, let him in, and sit down, looking at my hands.

Oh God…

What have I gotten my self into?


Part 12

"We need to talk." Angel says.

"Talk? Why talk? Talking means bringing up things, and we never do the whole bringing-up-things-talking-thing. We don't talk." I babble quietly.

God, I am such a basket case.

Angel cracks a smile.

I feel sick and lean back against my plush cushions.

"Why do we need to talk?" I mumble.

"What happened to us?" Angel asked.

I snorted, "You want me to list the reasons?"

He scowls, "I'm serious."

"So am I."

"When did we begin to hate each other?" He asked.

"Hmm, maybe before I died the second time…or maybe it was after you slept with Darla." I retort dryly.

He growls.

"No, I can do that too, so don't even start." I say.

I think.


Light bulb!

"Is this the life you wanted me to have, Angel? Think about it. Is normal pretending to love someone and lying to your friends everyday? Is normal finding out your sister isn't real and is some kind of a key? Normal is walking into the living room and finding your Mother dead on the sofa? Dying for the second time? Having your friends dutifully rip you out of heaven because they miss you, having an affair with your arch enemy? Finding out that you're a hybrid, the only one of your kind…a freak? " I ask, my eyes are now blurry with tears, "Is this what you wanted for me, cause if it is, let me tell you thanks. Thanks for giving my this crack job of a life. Thanks for leaving me alone. Thanks for making me miss you so much every day that it feels like I'm dying. For making me pretend that every guy I'm with is you, but they can't be. Never. Thanks a whole fucking lot."

I bury my head in my hands. I have a pounding headache, I feel nauseas, and all the pain that I've carefully buried over the past four years comes barreling back, hitting me with such a force, I think I could pass out.

I should.

It'll make him feel guilty, the stupid hunky bastard.

"I wanted you to have a normal life…" He murmured.

"Normal is so overrated. Normal ended when I turned 14! Before you knew me. When my parents started to fight. When they started to sleep in different bedrooms. When I was called by some freaky old guy who just happened to die because of me. Normal has been nonexistent for years, Angel, even before I knew you. I'm the Slayer, destined to save the world, see what really goes on in the shadows, destined to die before she hits 25. I don't know how you expect me to find normal when what I do *is* normal." I sigh.

God, get a clue.

"You deserve normal." Angel mutters.

"Normal what? A husband? 2.3 children? A small house with a white picket fence? I don't want that. I can't marry someone who doesn't know what really goes on. I won't have kids, I can't even take care of my sister. I don't want a house, I happen to like my apartment." I argue.

"But, you weren't supposed to live like this! You were supposed to be happy, to be at peace. To be like any other normal girl!" He exclaims.


Sing me a new tune, this one's getting old.

"I am happy! Most of the time. So, the occasional apocalypse and my irregular bouts with death may make me a little bummed, so what? I'm going to collage, I'm living off of Daddy's money, and I can finally drive, what more do you want? This is as normal as it's going to get, sweetie!"

My voice was mocking, but, get this, I DON'T CARE!

I'm getting upset now. Not upset like mad, but just emotional upset.

Doesn't set too well with liquor in your body.

My stomach churns.

He's silent.

"What, no argument?" I say sardonically.

He sighs, "How did we get this way?"

"Don't ask me. I screwed myself up long ago. Nothing much makes sense anymore." I mumbled, trying to ignore waves of nausea sweeping through me.

"It wasn't your fault." Angel tries to sooth me.

"The hell it wasn't."

This is the Angel I remember.

Not the dork Angel.

Not the Cordelia loving Angel.

Not the champion Angel.

My Angel.

Of course, being the stubborn bitch I'm known to be, I'll never admit that, to anyone. Not even me.

What a sense maker I am.

"Buffy, I still lo-" Angel starts.

I jump up and shake my head.

"No, no, NO! Don't go there. Just stop."

Oh God…

The room is spinning.

I went to Six Flags once back when I lived in LA with some friends. We all went on some ride that had you strapped in and it spun. When we got off, I was so dizzy that I fell down the metal stairs and had skinned my knees so bad. But, my vision had been swimming, the sun, sky, and bright colors swarming into this big kaleidoscope of colors.

I puked.

All over Tyler's ugly-ass, preppy, Abercrombie and Fitch shirt.

It was on helluva time.

I feel against my couch, and I felt like road kill.

I know, colorful expressions.

Well, shut up and leave me alone! I'm sexually frustrated, emotionally unstable, drunk, and not to mention that I have my-former-kinda-still-but-not-lover in my house-err--apartment.

Excuses, excuses.

And now I'm talking to myself.

What else is new?

"Are you ok?" Angel asks, breaking my metal argument.

"No." I answer.

He moves to help me and I shove him away, "Look, don't touch me!" I snap.

He sigh in frustration, "You're so damn stubborn sometimes."

"Yeah? Well, you're an idiot sometimes." I retort.

We're so second grade here.

Ohhh, maybe now he'll pull my pigtails!

If I wore pigtails that is…


"Buffy…" He says.

How can he say my name in so many different ways?

When he's mad its like *Buf-fy*!

When he's sad he kind of sighs, like Buh-fey…

And when he euphoric its like…never mind.

Let's NOT go there.

Angel looks up at me, his eyes are unreadable.

"What happened to you?" He finally asked.

I look up at him sharply, "Excuse me?"

"Who are you? You're not the Buffy I know, the Buffy I remember." He says.

"Sorry, sweetie, people change." I retort.

"See? This right here. You're sarcastic, you're bitter. You are a bitch, Buffy." He sneers, his face disgusted.

I stand up, damn the spinning.

"How dare you!"

"How dare I? Buffy, I'm making a simple observation. Who. Are. You?"

"Simple observation my ass. Seems like you're taking tact lessons with Cordelia. I see they're improving." I sneer.

"You weren't like this. When your Mother… When I saw you before… You were different. Like you were. Not this-this pod person." Angel stammered, seeming to falter through words.

"Sorry if I mess up your dream of Perfect-Buffy. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know! So *don't* come into *my* home, in *my* town and tell me who to be. Angel, go back to LA." I hiss.

"I *do* know what you went through. Hell, Buffy! You went through hell! You lost your Mother and found out your sister was some sort of key! Then you had to be *noble* and kill yourself!" Angel mocked me.

"Don't you dare-!"

"Dare, what? Tell you that you were selfish! And stupid! Because you were! You couldn't think of anyone but yourself. Only what you'd be losing. Not what we'd all be losing!" Angel yelled.

I could tell that he was truly upset.


Did I care?

Hell no!

"Selfish?!" I scream, "You call it selfish for busting my ass every god damned night for 6 years?! For saving people who hate me? Don't even know me! Who could care less if I was dead or alive?"

"WE cared that you were alive! Don't you see? You had many people who DID know you and who DID love you AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE ONE FLYING FUCK WHAT WE FELT!!! How badly we hurt because you had to be so self-centered and take a leap off that tower. It wasn't your life that was supposed to end. You weren't supposed to die. DAWN WAS! She's not even real. The monks made her for one purpose! To die!" He yelled back.

I saw red.

Blood red.

I suddenly had him be the throat and he was pushed up against my wall.

"Don't you EVER talk that way about my sister! She's ALL I have left. My Mom left me. My Dad left me, and lets not forget your dramatic exit. If she would have died, I would have been alone, again. With NOTHING! You know NOTHING about this so don't make lame-ass assumptions about this."

"So, you were worried about being left alone." He sneered, and my heart almost stopped at how much he looked like Angelus right now, "YOU were worried about YOU being left alone yet you gave no thought as how the rest of us would feel. How alone we would be."

"Who is 'us'? And 'we'? Since when have you been apart of this? If my memories are correct, you left in '99. That happened in '01. You haven't been part of any of this 'we' for quite awhile."

It's a low blow.

I know, I know…

Angel shakes his head, pissed off as hell.

"You left everyone, without a second thought. Without a care with what would happen. Sunnydale with no Slayer, it's only a matter of time before they'll die."

"You may have forgotten that I'm not a Slayer. I'm a half-breed." I sneer.

We're then quiet, I mean, what else is there to say?

Sure, we could throw more accusations in each others faces and scream until we both vamp out, but what good will it do?


It'll make everything worse, maybe so bad things will never be right again.

But…what's right?

I don't know anymore.

My life's too fucked up at the moment, too clouded for me to see good and bad.

"He's not human." Angel finally says.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"That guy you were…dancing with." Angel stresses the words dancing, "He's not human."

"No surprise there." I mumbled.

"Be careful." Angel mutters, then leaves.

Just walks out the door in that silent way of his.

Mr. Stealthy.

I look at the clock and sigh. It's past midnight.

I guess a quick sweep of the cemeteries wouldn't hurt.

Besides, maybe I'll work off all this pent up frustration.




Part 13

I end up beating the living crap out of the undead until 4:30. I guess you could say I was a little aggravated. Or you could say I was pissed off. Whatever it was, it kept me up all night. So, I just kept on a-pummeling.

Then, I was confronted.

By a demon.

Or a few demons.

I guess you could say I was a little bit outnumbered. Oh, there were maybe 25 demons there. Roughly.


I can handle anything.

At least that's what I thought…

"Girl…" One hissed.

The others followed, growling.

My adrenaline shot up and my eyes went golden, letting me see everything as if one was wearing those cool night vision goggles. I could feel my teeth growing, protruding.


I will never get used to that.

"Get out of my way." I growled.

They all stared at me for the longest moment then, row by row, the bowed.

Wait a minute?


"What the hell is going on?" I asked, low, my voice coming out as a growl.

"You are the One. The new leader. We serve you." He said.

My eyes were so wide I'm surprised they didn't just roll out.

"Hold on and back up the proverbial bandwagon. New leader? Serve me? Hello? I could kill you in 2 seconds flat! While I'm sleeping!" I exclaim.

They blink.

"If that is what you wish." He finally said.

"Oh my God…" I laughed.

This was totally unreal.

"I smell sorrow on you, is there anyone you wish us to kill?" A meek looking troll thing asked.

"Kill? No. No killing. At all." I babbled.

They all nodded.

Good little demonic foot-soldiers.

"I'm going to…go. You all do what you need to do…ok?" I left in a daze and went to the only person I could talk to.

Let me guess…

You thinking Angel?

Well, you've won our Grand Prize on Get A Clue!

No, not Angel you romantics.

My two favorite Watchers.



Wes and Giles.


No one's in when I get there so I let myself in and start to open it. I clean the whole thing, restock, and even count the money. It was pretty fun.

"What are you doing?" A shrill voice asked.

I whirled around and found Anya glaring at me.

"Um, cleaning?"

"No. No, you were fondling the money!" She cried.

"What? I was not!" I cried back.

"Yes you were, I saw you." She paused, "Don't you just love the feel of the crisp dollars? Its that best part of the job. It reminds me when I was in France, say…oh maybe 400 years ago, this young girl made a wish that a swarm of locusts would nest on her boyfriends pen-"

I slapped my hand over her mouth.

'Please don't finish that." I pleaded.

She looked at me blankly, the shrugged disgustedly, "I don't know what it is with you humans. You get so embarrassed and turn an interesting shade of red."

I shook my head, "Um, thanks, I guess."

We don't really talk much more but I swear to God I hear her talking to the money. But, hey, I guess everyone has their own quirks.

Giles and Wesley come in shortly after and seem surprised to see me sitting there.

"Did you even go to sleep tonight?" Wes asks me.

"No, I couldn't." I answered, then saw the reason they were shocked.

I was still wearing my sluttish club clothes.

"Heh heh, whoops." I mutter.

Wesley throws me a shirt. I look over to make sure he's still wearing his.

He is.


I put it on and button the middle button.

"Did something happen?" Giles asks.

"Kind of." I mutter.

"Care to elaborate?" Giles asks impatiently.

"Um yeah. I got ambushed by a bunch of demons this morning." I say.

God, how do I explain this?

"They all told me I am supposed to be their leader or something, their mistress." I say disgustedly and very quickly.

They're silent.

"Um, this is where you tell me how stupid that is and how I must have been drunk?" I say weakly.

Wes and Giles share a glance.

"We were afraid of this." Wesley finally says.

"No." I whisper.

"Buffy, because of your…status, many people will be after you. To some you are an abomination. To others you are almost God-like." Giles explains in a gentle voice.

"When you say others, you mean demons don't you." I state.

He nods.

"Then what am I?" I ask.

They don't answer.

They don't know.

No one does.

Except my Father.


I fall asleep sometime after the rest of the gang gets here. I had taken the Codex and started to read it but no sleep takes a toll on you and the excess energy soon wears off.

I have a dream.


Not a dream.

A nightmare.

The sky is burning. People are panicking and screaming. I can smell blood.

Oh God, so much blood.

There's a high hill, darkened with hundreds of demons crowding the surface.

And there's someone standing in front.

A girl.

Her face is deadly pale, her hair golden, and whipping around her face. Her teeth are long, pearly white…stained with blood. Her eyes are glowing red, evil flooding them.

Her mouth opens to speak.

"Kill them all."

Spoken with deadly force, driven resolve.

I know this girl.

She's me.


I awake gasping for breath, but thankfully I don't scream. As if I'm not already embarrassed, everyone is staring at me.

Take a damn picture why don't you.

"Sorry." I mumble and get up to get a drink.

"Are you alright, pet?" Spike asks me.

"Peachy." I say shortly.

Everyone gets the message that I don't want to talk about it.

They leave me alone.

I yawn and stretch, and take a sip of Spike's mocha.

He had a weird fascination with them. But, hey, I don't mind. He's always got an extra in the fridge for me.

I see Cordelia gag out of the corner of my eyes.

Hopefully, she chokes on a fur-ball and dies.

"Have it, pet." Spike says.

I smile gratefully and nod.


"Buffy, we found something." Giles said.

I turned to look at him.

"Tell me."

"She walks alone. Picked to fight, destined to die. Crossing the line twice and caught in-between. She gives in to her dark side, her need for evil. It draws her in and takes hold of her, never letting go. It will change her." Giles reads out of a book.

I freeze.

"They, uh, they're talking about me." I said.

Giles nods.

I look down.

I don't know what to say. What am I supposed to say? I need to go talk to my Father. But, I really don't want too.


"Buffy? Are you ok?" Willow asks me, breaking me out of my reverie.

I look up, almost startled, then smile a little and nod, "Yeah. I-I need to go."

I started to turn and leave when Angel grabbed my wrist.

It wasn't tight or painful, it was light, and his cool fingers burned me like dry ice. I stopped and looked up at him. His eyes were searching, looking for any hidden pain or sorrow.

"Where?" He asked.

"To see my Father." I answered quietly.

"I'll go with you." Spike volunteers.

Angel glares at him, "No, I'll go."

"No, I-"

"Stop it. If you two really feel the need to baby-sit me, then fine, come along. I'll pull the car around." I say tiredly.

I turn and walk outside. The bright sun takes me by surprise. It's quite uncomfortable. Like a billion little needles pricking my skin. I shudder and then get my car. I go around the back entrance and see Angel and Cordelia arguing. I lean against the steering wheel, amused. Spike gets in back and leans foreword.

"She's mad at him for goin' with ya."

"Terrific." I mumbled.

Spike puts up the curtains around the windows. It gets pretty dark, when you add my heavily tinted windshield. I get irritated when Angel and Cordelia have no intention of calling a truce so I honk the horn, making them both jump.

"Come on!" I bellow out the window.

Cordelia glares at me, "I'm coming with you." She states.

Oh kill me, kill me now!

"The hell you are!" I shot at her, then look at Angel, "You coming or not? This train's a-leaving…right now."

He nods and climbs in, next to Spike. Well, at least Cordelia isn't coming.

Ha. This will be entertaining.


It's been 45 minutes, of nothing except arguing between my both my vampire ex-lovers in the back.

"No! It was NOT in 1836!" Spike hissed.

"Yes it was, Childe." Angel growled.

Oh my God…

I am going to shove the car keys down my throat if they do not stop!

"You stupid pansy ass. God! Think you're right just because you're older." Spike grumbled.

I slammed on the break and they both smashed into the seats. Cars honked and swerved around me.

"What the hell?!"


I let out a slow sigh and rubbed my temples.

"Alright. Here's the deal. I have a pounding headache. I'm tired and I really don't want to talk to my Dad. You won't stop fighting and we're not even halfway there yet. You two zip it for the rest of the ride and I won't kill us all. Got it?"

They both let out an angered grunt.

"I'm taking that as a yes." I sighed and started to drive again.

It gets too silent and I flip on the radio.

"Cry me a river… Oh. Cry me a river…"

The sorrowful words of Justin Timberlake fill the car.

Ok. How about not?

Depressing pop songs not on the agenda.

I switch it and find a decent rock station.


I reach blindly for my sunglasses, finding them on the floor. The car swerves a little, but hey, no big. I rub my temple.

God, this headache.

"How can you listen to this?" Angel asks.

"Hey, just because you like pansies like Mozart and Chopin doesn't mean all other music is bad." Spike snorted.

"These people are just screaming and strumming guitars singing about how bad life is." Angel says.

"Maybe they're right." I sigh.

Spike leans foreword as much as he can without getting in the sun.

"Thought you were rid of those depressing feelings." He asked quietly.

"They creep up on you sometimes." I say quietly.

The rest of the ride is driven in silence.

And then we reach my Dad's house.

I don' know how we're going to get my vamp-y pals inside.

I don't know what I'm going to say.

Did I mention that I don't want to do this?


Part 14

Yeah, I don't want to do this.

I park and turn off the car, and just sit there. Angel and Spike are suspiciously silent and I'm wondering if they've killed each other. We can all dream… No, but really, maybe they did kill each other. I look back and they're both staring at me.


"We can get to the house, if you want us to come with you." Spike offers.

Angel nods in agreement.

I sigh, "Sure, why not? I mean if things get too bad, you could always kill my Dad."

They stared at me.

"Joking." I sighed.

I stepped out of the car and into the direct light. It stung furiously, but I more or less ignored it, watchi

ng the guys sprint to the porch. I walked slowly until Angel reached out, grabbed my arm, and pulled me.

"One of these days, you're going to yank my arm right off." I snapped, then smiled apologetically.

I stepped up to the door and pressed the doorbell. We heard pounding and the door flew open and I was looking into the hazel eyes of my dear little sister.

"Buffy!" She squealed, hugging me then screaming in delight when she saw Spike and Angel.

"What a welcome." Spike chuckled. His eyes went glazed for a moment, but he shook his head harshly and was back to his cocky self.

"Dad home?" I asked, peering into the house.

I saw Jeanine walk by, she smiled faintly at me.

Dawn shook her head, "No. He went to the office last night and didn't come back."

Her eyes held disappointment.

"Doing the workaholic thing again?" I asked, my eyes darkening.

"Of course."

I shook my head, rage towards my Father growing, "I've gotta go see him, so I'll see you later."

Dawn nodded.

"Back in the car, boys." I call with a clap of my hands.

"God damn, your step mom is hot." Spike says.

"She's not my step mom, she's my Dad's girlfriend." I corrected, starting my car and pulling out.

"We're going to your Dad's work?" Angel asked.

"Yep." I said.

"Where does he work?" Spike asked.

"Wolfman and Hart. Some law agency thing." I answered, making a right onto the freeway.

I heard Angel growl low in his throat and I glanced in the rearview mirror. I wasn't surprised that I couldn't see him.

The rest of the ride was silent and I parked right in front of the door.

"Miss, you can't park there." A guard said.

I smirked, putting on my spoiled-Daddy's-little-girl act.

"My Father works here, I can park where ever the hell I want too. And he can also fire whoever I tell him too."

He backed away a few steps at my sharp tone and piercing gaze.

"Let's go." I said to the guys.

We stepped in and we did turned head.

We a threesome we made. Me in my leather pants and Wes's button up shirt over my top, Angel with his flying duster, and Spike…well, he's Spike. Bleach haired, blue eyes… Yeah, we turned heads.


"Two vampires have entered the premises."

"Can we get them on camera?" Hank Summers asked the techie.


The techie typed with lightening speed and the camera focused and three people.

"Ohhh…" An old woman moaned.

"Giselle, are you alright?" Hank asked.

Giselle was a Gypsy seer. She could see into people…and things.

"There is great evil here." She moaned.

"Who?" Hank demanded.

Giselle lifted a withered and to the screen, pointing at the middle person, a girl.


"What about the other two?" Hank asked, his eyes sharp.

"No, they are clean. But she…she reeks of evil. Wicked sin." The old woman moaned.

Hank lowered his head.

"Bring them all up to my office, use force, but DO NOT kill them."

"Yes sir."


We were waiting for the damned elevator to come.

God, this building has too many floors.

"I've never met your father." Angel suddenly says.

"Not a surprise." I muttered, "No one has…I think."

Spike rubbed his forehead, wincing.

"You ok?" I asked.

"Peachy, slayer." He snapped.


Angel met my eyes and he shifted them to something behind me. He didn't want me to turn around so I glanced up at the round mirror in the corner. I saw six burly guards looking all Men-In-Black, coming up to us, their hands tightening on their night stick things. Our eyes met again and mentally we both counted.





I grabbed Angel's shoulders and he boosted me up. I jumped and flipped over the guards heads and behind them.

"Hey sweetie." I sneered in a sickeningly sweet voice.

He growled and lunged at me. I dodged him, but he managed to smack the back of my knee with the stick. I cried out as my legs buckled and I fell to the floor. He grabbed me with large meaty hands and forced me to the wall. I head butted him, hearing his nose crack and feeling his blood drip onto me. I swung him sloppily over my shoulder, sending us both to the ground.

He was heavy!

I chanced a look at my male partners and saw they weren't faring much better. The guard swiped my legs out from under me and I hit the ground, hard, getting the wind knocked out of me, My head smacked the tile with a frighteningly loud crack. Red and black dots exploded in front of my eyes and I felt blood, this time my own, seeping from me onto the floor. It was warm and smelled nauseatingly sweet.

"I'm here…to see my…Father." I gasped out, trying to catch my breath and stay conscious.

"Save it for someone who cares." He sneered in my ear. I flung my fist wildly and heard it connect.


I struggled to get up, waves of dizziness keeping my down. I yelped when he retaliated by punching my in my temple. I could hear Angel yell my name, Spike growling ferociously.

Everything went black.


Later, though I don't know how much, I opened my eyes. I heard voice. Loud screaming voices. I tried to move but found out I was bound to a chair. I moaned and lolled my head around. I felt like I was stuffed with cement, heavy and stiff.

"Buffy?" A voice asked me.

"That'd be a yes…" I mumbled, my voice thick and raspy.

I blinked and knew where I was.

My Father's office.

"Buffy dear." Daddy purred from his desk.

"Bastard, why the hell am I tied to a chair?" I demanded.

"You got violent." He answered.

"Well, it's not like you gave me a warning that Butch and Bruno over there where going to attack us with nightsticks!" I yelled.

Angel, who was sitting next to me, managed to touch his fingers to mine. I looked at him, into his soft brown eyes. He told me to calm down, though in not so many words. Not in any words, actually.

I sighed, angrily.

"Why are we tied up?" Spike asks, his voice laced with murder.

"You two are vampires. How am I supposed to know that you don't pose a threat to my company. As well as my daughter. Buffy, why are you with them. Do you know who they are?"

I opened my mouth the scream at him, but he didn't give me time.

"Angelus, the Scourge of Europe. And William the bloody. They're killers." He said, his eyes dark.

I shook my hair out of my face, "So am I."

That seemed to shock everyone. My Dad paled.

"Damn it…" He muttered.

"What's the matter, Daddy, can't handle the truth?" I purred, my voice mocking.

"Buffy." Angel warned.

"Do you even know what you are? What you are capable of?" My Father demanded.

His voice was so sharp, so pained, I was shocked into silence.

"You don't know. Your Watcher's must be idiots." He said.

"You don't know them!" I yelled.

Dad went on as if I had never spoken, "The evil you will cause, the lives you'll end. You know nothing…"

Suddenly I feel as if I'm suffocating. I can't breath.

Spike starts to chant, "Evil, evil, so much pain…"

He's lost it.

So have I.

"No!" I scream.

I yank at my chains that I'm bound with and they snap with a loud shriek, shooting the broken, jagged steel all over.

"I am NOT evil!" I scream, lunging at my Father,

In this blind haze of rage, I don't see him as my Father., I see him as they very thing I am terrified of.


What I am, what I'm becoming.


The guards run into the room, cocking their guns and pointing them at me.

"No!" Angel yells at them, his voice full of horror.

The room is closing in on me. My Dad pushed me off of him and I see him for what he is. His fanged mouth, his yellowed eyes, gleaming with rage.

I growl and attack him, changing into the demon within me. I have a hold on his throat and I slowly closing his airway. He's doing the same to me. The guards pull my off of him and my fingers tear away, his blood making them crimson. They throw me aside and I slam right into the big tinted glass window over looking the city.

The glass cracks.

Oh God.

The guards see me moving toward him again and they start to shoot. The bullets piece the walls and glass behind me. One hits me square in the chest and I'm thrown backwards into the cracked glass. I see the blood pooling and spilling from me.

Angel screams my name.

My Father gapes in horror.

Spike rocks back and forth covering his face.

Everything seems to go in slow motion. The glass breaks away and digs into my back. The guards shout and yell, my Father scrambling from where he had fallen. Angel snaps his chains and is running toward me.

But, too slowly.

I feel like I'm falling and everything disappears and I see the bright sun and clouds above me. I can feel the wind whipping around me, the clamor of the city below rushing in my ears.




Part 15


It's nothing but darkness for what seems to be a long time. I am nothing, see nothing, hear nothing. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And I want to scream!

Just to fill the deadening silence. I try and nothing comes out. I realize that I'm not real. Or at least solid. But I can feel.


There's pain. A cold rush that fills my ears and makes me feel like my head will explode. I hear raspy whispering. It's telling me something.

It hurts!

My body is being stabbed with a thousand tiny pinpricks of ice, filling me with a cold that is familiar.

Desperation, panic, paranoia, terror. I welcome it. These feelings enter me and creep in, settling in my weary bones. Whatever heat that was left in me disappears and a frozen feeling of deadness is left.

And suddenly I'm falling. The air is whooshing around me, scalding my skin with its slashing sharpness. I open my eyes and see the tower above me. I can see Dawn's tear streaked face looking down at me, her mouth open in a silent scream. Once again I'm falling through the painful portal. It's ripping me to shreds, tearing my skin, scorching my bones.

"NO! THIS ALREADY HAPPENED!" I scream, my voice cracking along with the buzzing static that's filling my ears.

I expect to hit the ground with a jarring force. I hope I do. I want to feel my bones crack. Maybe I'll die this time.

I never hit the ground. It's like I go through the portal and I'm in my Father's office. Everything's in slow motion. Almost like when you hit pause/slow on the VCR, everything's a slow blur. But, it's not really a blur, I see everything. The guards burst into the room, pointing their guns at me. My Father and I trying to kill each other. There's fear in his eyes. Total and utter fear.

It makes me colder.

I'm yanked away from him and thrown against the window. It cracks. Renewed feelings of panic overwhelm me. It's smothering me. I move back and bullets lodge themselves into my flesh. I feel every tear, rip, and slash in my skin. I can smell my own blood, feel it running from me. The glass shatters and breaks behind me, and I'm falling. Stinging sunlight burning me, shards of glass embedding itself in my back. All the blood. The last thing I see before the building rushes by me is Angel. What I am seeing freezes and Angel is wearing a look of shock and horror on his pale face. Determination is set in his dark eyes, he wants, needs, to save me. But he doesn't. He can't. The scene resumes and the windows of the building are rushing by me and the roads below come closer. I open my mouth to scream and I jerk as I sit up and take huge gulps of breath.

"Where the hell am I?!"


I take a deep breath, my heart thumping loudly in my chest. It's very dark and cold. I can see my breath as my chest heaves. My mouth is dry and my throat is parched. I'm laying on something cold and jagged. A stone floor.

I stiffen.

Something is different. I can feel it in the air. It seems charged, the atmosphere buzzing with a strange electric charge. I get up, my bones creaking with weariness. I take a deep breath and look into the darkness. I see nothing of interest. No door. Just four stone walls that seem to close in on me.

Oh God.

I think I'm going insane.

I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe heavily.

I hear a small creak and wait.

I feel a small puff of air brush across my face and I snap my arm out and grab flesh. There's a gagging sound and I open my eyes. A vampire is in front of me, my hand squeezing his throat. His eyes bulge and I keep clutching until I draw blood.

And still I keep going.

I put all my confusion, anger, and pain into this. And, eventually he crumbles into dust. I'm surprised by this surge of new power and strength I have in me. It's coursing through my veins with an amazing strength, I can feel every drop.

I love it.

I walk towards the wall and bend my hands back, palms frontward. I snap them forward, so hard it makes my hands feel like they're exploding. The wall smashed with a loud-BOOM!

After the dust and soot settles down, I see a room, full of…demons. They're all looking at me with wide eyes. I slowly look around, meeting all eyes, my stance guarded, and my bleeding fists curled.

I don't know where I am. I don't know how I got here. I don't know why I feel like this; lost, empty, stronger, and lifeless. I don't know if I'm alive…or if this is hell…

But, I can assure you all one thing, I WILL find out.


Everyone is sitting around the table in the Magic Shop. Everyone is quiet.

There's nothing to say.

Angel sat farthest from the group, his eyes locked on the corner of the table. The same scene kept replaying in his head.

Buffy getting shot.

Buffy falling 22 stories to the hard ground.

Buffy's limp body cracking and breaking.

The fight that had been going on had frozen after the windows had given way. It had taken them all a moment, but Hank, Angel, and the guards had run downstairs frantically.

Only to find no trace of her. No blood, no sign that she had even fallen.

Hank was there. He had refused to just sit on his ass and pretend nothing had happened. He had watched his daughter fall to what should have been her death. He sat next to his younger daughter who had yelled and screamed to come along when he stopped home. She was shocked to hear of what had happened. Her sister may be dead, again.

Xander and Giles were pissed off as hell. Xander blamed Angel and Spike.

They should have protected her. They should have stopped her. Helped her.

Spike had regressed into his mind again. All that came out of his mouth were insane rambles and stifled sobs.

Angel knew he was hiding. From the pain, grief, and heartache. He knew because every time they met eyes, Angel could see that they were both thinking the same thing. Sharing the same thought, same feeling. They had come with her for a reason.

And that reason…they had failed. They were supposed to have protected her, and they didn't.

They lost her.

Maybe forever.


I stared each and every demon in my sight down. They tried to beat my glare but ended up flinching. I flicked my long hair over my shoulder in an almost menacingly way.

"Where am I?" I demanded.

No one answered at first.

"I'm going to ask again, and if I don't get an answer, I will make you so very sorry." I threatened, clenching my fists into tiny mallets.

"You are safe." One said.

I rolled my eyes, "And was that the question?" I asked sarcastically, "No. Where the hell am I?!" I screamed.

"You are still in Los Angeles, girl." A raspy voice said.

I looked over to my side and saw an old women standing there. She was *old*. Her hair was gray and black, her eyes squinted and dark.

"Good to know, where exactly?" I ask.

"An underground liar. Not far from your Father's house." The women answers.


Question answered.

I unclench my hands and they feel sticky. I look down and they're smeared with blood. The vampire I killed. The blood smells bitter, not sweet like living blood does. I gag at my thoughts.

"It's ok, child, these thoughts are the beginning." The old women said.

I blinked.

"The beginning of what?" I asked.

She changed and was no longer the old women, but two things. A male and female, beautiful red and golden colors decorating their bodies, a black toga around them. Their eyes were red with a yellow tint.

"Of your transformation." The female answered.

"Transformation?" I asked incredulously, "What am I turning into, huh, a frog?" I mock.

They glare at me, "No. Not 'what' you are turning into. 'Who' you are turning into."

I purse my lips, "Ok, fine. Then 'who', daresay, am I going to change into?"

"The leader of evil's side of The End of Days." The male answers.

I am silent for a moment. I don't know what to say. Evil's side? But…I can't. I'm good. I'm the Slayer.

You are not, a small sneering little voice hisses, you never were. The Slayer in you died that night with the Master. They all lied to you for six years. Six years you've been in the dark, been a lie. A freak.

"Evil…" I whisper.

"Yes." The woman jumps at my hesitation, "Yes. This is where you belong. Where you will never have to bear the responsibility of other lives again. Here, you will be the ruler. Never having to live by prophecy or human word again."

It sounds so tempting. So free.

I want it.

"Why risk your life day after day to save lives of ungrateful fools? No thanks, no gratitude, those fools you call friends only make you save them. They never help. Only make you clean up their messes!"

They're right!

Willow, Xander…all of them, they never did help me! Everything was always messed up! They never understood me! Always blamed me when I did something a little selfish. Like when I ran away to LA. They would NEVER understand how bad I was hurting! And THEY blamed ME for what I had to do to save the stupid world!

And Xander, he could have told me that Willow was going to try and save Angel, but no! He had to lie! Oh, I could have killed him. I wanted too, the fool! Did he think I didn't know? That I would never have found out?

I did.

"How?" I ask, my breath catching.

"You're true side, which also claims your Father, is only showing minimal changes. You're still very much human. We'll have to strip you of any conscious, any…soul to make the transformation true." The female says, her eyes glimmering.

I nod slowly.

I want this.

I need this.

I will become, grow, change and fit into what is truly my destiny.

"Yes, I'll do it." I hear myself saying.

And right then and there I realize what is really going on.

They're changing me, making me like them.

Making me evil.

I want to scream no and plead and fight until I'm back in my world, city, town, with my friends.

But, it's too late.

Isn't it always?

There's pain. Tremendous, scalding pain. It's as if I'm burning from the inside out. I fall to my knees and clutch my chest. Hot tears run down my face. I'm surrounded by a bright light, a light which Is taking me away. The fire inside moved throughout my body and I screamed. It was the last thing I was aware of blind pain made me blackout.

For awhile.

And whatever is going to happen next is anyone's guess.


Part 16

I awaken long after, but I don't open my eyes. I just lay where I am, soaking everything up. I feel different. Not like, 'oh, I'm tired' different. More like something's missing and I don't feel like myself anymore' different. I feel empty. There's nothing there. Nothing except the demon.

But, I guess I can't really call it 'the demon; anymore.

It's part of me.

It *is* me.

Then, I realize what's missing.

My conscious. My *soul* There's nothing in my mind restricting me.

Nothing at all.

I *love* it!

I sit up and open my eyes. I'm not in that dark, swanky cave anymore. I'm at my home. No bruises, no bullet wounds. I'm perfectly fine.

"That's right. We healed you after you fell unconscious. Took away the wounds and cuts on your body."

I look up. In the corner of my room, those two red and golden seer people are there. I know why they look so familiar now. They're like the Oracles. Only, you know, eviler.

They scowl.

"We are nothing like them They work for the higher beings, The Powers That Be." The male answers.

"Stay out of my head!" I snap.

"As you wish." They murmur.

I smirk, realizing that I'm the boss now. I'm in charge. No more, 'Buffy, go slay this' or 'Buffy, go save the world'.

No, we're playing by my own rules now.

"You need to go to your…'friends'. They are at that shop. They're all so *worried* about you." The woman mocks.

I smirk, "Of course they are. I'm Buffy, the superhero. Without me, they're as good as dead."

The male scowls, "You need to be careful. You need to act as you always were, vigilant and cautious. The two vampires, will be especially perceptive as will your Father."

"Of course I'll be careful, you moron. You think I'll go and ruin everything because I want to brag."

"Yes." The male answers.

I laugh, "You're right. But, for now, I'll play nice."

"Good. You'll be able to have your fun soon. Think of what a shock it will be to them."

I purse my lips, "I can't wait to see how they react that their precious Buffy is batting for the other team."

I can hardly wait.


I'm in the parking lot of the Magic Shop. I can see them all inside. I almost feel bad at how distraught they all look.


I sigh and lean back for a moment. I feel a little drained. Which, is to be expected. They just sucked my soul out of me, that can be a bit tiring.

Oh, but how good it feels to be free!

I gaze into the mirror at myself. I look different, yet the same. My face is the almost the same. Lips are a bit redder, my cheeks are a bit paler. But, my eyes. They're darker, and almost empty. Just like Angelus' were. Oh what fun it would be to bring him out to play.

I'll make a note to do that, put it on my 'to-do' list.

I get out of the car and gaze down at myself briefly. There are blood stains all over me.

Not mine, of course, but that vampire that I killed.

There are some minor bruises and cuts the seers left to make it look like I had been kidnapped and tortured. From what they told me, I've been gone for 5 days. Apparently, wherever the hell I was, time moves slower while it moves faster up here.

I put on a good show of limping into the shop and standing tiredly in the doorway.

To say everyone looked surprised to see me would be a serious understatement. They were all shocked. Stunned, flabbergasted.

I love that word.

Gasp, sob, tear, and gasp again.

I put a small smile of greeting on my face, though inside I was laughing hysterically at them all for being such idiots.

"Hey guys."


"Hey guys." I said softly.

"Oh my god!" Dawn screamed, throwing her arms around me.

I winced.

Damn it, that really hurt! God, I put snap her pretty little neck for that! I want too. But, no fun for me. I squint my eyes and play bravado Buffy.

"Are you hurt?" She gasps.

I shake my head, "I'll be fine."

"Where have you been?" My Father demands coming up to me.

The fire inside me burns with rage. He did this to me. All because he had to work late and have some fucking vampire bite him.

"Like you care." I snap, "As I recall, wasn't it your guards that *shot* me?" I sneered.

He backs up like he can't believe what he's seeing.


I'm letting too much anger show.

I sigh, "Sorry. Getting tortured makes you a bit cranky." I murmured.

"Good Lord, tortured?" Giles gasps.

Good ole Geeves.

"Yeah. Can I sit down now?" I ask my sister and she pulls away from me sheepishly.

"How are you alive?" Angel asks quietly.

I look at him and I make the mistake of making direct eye contact. My insides flutter because it seems like he's staring into me and seeing what I am.

That's crazy. He's no superhero. A souled vamp, yeah, but he doesn't have telepathy or whatever.

I look down, "I'm fine thanks." I murmur.

"Buffy, where were you?" This time it's Willow, who looks like she going to cry.

Oh man, just stuff it already!

"I was in a demon dimension." I answer quietly, not meeting any gazes, make them think I'm ashamed

"I fell out of the building, and it was like everything stopped. It felt like I was falling forever. Then, I guess someone opened a portal or something and I went right through it. It hurt, so much. Much worse than Glory's portal."

I paused, the tension was thick, and everyone was anticipating what I was to say next. Let the drama begin.

"I guess I blacked out because when I woke up, I was chained down. These demons, kind of like the First…" I trailed off and shook my head, "I don't really remember… It hurt though. They did things…" I shook my head again.

"Why did they take you?" Angel asks.

Damn it!

He doesn't believe me.

"I don't know!" I yell, standing up and pacing, "I didn't really ask when I was being tortured. Couldn't quite find a good enough time. Hmm, maybe it should have been before the knives and after the fire!" I snap.

"Buffy, how did you get out?" Wesley asks.

Good old Wesley. I'll spare him when the battle comes, he believed me, always did.

"I killed them, and it all disappeared and I was right where I should have landed."

Willow looked sick, "You killed them?"

"It was me or them." I answered, my voice devoid of emotion.

"You didn't save one and even ask them why they took you? Get answers?" Xander asked.

"Oh God! I knew it would come down to this! Why can't you just leave things be? Would you rather me dead? Because that's what would have happened if I had let them, even one, live, you know that, so don't ask stupid questions about things you know nothing about." I sneer.

"Then, let me ask. I've been to a hell dimension for a couple hundred years. It's almost impossible to get free, let alone escape. So how, pray tell, did you do it?" Angel asks, his voice cocky but his eyes hard and cold.

"I don't give up, like some people. You play their game long enough then it's your turn. They hurt you, you hurt them back. You let them have their fun, then it's my turn. Revenge is sweet and payback's a bitch." I say very softly, though my voice is hard. Tears of fury and hurt pool in my eyes.

I hate them.

All of them.

Spike looks up at me for the first time. His eyes are searching mine. He's looking for something and is obviously not finding it. His eyes darken. Though he is acting like he's insane, he's not. He knows.


"Do you know what they wanted?" Giles asked me.

He believes me.


All is not screwed up.

"Yeah. I actually do. You remember evil roommate Kathy? Well, they wanted to suck out my soul, kind of like her. Something about power."

Angel looks at me intently, "There's blood on you."

I look at my hands, "What of it?"

"It's not yours." He says.

"So, it's the demons." I answer, looking at my hand.

A shiver goes through me, then a pang of hunger.

"I should go wash it off…" I murmur and walk slowly to the back room.

I hear them start to talk about me.

"Something's wrong."

"Don't believe her."


I turn on the cold water and stick my hands under it.

Someone grabs me and I'm pushed against the wall, my hands pinned at the wrists high above me. I growl angrily, being broken from the trance I was in. My eyes flash and I hiss at my attacker.

It's Spike.

"What happened to you!" He demands harshly, changing into the demon.

I smirk and growl at him seductively, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Buffy, tell me!" He hisses.

I shake back my hair and bare my neck, his eyes travel down, and lock on the throbbing vein.

"You know you want too." I whisper.

"Buffy." He grits out.

I grin, knowing he can't resist any longer. He's weak. He wants what he can't have. I lick my lips, "What do you want?"

"Tell me." He says again. This time lacking resolve.

"You wanna know what happened, I found myself. Found who I really am and baby, it's a blast."

He lets go of me, his eyes disbelieving.

I love mind games.

"No." He murmurs.

I smirk, "Oh yeah."

I move towards him, my hands snaking around his waist.

And then the door opens.

Uh oh. The jealous ex.



"What the hell is going on here!" Angel demands.

I drop my hands and shrug, "I was bored."

He rubs his forehead and sighs, "Buffy, what the hell is wrong with you?"


Angel glares at Spike, "What did you do to her?"

"Oh shut up!" I snap, "Like he did anything. I jumped him. Ok, you happy?"

"What…?" He shakes his head, "Forget it. Ok, don't even want to fucking know anymore. I don't know who you are anymore."

"'Anymore? You never knew who I was! So, don't even try laying the guilt trip on me, 'cause it's not going to work. I don't care if you don't believe me. I don't. But, when the time comes, you'll wish you had." I sneer.

I reach my hand up and trail it down his cheeks and down his lips as I walk away.

If only he knew…


Part 17

I walk right out of the Magic Shop, without word to anyone. And they just let me leave. I go straight to my apartment and start to shove things into my duffel.

"What the hell are you doing?" A voice asks.

I turn around sharply and see Angel behind me.

"What does it look like?" I ask, opening my drawer and shoving more of my things into it.

"You're leaving." He says.

"And, give the man a prize!" I cry sarcastically.

"Why?" He demands, grabbing my arm.

"Why not?" I retort.

"You were lying. You weren't kidnapped, you weren't tortured." He spits out at me.

I freeze and look at him menacingly.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I sneer.

"Oh? I think I do. If you would have been in a demon dimension, you would have their scent on you. You don't." Angel points put, taking a step closer to me with each word he says until I'm back against a wall, him looking down at me with hazy eyes.

I look him up and down, a smile forming on my lips.

"A scent, you say?" I purr, running my hands up and down his chest.

He stiffens, but I know he's reacting to my touch, he can't resist me.

He wants me.

He always will.

I shake my hair off of my shoulder, baring my neck in the process. He eyes travel down and lock on the scar he gave me. His eyes darken and he wets his lips.

"Maybe I *do* smell like them. Maybe you need to get closer…" I smirk, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me, his lips resting on the throbbing vein, "To be accurate, of course." I whisper in his ear.

I can feel him change against my skin. He's fighting with his demon, trying to rebel against what he really wants. I pull myself against him tightly.

"Take what you want!" I demand softly.

His whole body stiffens and he pushes me against the wall with such a force that I think I black out for a moment.

When my eyes flutter open, he's staring straight at me, his eyes hard. He traps my wrists high above me, and presses his lips against mine roughly, with bruising force. I moan and completely melt against him. He pulls away and his razor sharp teeth rip my lips. I taste the blood and vamp out. We glare at each other, heaving harshly.

"Why?" Angel demands, his voice a loud growl.

"Why what?" I snap back, trying to catch my breath.

"Why, WHY are you changing!" He yells.

"I'm not." Is all I say.

"You are!" He yells, "Ever since you came back, you've been slowly changing, but this…this is different. You're not you." He ends in a whisper.

"Of course I'm me, no one else could get you as worked up as I do." I purr, trailing my hands further down.

He flinches and grabs my hands again.

"So you're gonna be rough this time." I taunt, my eyes blazing.

His growl turns into a roar and he slams me up against the wall again.

I laugh.

Oh, how much fun this is.

"This isn't you!" He yells, then turns deadly silent, "I'll find a way to get you back. Back to the way you were."

I just stare at him.

"Good luck. Whoever I was is dead. Gone to the point of no return!" I cry dramatically.

He glares at me for one long moment and I swear to God he looks like he wants to kill me. I think he might. But, no. He turns and is out the door faster than I've ever seen him walk.

But, he'll be back.

Oh yeah.

He'll be back.


I lay low the next couple days. I have too; at least that's what the seers say. So, I go to school and play college girl. I see Brett again. I laugh inwardly. Finally, someone to play with. I saunter over to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

"Hey." I purr.

He smiles and rests his hands on my waist, "Hey. You feeling better?" He asks.

I eye him, "What?"

"You said you went feeling good at the Bronze, then you haven't been here for awhile. You were sick, right?"

I smile, "Yeah. Bad sickness. Flu or something like that. But," I eye him up and down, "I'm feeling better now."

He smirks and leans down to kiss me. I deepen it, adding tongue and he seems surprised, but no complaints coming from him.

None at all…

I decide to have a little fun. I make a show of ravishing him and start to trial my hands lower. He moans in anticipation. I'm just about go lower when I pull away.

"Wh-what?" He stutters when I begin to gather my books.

"Time for class." I smirk.

He stands there, his mouth opening and closing, but no words come out. His face turns red and he starts to sputter at me.

I give an innocent smile and start to walk away.

"Don't wanna be late!" I throw over my shoulder.

He's still red and shocked when he runs into class. He gives me a questioning look, but I ignore him and dutifully take notes. With my collage-girl face on, I ignore him. It's quite amusing. He tries to get my attention, but it doesn't work. He gets thoroughly pissed off.


My bad.

By the end of class, however, it's gotten a little more than annoying and I snap at him.

"What do you want?"

His eyes are surprisingly dark, with anger.

"We need to talk."

I shrug nonchalantly and he leads me to a small janitor closet. I eye him in the darkness and then look around.

"It's kind of kinky if you just wanna talk…" I say suggestively.

He pushes me into the wall forcefully and pins my hands to my side.

"I know what you are."


Ok, what?

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask him.

"Don't play coy." He demands, "I know what the hell you are! Well, what and *who* you are."

"I should think you know who I am, it'd be a bit insulting, if you ask me." I murmur.

His glare darkens, and I find myself wondering, just who…or what he is. I don't sense anything on him…or smell if you wanna be crude.

"No one asked you." He snaps, "I've been waiting for you."

"Great, care to elaborate?" I roll my eyes.

His grasp on my wrists tightens.

"You. You aren't human. Not really, not anymore. I can't smell it on you anymore." He murmured lowering his face to my neck and giving a quick sniff.

"God, what is *with* you people and scent?" I explode.

He glares at me for a moment, then goes on, "I am like you. Not quite human, but not demonic either, no soul."

"Um, see…that's where you're wrong. Then we're NOT alike. I, am, very much demonic." I mock him.

"No, you aren't. You have a demon in you, and no soul, but you aren't full vampire. That's what makes us different from them. They are full blooded demon, and are very strong. We, you and I, are enough human to keep us alive and enough demon to make us stronger than any humans, any humans."

"Are you done? You may be strong, but, I can guarantee that I'm stronger."

"We are equals." He interrupts.

"No, no, no. My dear boy, we're not equals, we'll *never* be equals. You see, I'm part Slayer, human, and human. Oh yeah baby, I'm much stronger than you." I purr.

"Slayer, huh? I thought they were good?" He asks.

"Why be a goody-goody when it's so much fun being bad?" I ask innocently.

"You're right." He thinks for a moment, "But I still think we're equal in power. I'm sure of it." He says.

"And, why would that be?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"My Father was a Master Vampire." He answers, his voice edged with hate.

"But humans and vampires can't-"

He cuts me off, "Yes they can. Anything's possible, the kid from your ex and his sire's proof of that."

My gaze darkens and I feel rage flow in my blood.

I hate Angel for what he did, for Connor.

Then, I think.


I remember when I met him, there was a certain something about him. He wasn't all there, like, he wasn't exactly one of the good guys, and he's still young. Very impressionable.

I think he and I should have a little talk…

"Get off me." I say, pushing Brett away.

"Where are you going?" He demands.

Oh no. He did not just act all possessive.

"Just because you and I on the same page with the whole no-soul thing *does not* mean that you are gonna start to control me and act all caveman like, got it?" I ask angrily and push my way out.

Time to take a little trip to the glorious City of Angels.


I take my time getting there, thinking over exactly what I'm going to do. I mean, what else would make Angel hurt as much as he had hurt the soul-carrying me than taking his son to the other side? I hate him for what he made me feel. How he reduced me to mush with a single look. I hate how I'm still affected by him.


I shake my head and focus on getting to that damn hotel. I pull up and get out. Walking in I see that brown haired girl with the boy's name… Damn, what's her name? I have no idea, but obviously, she knows me…

"Hi there!" She smiles this big-peppy smile that makes me want to puke.

"Um, hey." I say, waving a little bit.

"Buffy, right? Angel's not here… I though he was in Sunnydale with you." She asks.

"Not, with me!" I snap, then see the hurt look on her face and feel like I just shot someone's puppy.


But, not really, because I still like puppies…

And I call myself evil.

"Sorry. Um, he didn't call?" I ask, looking confused, "He wanted me to come and pick up Connor." I lie.

"Oh. Um, why?" She asks.

"Well, more firepower. Besides, he'd feel better if Connor was closer to him. I guess it's the parent in him… So where is he?" I ask.

"Oh, he upstairs. Probably on the roof." She answers.

"Great, thanks. You're the best." I say smiling a big fake preppy smile.

I race up the stairs and find him staring out into the darkened city.

"You're different." He says as I approach."

"Aren't we all?" I ask.

"You're not you anymore." He says looking at me, his dark eyes gleaming, reminding me of Angelus, "What do you want?"

"How do you feel about Daddy-dearest?" I ask, coming closer.

He meets my gaze in a full stare that neither of us breaks, "I think he's evil." He finally answers.

"How would you like to beat him? Show him how much stronger you are?" I ask.

"I hate my Father. I hate what he is." He says.

"Then you hate what I am." I say.

"No, he should be dead. You, you are meant to be this. To destroy the world." He says.

"I'm flattered. How would you like to join me?" I ask.

"It would be my pleasure…" He smiles, and it's not a happy smile. No.

It's a smile of hate, anger, and pleasure.

It's the smile of a killer.

"Welcome aboard then." I smile and hold out my hand.

He shakes it.

And so the fun begins…


Part 18

And, she's gone again. No one knows where she is. She could be dead for all they know…but Angel and Spike doubted it. They, though they didn't know they weren't the only ones, were in Los Angeles. They were on the twenty-second floor of Wolfman and Hart. Giles, Wesley, Hank, Angel, Spike, and Willow were the only ones that had come, the rest had stayed home.

"What exactly are we doing, mates?" Spike asked, puffing on a cigarette.

Giles sighed and rubbed his glasses with a handkerchief, "We need Willow to do a power spell."

Willow looked up, alarmed, "A-are you sure? I mean, what about the magic? Giles?" She asked almost impatiently.

"I-it's alright Willow. It shouldn't be that hard and it shouldn't take too much out of you." Wesley murmured.

"That's not what I meant…" Willow said, her eyes shadowed.

"It will be alright Willow. If anything goes wrong… It won't." Giles said firmly.

Angel and Wesley had no idea what was going on, but Spike did. He put a hand on Willow shoulder and said, "Come on, Red, wasn't your fault. You can do this."

She nodded slowly and walked to the broken window slowly.

"What exactly am I searching for?" She asked, her voice already thick and sounding like multiple beings were talking though her.

"I want you to find out if and how much power was used in this relevant area." Hank interrupted.

Willow started to chant, her voice growing louder and louder. The ends of her hair tipped black for a moment. Spike and Giles exchanged a look.

Her voice died away and he slumped slightly, "Here, there was some power, but nothing that would open a portal."

Hank's gazed darkened, then he slammed his palm on his desk, "Damn it!"

Angel looked at him.

Hank met his gaze.

"I knew this would happen, I knew it! I wanted to save her from this, from this life. I thought her Mother taking her out of LA would do it."

"And…you didn't know that Sunnydale was on the hellmouth?" Angel asked skeptically.

"Not at first, then I moved up. I became one of the Senior Partners…*then* I knew." Hank said, shaking his head.

Angel's expression darkened, he *hated* anyone working within Wolfman and Hart with a burning passion. But…this was Buffy's father. He could help them, he could help her. So, he would have to hold in his anger.

"There's more…" Willow said softly.

Instantly the attention was on her.

"The power I felt…it was evil. Not, evil like they wanted to hurt her… But evil like they wanted to save her, they needed her. It was strong."

Everyone was quit. What was there to say? Nothing. Because, right that moment, it hit everyone in that room. Something was definitely wrong. Things were happening, and no one knew exactly what was going on. No one except…



For once in my life, everything is going according to plan. I've got my army, my advisors, and my second in commands, so to speak, I've got everything. For once, everything is working my way.

And I love it!

"So when does it all go down?" I ask the seers.

They look at me, their eyes devoid of any real emotion.

"The next eclipse." The women answers.

"And that would be…" I ask waving my hand.

"Three weeks."

"Terrific." I smirk.

"We need more men." Brett says.

I glare at him, same we may be, but he's getting annoying as hell.

"We've got enough. The white hat's? They've only got so many. Maybe 20 men. We've gotten a helluva lot more than that." I say.

"What about that Slayer?" Connor asks.

I like Connor.

He's got a straight head on his shoulders. He knows what he wants and he intends to get it. But, back to his question.

"What Slayer?" I ask, looking at him.

"That Slayer. My Father…Angelus used to visit her in the prison." Connor said.

"Oh. Faith." I say.

And, I think. She could be useful to us. But, she was so remorseful when I last saw her. You know, *after* she stole my body and seduced my boyfriend and made him think I was a wild, kinky whore.

Oh, I'm not bitter.

But, I think she's batting for the white hats now…

"Tell me about my Father." Connor then says.

"What?" I ask, surprised.

"You loved him. Tell me about him." He says in that blank voice.

"I did love him. My soul did. He made me feel special. It didn't matter that we were mortal enemies. A vampire and a Slayer, I mean, who would've thought?" My voice goes from empty to anger as I speak.

"I hated what he made me into. A swoony little schoolgirl. I mean, that's all I really was to him." I pause and look at Connor seriously, "Your Father isn't the remorseful saint he makes himself out to be. When I died, the first time, he wouldn't come to help at first. It took one of my friends to persuade him to come." I shake my head, so full of emotion.

I don't know what to say anymore. So, I simply shrug, "I loved him and he left me for *a better life*. This is the life he left me too. Hope he's happy." I smirk.

Connor chuckles a little, "He won't be. It will crush him and I want to be there when he breaks."

I looked at the kid, "Me too."

"You will be. You are the essence of his pitiful existence. He tried to fool himself into falling in love with Cordelia."

Stupid bitch. She'll pay too. They all will.

I walk slower, my stomach is starting to ramp. I feel a deep ache, like it's settled in my bones and muscles. I wonder what's going on, but don't really dwell on it.

It's probably nothing. I mean, what can it be?

Connor and I hit a hotdog stand. I slather mustard on it. I'm not partial to ketchup. I'm a mustard girl. But, it doesn't make me feel better.

Something's wrong.

I start to feel dizzy and my breathing becomes heavy. I can hear my heart pounding in my head. It's like 500 jackhammers splitting my head open.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" Conner asks me, genuinely concerned.

"I-I don't fucking know…" I gasp.

The whole damn world spins out of control. My vision swarms and all the colors meld together like some sick kaleidoscope. I'm pretty sure I stumble over something, because I go flying foreword, right into the street. Connor yells something, but I'm too messed to know really. I feel strong hands grab me and I look up. Connor is leading me somewhere. Feeling like I'm about to spew my insides out, I cling to him as he leads me someplace. We stop in a dark alleyway.

"Stay here." He says.

I weakly nod and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. My stomach tightens into a tiny ball and I slump to the ground, my knees pulled up to my chest. It feels like a long time before Connor comes back, with Brett in tow. There's someone else with them.


"Get up." Brett says.

I growl at him, but do so.

He shoves a whimpering girl in my face. She's crying, her sobs tearing through the air. There's fear radiating from her, crashing over me like waves of sorrow. I look questioningly at Brett.

He says one word.


I know those words. I remember those words.



"Drink me."


I'm transported through the years and slammed back then. I remember every intimate detail. I remember his fangs sinking into my smooth flesh. I remember feeling like he was sucking the life out of me.

I wanted it.

I loved it.

And, I still crave it.

I remember how much it hurt. How we lost our balance and crashed onto the floor in a messy heap. How he was pressed on top of me, losing control, taking me.

I take a shaky breath. I push those thoughts away and focus my gaze on the girl. Her pulse is racing, I can see the vein throbbing just under the skin. I vamp out, my internal hunger taking over. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Connor turn away.

Poor kid.

I lean in, my mouth almost drooling with desire.

Everything goes in slow motion. My teeth prick her skin, then I sink in. She groans in pain. The thick liquid flows into my mouth. I moan in satisfaction. It's sweet, tangy, salty, and sour. I keep drinking and I can feel her fading away, dying. She grows slack and limp and I finally pull away. I can feel the blood dripping down my lips and down my chin. I feel so much stronger. Her blood pumps through my veins. Brett smirks as he comes closer.

"Feel better?" He asks, nipping my blood stained lips.

"Much." I murmur.

He licks and laps the blood off my face.

"Can't let yourself get weak. Gotta be strong for what's to come." Brett murmurs.

I look up at my with my golden eyes.

"And what's that?" I ask.

"The end."


Willow was still feeling the effects of what she did. Her eyes had not yet cleared and held a hint of black. Her hair was still tipped black. Earlier, she had developed black veins on her arms, but they had vanished.

"What else can I do?" She asked.

'Nothing. That's enough for now, Willow. We don't want to overdo it." Giles said softly.

She nodded.

"No, we still need more. We need to know what else is going on. Willow, I need you to tap into the magic's and find my daughter." Hank said.

"She will do no such thing." Giles interrupted harshly.

"Why not? What she did was incredible. Better than any of the Wiccans I've had work for me." Hank said, his tone rough.

"You want to know why?" Giles tempted, "Fine. Making…letting her do anymore is like handing a reformed junkie a couple bags of pot and saying 'have it at'. You don't understand, you wouldn't." Giles said, his accent think with covered anger.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hank asked low in his throat.

"It means, Mr. Summers, that for years, you sat here on your twenty-story-window-view high horse of yours while your family suffers. I know for a bloody fact that you saw Buffy and Dawn a whole three times in the six years they've lived in Sunnydale Do you know why I know? I'll tell you. Buffy would come to me every time she saw you and tell me what an ass you were. You were never there for her. Or Dawn. Or even Joyce for that matter! Where were you when Joyce was having surgery? Or, when Buffy was in the hospital with a deathly cold? Or when Dawn was being hunted by a demonic goddess? Where were you when Dawn and Buffy learned that their Mother could die? Where were you when your daughter found her Mother dead in their living room? Answer, you weren't there. You didn't even come to Joyce's bloody funeral! Your ex-wife! The Mother of your children. So, don't possessively refer to Buffy as *your* daughter. Don't tell this child, this girl whom you have no idea who she is to use more magic. You don't have that right. You'll never have that right." Giles said, fuming when he was done.

Willow, Angel, and Wesley were watching quietly at this exchange.

"And you think you have the right?" Hank asked darkly. Then he was silent for a moment, "You loved Joyce. You think of my daughter's as yours. What gives you that right?" He asked quietly.

"I was there when you weren't. I saw the tears, the blood, the boyfriends," a glance at Angel, "I saw the pain. I was there for the surgery, for the coroner, the funeral, the *many* funerals. I was there when Buffy was wanted for murder. Do you know she ran away? She was in LA the whole time." Giles said.

"I was never told." Hank said.

"And what could would it have done? You didn't know what was going on. You couldn't have helped."

"She's my daughter!" Hank exploded, his eyes flashing golden, "I saw her born, I held her when she cried! You don't think I've suffered, knowing what she was? I could never tell her! She would have hated me."

"She does hate you." This time Angel stepped in, "If there's one thing you should know about Buffy, it's that trust and truth is most important to her. You lied to her about what's inside of her. And, look where it led? Is this what you wanted for her? A life of evil? You could have saved her from this. From the dark. But, you didn't. And, now she wants to kill us all." Angel finished with a sad chuckle.

Hank looked defeated, his head hung, "I never wanted this for her. I thought I was saving her, but what you don't know is that you can't change destiny. You can avoid it, but it'll always come back and kick you right in the ass."

He started to walk out, his shoulders slumped, then turned around slowly, "Believe me… I know."


Part 19

They were back in Sunnydale. Things were steadily growing worse. The demon population in Sunnydale had all but disappeared. Something was going on. They had gone somewhere, either scared or they were needed. Something was going to happen, and soon. Angel had a thought on what to do, they needed more fire power. Now that Buffy was evil, two words that should *never* be in the same sentence; Buffy and evil, there was no telling what she would do. The major problem was, she knew what would hit them the hardest, who had the most power, and she'd only averted a half dozen apocalypses so she was bound to know their secrets and strengths.

"What are we going to do?" Willow asked.

She was still considerably weak from the spell. Magic was a strain on her, Angel didn't know if she would be enough help this time.

"I have an idea, one you probably won't like." Angel said slowly.

"What…?" Giles asked suspiciously.

"Well, we need fighters. Plain and simple. Whatever Buffy's planning won't be pretty. Now, just listen to me. What I'm about to say, you'll all object too, but we need her." Angel said.

"Her?" Xander asked.

"Yes, her. I think we should get Faith out of jail. She's a Slayer, *the* Slayer. We need help and, she's different than the last time you saw her. She's changed." Angel said.

Everyone was quiet, a skeptical look on their faces.

"That might work…" Giles murmured.

"Can we trust her?" Xander asked slowly, his eyes small.

"We can." Angel answered.

"Are you sure?" Wesley asked, earning a hard stare from Angel.

They were barely on speaking terms.

"I'm sure." Angel said in a hard voice.

"Good." Wesley smirked.

"Now children…if you can't play nice, there'll be no averting the apocalypse for you." Spike murmured, taking a slow drag.

Willow chuckled softly.

"This is serious. We have no idea what Buffy is planning. I mean, she was always Little Miss Slay Gal, you know, the planner. Now, she's the one after us. Who knows who she'll kill first." Cordelia sighed.

"It'll probably be you, smart one." Anya mumbled.

"What?" Cordelia snapped.

"You heard me. You come down here, all 'holier-than-thou' parading around how high-power-ish you are, and how you've got Angel. I'm mean, that's great and all…well, not really, but you brag to an emotionally unstable Slayer…you're asking for a death wish." Anya said, busily counting and re-counting the money.

"Shut up." Cordelia pouts, her eyes dark.

"So, what are we going to do?" Willow asks again, her head in her hands.

"Can't we just use the Orb of Thesula? Y'know? Like we did with Angel and just give her, her soul back?" Dawn asks her eyes naively wide.

Willow shakes her head, "We can't. What Buffy is, right now, it's a whole different thing. Angel was just a demon in a shell, his body dead, no offense." Willow amended.

Angel shook his head, "None taken."

"Buffy, she's…well, different."

"A freak, you mean." Cordelia said.

Willow glared at her, "If you want to be crude, then yes, she's a freak. There's probably nothing else like her."

"Gee, a girl should wonder if that's compliment worthy or if it's an insult, what do ya think?"

Everyone turned to the door and visibly tensed.

It shouldn't have been a surprise. They all knew that this'd come sooner or later. Leaning against the doorframe, was none other than…Buffy.


I know, it's stupid of me to do this. But, I can't help myself. We returned to Sunnydale, only so I could get a change of clothes, but we drove but past the magic shop, and I saw them. All sitting together, planning how to stop me.

As if they *could* stop me.

So, I get out of the car, my buddy Brett in tow. I walked in and the idiots didn't even notice me until I said something.

"Gee, a girl should wonder if that's compliment worthy or if it's an insult, what do ya think?"

They all turned at the same time. I couldn't help but to laugh.

"Don't worry. I won't kill you guys… Not yet at least." I say.

Angel's glaring fiercely at me.

"Hello lover." I smirk.

Brett growls softly and wraps his hand around my leather-clad waist.

"What are you doing here?" Xander asks, his eyes hard.

"What's the matter, Xand? It's me, Buffy." I say with a small pout.

"You're not Buffy. You just a lowly demon in her body." He retorts, his fists clenching.

Lightening fast, I have him pinned to the wall by his neck.

He gazes down at me, his eyes hard.

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? That perfect-little-Buffy is in there somewhere. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but she's not home right now. Probably in hell. Or, maybe even heaven, if, you haven't ripped her out of there already." I snarl.

"We needed you." He whispers.

"Of course you did." I say, my eyes flashing.

He notices our close proximity and stiffens. I'm just a breath away so I decide to tease him. Show him what he wanted and never could have. I crush my lips against his with bruising force, my hand grabbing his crotch. He moans and I bite his lips, making them bleed. I shove my tongue in his mouth and caress his. I pull away and let him slump to his feet. Everyone is staring at me, except Angel, who looks like he either wants to kill me and Xander.

"Hope ya'll enjoyed the show." I drawl.

Brett wraps his hand around my shoulder and says, "C'mon babe."

I look over my shoulder at Angel and Spike, "Bye sweeties," I say blowing them a kiss.

"Buffy!" A voice says right as I'm about to walk out the door.

I stop and turn. Dawn is standing behind me, her eyes wide.

"What?" I ask bitingly.

"Don't go please." She begged.

I turned and just looked at her. Then I smiled and laughed, "Live, for me." I mocked, smirking.

She let out some sort of high-pitched scream and launched herself at me. Her fingers were scratching my face, like a cat scratching their prey's eyes out. I threw her off of me, watching as she crashed into the round table. I feel something dripping down my cheek and press my hand to it. It comes back stained crimson with blood. It burns, as if iodine was poured into the wounds. I let out a silent cry and look at my sister.

She gazes at me defiantly, her eyes glowing a neon blue. Her pupils are gone and the blue seems to be shimming with unnatural power. She lifts her hands and there is blue energy crackling between her fingertips.

"Son of a bitch…" I whisper watching her, mesmerized by the glow.

Brett starts to pull me to the door, "Come on!" He growls.

But, it's like I'm taken over, I see Dawn looking into my eyes, as if she looking *inside* me. She's shifting through my thoughts and seeing what I want to do. It becomes painful.

"Get out of my head!" I scream, my words gruesomely deformed by the fangs that have appeared. She doesn't seem scared at all, annoyed at the most. The others are watching the exchange with a morbid sense of awe. I grab the nearest object and throw it at her with a speed that I never knew I possessed. The object happened to be an Orb of Thesula. Everyone froze as it smashed. A bright light escaped its crystal confines and flashed much like a camera did.

I, instantly, knew what the light had been.

I smiled, "Suckers. Good luck getting little Buffy back now. Tootles." I sneer, taking Brett by the arm and leaving.


The Orb of Thesula, the light that had come from it.

Angel knew what it was and he cursed himself for not thinking of it before. The Orb was a holder of ones soul. That particular orb had held a very special soul, a much needed soul.

Buffy's soul.

And, now, it was gone and there was no hope of ever turning her from this monster that she had become. There was only on way to stop her or she would be inescapable.

And, that way, was to kill her.

"No." Spike said, his eyes hard.

Angel looked up, realizing that the obvious had been written all over his own face.

"What?" Angel asked, not caring that he was acting like he didn't know.

"You're not going to kill her, there has to be another way." Spike said.

"There isn't. Buffy's gone, as much as it pains me to say this, but all that's left is a shell and a very dangerous demon that seems to hold a deadly grudge of anyone and anything she has ever met." Giles said, his voice pained.

A small moan came from Dawn, she had pulled herself up after Buffy had left.

"What the hell was that, Dawn?" Xander asked, speaking up.

"I-I don't know." She whimpered, rubbing her eyes which had returned to their normal color.

"I believe that we just found out what power 'The Key' holds." Wesley said, rubbing his chin.

"What does this all mean?" Willow asked quietly.

"It means that we just might have a chance at taking Buffy and her army down." Angel said.

"We cannot kill her!" Spike shouts, "Do you bloody blokes even remember her, you friend? You kill her, you're killin' her as the demon, that's how she'll die and that's how she'll forever be." Spike said, raw emotion playing in his eyes, "And you can all bet your sorry American asses that she'll be none too pleased in the great beyond dying as the lady version of Angelus."

He sighed and repeated looking out the window his eyes tearing, "None too pleased…"


I drove as quickly as I could to my apartment where I knew they would be. The seers and Connor.

"Change of plans." I barked as soon as I walked in.

"Excuse me?" The male asked, I never bothered to learn their names…

"I said change of plans!" I yelled.

"Why?" Connor asked.

I regarded him with softer eyes, "My baby sister, who just happens to be the Key, well, she got into my mind." I said.

"What?" The female asked.

"She's telepathic or something. She was in my mind, I could feel her. She's knows what we're going to do so we need to change it." I said, getting angrier.

"What would you like? More warriors? More power, what?" Brett asked.

" I don't know! We need more *something*! I won't have those damn white hats beating me!" I yelled, pacing.

"What do you need, Buffy?" Asked Connor.

'I want, you," I gestured to the seers, "to round up the most powerful Sorceresses and Warlocks you can. We need Morah demons, more than we have. Vampires, hybrids, demons, I don't care! Firepower, guns, knives, axes, fucking flame throwers! EVERYTHING!" I scream, my eyes changing.

"What do you mean 'everything'?" Brett asked.

"Did I stutter? I think not! Every-fucking-thing you can think of, I don't care what it is!" I yell.


I hate these people! Ignorant little shits…

I grab my coat, keys, and purse and head out.

"I'm leaving. I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" Brett asks.

"None of your business." I snap.

"Can I come?" Connor asks.

"Hurry up, kid."


"Dawn's got power…" Xander mused.

"I don't know what I was doing… It just…came to me." Dawn whimpered, her body still shaking from the amount of power that had been in her.

"It's alright, Dawn. You're very helpful to us now. If we can just find out how you accessed it…" Giles murmured.

"It's still there." She said.

"Pardon?" Giles asked.

"I can still feel it. It's in me. But, it feels right. Like I've woken up from a long sleep." Dawn mused.

"Oh, spare us the dramatics." Cordelia huffed, but you could tell her heart wasn't in the insult.

Something was wrong with her.

"You ok, Cor?" Xander asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

Anya glared from the sidelines watching her ex fret over his ex.

"Just fine. Something seems wrong though. God! I wish I would have a damn vision already!" Cordelia sighed, her head hung.

Anya smirked at what she said.

"Done." Anya whispered, knowing that no one had caught on nor had they heard her.

Cordelia suddenly whimpered then her head slammed down into the table with a deafening crack.

"Cordy!" Angel cried, rushing foreword to help her.

"Vision!" She screamed in pain.

Her last coherent thought before she was awash in the agony and the vision's reality was,

'I thought this was over…?'


Part 20

"Where are we going?"

I looked over, a little startled at Connor's question, he had pierced the heavy silence, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I shifted the car into another lane and glanced over at him, "We're going to visit some friends." I said, pushing my long hair away from my face.

"Friends?" Connor asked, looking a bit disturbed, "Who?"

"Just…people. People who can help us." I said, glancing at him again, "We need to be prepared, Connor. You've got power, I've got power, hell, even Brett's got some power, but we need more. If there's anything you need to know about them, is not to underestimate their power. It's what my enemies have done in the past, and look where it got them, an ugly death." I sighed.

"But, it was you. Not them. I mean, I've watched them and they really aren't getting anywhere. The red headed girl still refuses to believe what you are." Connor objected.

"Willow." I sneered, "She only sees what she wants, believes what she wants. She brought me back because she thought I was in hell. But, she didn't really believe it, she just pretended to because she wanted a reason to bring me back. Stupid bitch…" I snarled.

"You're still angry." Connor mused.

"Of course I am, wouldn't you be mad if you were brought back, thought to be in a hell dimension, when you were actually in peace?" I asked angrily.

"I wouldn't know. I grew up in hell. I never had peace." Connor said, his voice flat.

"Sorry." I said.

He shrugged and silence took over again. We drove for a little while longer and stopped outside a tall building. Connor glanced at it and did a double take.

"Wolfman and Hart…"


"Vision!" Cordelia screamed.

No one knew what to do, what was going on, except Wesley and Angel. They both rushed to help her and steady her. She thrashed around at first then gradually became still. Her eyes had rolled back into her head and they could see them moving frantically under her lids.

"What the hell is going on?" Dawn gasped.

No one paid her any mind, all focusing on the catatonic girl.

Cordelia started to murmured unintelligible words.

There was nothing they could do, Angel and Wesley knew that.

They knew that they had to wait for her to wake up, then they would know what was to happen, what they were to do.

And most importantly, how to stop Buffy.


(Cordelia/Vision POV)

It was dark, but wasn't it always? She had to wait for her eyes to adjust to the dimmed light. Something was wrong. There was a sphere of fire, swirling with an alluring glisten. She looked at it inquisitively. Something was coming out of it. Something that had horns, red eyes, and a scaled body. It grunted and groaned as it pulled itself out of the ring of fire. She looked around and saw people standing by the mysterious portal. She saw Buffy, Lilah, and Lindsey. There was another person, but her was out of line of her vision.

"Oh God…"

Buffy smirked and walked up to the…thing.

"The Beast." A voice supplied.

She looked over and saw Doyle standing next to her. It didn't surprise her, nothing did anymore. She sighed and turned toward him.

"What is this?" She asked, turning her attention back to 'The Beast'.

"This is what you and your fighters are gonna have to face." Doyle answered, his sad eyes gazing foreword.

"How do we stop it? How do we stop her?" Cordelia asked, her voice almost desperate as she watched as Buffy smiled and held her hand out to the demon.

He regarded her for a moment then took her small hand into his large, scaled one. A small almost halo-like ring appeared around their hands and then disappeared.

"What happened?" Cordelia asked.

"They made a pact, a deal. They work together, she gets what she wants, as does he." Doyle answered.

"What do they want?" Cordelia asked.

"She wants revenge and power. He wants to destroy everything that moves and breaths." Doyle said, his eyes almost glazed looking.

"Can we stop her?" Cordelia asked forcefully, breaking Doyle from the small trance he had been in.

"Don't know. Don't know anything. We didn't see this happening. We didn't know it would happen. How stupid we were." Doyle murmured.

Cordelia didn't say anything as they both watched Buffy and 'The Beast' walk out of the door, the mystery man following close behind.

"What am I supposed to make out of this vision?" Cordelia asked.

"Tell the Watcher's to look in the Codex. Tell them to look under 'The Beast'. You're gonna need all the fighters you can get, 'cause, I can assure you that just you and your crew, not gonna beat Blondie and Ugly. 'Sides, she's gotta new player, one you don't know about." Doyle said.

"Who?" Cordelia asked.

"Can't tell ya that, princess. But, he's powerful." Doyle said, his eye brow raised.

"How will we know when we see him?" Cordelia asked, kind of wanting to know but wanting to know, but mostly just stalling so she wouldn't have to leave him.

"Oh, trust me on this one, you'll know." He said, but there was a little twinkle in his eyes, suggesting he knew more than he was telling.

"Doyle, I missed you…" She whispered.

He stared at her hard for a moment, "Yeah, I bet ya did," He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"What?" She asked, wondering what the hell his problem was.

"You don't think I didn't see it all? Darlin', I'm up here in the Great Beyond, I know all and see all. Especially things I didn't want too. You and Groo-y-Boy, You and Angel. Especially you and Angel! That's like dating your brother." Doyle said shuddering.

Cordelia stared at him in shock. He had never spoken that way to her.

"Not everyone is your whipping boy, and I sure as hell won't be anymore." Doyle snapped.

"I never said you were!"

"You acted like it. You act as though I should still love you. You've changed. And not for the better." Doyle sneered.

"Doyle… I-I love you." Cordelia whimpered, the shock of seeing him again and him saying those things to her finally hitting home.

He froze and stared at her for a long time, "A while ago, I would've given anything for you to say that to me…but not now." He said tuning and walking away.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Cordelia cried.

"You've gotta go back. Been here too long already. *Angel's* getting' worried." Doyle mocked still walking.

"Doyle! I love you!"

"Yeah, well I don't." Doyle threw over his shoulder and everything vanished and she woke up into the real world.


"Wolfman and Hart…" Connor gasped.

"Yep. They can help us." I said, walking into the double doors, my ex-lovers son following me.

"What are we doing here?" Connor asked.

"They got a little present for us. With it, we'll be invincible!" I laughed.

Some people looked at us strangely, but I ignored them.

"What is it?" Connor asked.

"Oh, its surprise." I said, smiling, "But you'll love it."

Connor looked skeptical, but didn't say anything. We rode the elevator to the twelfth floor and walked into the last office.

"Buffy." Lilah sneered, a sour look on his face.

"Lilah, pleasure to see you again. Nice lip gloss." I rolled my eyes.

"Buffy, hey." Lindsey said, a smile on his face.

"Hey back." I said a seductive smile spreading across my lips.

I sauntered over to him and gave him a *friendly* hug, kissing the corner of his mouth, my lips lingering much longer than they should have. I had always had a crush on him, but I never tried anything.

Hmm…maybe it was time to change that…

"Are you done?" Lilah asked, bumping into me purposely.

"Ohh, Lilah, darling, you hips are getting big. You might wanna go puke some more." I sneered.

"Ladies, ladies." Lindsey drawled, "We've got a spell to do and a battle to get ready for."

"So you will help me." I said.

"Of course." Lindsey said, "Besides, you'd probably drain me if I didn't."

"Got that right, babe." I smirked.

"You've got Angel's son, what you'd do, kidnap him?" Lilah asked.

"No. He came willingly. I'm working with him." I said.

Connor just glared at them.

I clapped my hands together, "Lets' get started people!"

Lindsey and Lilah got everything ready and called for a Warlock to perform the spell.

He bowed when he say me and I smirked.

Ha, word must spread fast about who's the big bad…

Four monks walked into the room and instantly the lights dimmed. They spread white powder around in a huge circle. They then cut their hands and made a star right in the middle. I could smell the blood and couldn't help but to make a small whimper-moan. They started to chant.

"Hecate, God of the underworld." They warlock started in a booming voice.

The monks walked around the circle chanting, "Hecate, Hecate, Hecate."

The warlock went on, "We call upon you, for your sufferance to use the gift of your power."

"Hecate, Hecate, Hecate…" The monks recited in their monotone voices.

"Your most deadly warrior, The Beast." The warlock boomed, his voice suddenly going silent. A whisper of a chilled wind passed through the room, causing each and every candle to go out.

"Here he comes…" I whisper, my eyes caught in morbid awe at the burning ring of fire that appeared over the blood painted star.

"Hecate, we beg you. Give us Him." The warlock growled.

Something was moving within the ring. Something that reeked of death and pure wickedness. I smiled as I watched. It had horns, blue and green scales on his body and blood red eyes.

Connor gasped slightly, his eyes wide, "It's The Beast."

Even Lilah was silent, the bitch…oh, excuse me, *witch* of the wicked world of lip gloss was actually silent.

What I was about to do, plain childish. I should be ashamed, being the big, bad, evil, but…I just couldn't help myself.

I walked silently behind her and pushed her slightly, shouting, "Boo!"

She let out a silent cry and jerked forward. Lindsey chuckled softly and I smirked.

By then, the demon was all the way out and brushing himself off. The demon looked at the warlock and with a simple swipe of his hand had his torso clean ripped off. He licked his fingers and smiled-or at least what was as close as he'd ever get to a smile.

"Hello." I said, stepping foreword, making it clear that I wasn't scared of him, at all.

He looked at me, then nodded.

"Good, we're on the same page. Here's what I want. We work together, you get to eat, maim, kill anyone you want, *except* who I say. You help me destroy this sorry excuse for a world and I help you get what you want. Deal?" I finished.

He looked at me, the hand that I had outstretched, then shook it with his scarier, meatier one and a golden ring circled our hands and traveled around us, through us.

"Deal." He said in a voice like broken glass rubbing against jagged gravel.

I smirked and looked around at everyone, "And so it begins."

"What begins?" Connor asked.

I gazed around, my emerald eyes shining, I drawl in a slow southern twang, "Why, the beginning of the end, of course."


"I think she's coming out of it."

"Is she ok?"

"Oh dear…"

That was what Cordelia first heard when she came too, a swarm a voices and a sudden bout of claustrophobia. She groaned and blinked her eyes, trying to make the bleariness go away.

"Cor, you ok?" Someone asked.


"I'm fine." She answered in a clipped tone, remembering what Doyle had said.

*"Not everyone is your whipping boy, and I sure as hell won't be anymore."*

Sudden tears came to her dry eyes. What had she done? What hadn't she ruined? God, everything is so screwed up!

"What was your vision about?" Wesley asked in a kind gentle voice, a voice that she hadn't heard him use for a very long time.

"Um, I saw Buffy…at Wolfman and Hart. He, Lindsey, and Lilah were trying to summon some demon." Cordelia answered softly as she accepted the glass of water that Xander had surprisingly brought her.

"A demon?" Giles inquired, "W-what kind, do you know?"

"The Beast." She answered without hesitation.

"The Beast? That's quite vague…" Giles murmured.

"Look in the Codex." Cordelia ordered.

Giles nodded and he did as he was told.

She looked up at Angel, her eyes wet, "I saw Doyle." She whimpered.

His eyes became cloudy at thoughts of his lost friend.

"How is he?" Angel asked softly.

"He hates us." She whispered.

Angel looked pained, "Why?"

"Because he loves me and he thinks we, you and me, love each other. He's mad and I think he hates me." Cordelia whispered, realization coming over her.

She had ignored what may have been the best thing in her life, ignored her remaining feelings for the dead seer. And, because she had done that and pushed for this non-existent love with her best friend, she may have ruined what might have been and could have been. It's like, she knew that she didn't love Angel, she never did, and Doyle was right. He was like the brother she never had.


And she tried to get him in her bed.

Major ew.

She shook her head when she heard Giles' triumphant, "Ah ha!"

"You find anything?" Angel asked.

"Yes, and I'm afraid its not at all good news. The Beast is one of the most powerful hell beings. He has no soul, no conscious. He's purely demon, one of Satan's spawns."

'And Buffy's working with him? What's wrong with her?" Xander asked in an angry hushed voice.

"It's not Buffy, you bloody blokes. It's the demon that's living in her pretty body now." Spike said, taking a swig of something in his flask.

"Then why don't we just kill her." Anya stated bluntly, ignoring the angered glares, "I mean, like you said. It's not her. It's the demon, who happens to want to kill all of us. We kill her, and Willow can do the puking-of-the-snake again and -BAM!- Buffy's skipping merrily around town, NOT killing us."

"It's not that easy." Willow said, her eyes hard.

"Why not?" You saved her, brought her back, when she didn't need, or want, us too. Now, she needs us and you people don't seem to want to help at all. I mean, she's been gone-what?-like a few weeks now? She's killing God knows how many people and she's getting away from it. Her knight in shining armor's not helping her, Billy Idol over there doing nothing but smoking himself to death. You Brits are sticking your noses in books and her so-called friends are doing nothing but twiddling your damn thumbs." Anya went on, her voice strangely monotone.

"Anya, what did we say about tact?" Xander asked darkly.

"Shove off, Xander. You're just mad because you're not getting any sex. Well, let me tell you, I could be giving you multiple pleasures, but YOU left ME at the alter at OUR wedding." Anya growled, her eyes blackening.

"Shut up!" Dawn yelled at everyone, instantly shutting them up, she went on, "Ok people, here's what we need to do. It's time to think outside the box…"


Part 21

Well, the beginning of the end, as I so uniquely put it, couldn't come soon enough. We still had a week to go until the lunar eclipse, and I still had so much to do. I had to get everything ready. Which, believe me, is a lot of work. The demons seem to want to do what they see fit, which consists of killing with no preparation whatsoever. And, that pisses me off! I have a certain way I want to proceed with things. I want to surprise Angel with Connor, I want to see the look of horror and betrayal on his face and remember it for years to come. I want to see my little Scooby Gang hate what I've become, cursing me as I kill them. I want them to have the satisfaction of them seeing what I truly am, what I've become, and ever shall be. I want my ex-lovers son to walk beside me, wreaking havoc on those who love us.

And, it will work. It will go my way. If it doesn't there'll be some serious hell to pay. I stood up, looking around me. Hundreds of demons, all kinds but mostly Morahs', stood in military line, their bodies ramrod straight.

"Well, well, well." I say, a smirk on my face, "This is interesting. The Slayer leading the demons, well that's on helluva twist of fate, isn't it?" I ask.

"I don't trust you!" One demon yells, stepping out of line, "You are the enemy! This is trickery!"

Glaring, I walk over to him, "You think that I, your leader, is going to betray you?" I ask quietly.

He nods defiantly.

I snap both hands forward and snap his arm in one quick motion. He screams and falls to him knees, "See, SEE?! She would turn on her own army!" He yells.

I throw my head back and laugh, "How little you know." I murmur, an evil smile widening on my face. I grab his neck and a loud crack fills the room.

Heh, another one bites the dust.

I turn back to the others and glare at them all, "Anyone else care to voice their opinions?" I boom, then chuckled when no one stepped forward, "Thought so."

I stood before the all, looking at them, "I want revenge. You want victory. Together, we can work towards the same goal. Instead of killing you, I fight with you. Think of how resourceful that is. I know their weaknesses, their fears, what to play on, and I'll show you. If you'll help me." I finish firmly, then smile, "But of course, if you don't believe this will work, I'll just introduce you to my friends. Connor and The Beast." I say and the two of them step forward.

No one dares defy me and I smile, think how sweet revenge is.


Thinking outside of the bow was harder than it seemed. How could they stop an army led by a hybrid Slayer, more importantly, their friend. Dawn kept fidgeting, rubbing her hand, and itching it. It was red and looked irritated.

"Dawn, let me see." Spike said, picking up her hand gently and examining it. He could see dried blood under the fingernails. He gave a quiet sniff and smelled that it wasn't hers. It was Buffy's. A plan started to formulate in his mind.

*It's always about the blood.*

But, before he could dwell on it too much, the door opened and in walked a leather clad brunette. She had dark eyes and a pale hesitant face. It was Faith.

"Hey all." She drawled, "Heard you needed some assistance in the Slayer department."

"Faith." Angel smiled, walking over to hug the girl.

She looked uncomfortable in her clothes and in the attention of every person in the room. Some glared at her, others just stared. Spike walked over and gave a smirk, "How d'ya do?" He asked, to make her feel better.

"Peachy.' She answered, "So, ya'll need help or what?"

"That would be…terrific, Faith, really." Giles said, a small smile on his face at the changed girl.

She nodded, "So, I heard B's gone a little over the edge, kind of an end of the world power trip." She said.

"Gee, sounds like someone we know." Willow muttered, anger darkening her eyes.

"You're right. Just like me and just like you, what does that say about B?" She retorted her eyes sad.

Willow gasped, "How dare you…"

"How dare I? I come to help and you attack me. Hope ya don't act like this when B comes back." She sighs and sits down, "So, what's the what? How's she changed? How do I stop her?"

"It's along story, cliff notes is that Buffy is part vampire, human, and slayer. She's extremely strong and extremely angry." Dawn sighed, itched her hand again.

Spike was reminded about his forming plan…blood.

"Hold on there, mates, I think I got it."


I let the body hit the floor with a dull thud. I had been feeding more and more, we were getting closer to the fight, and I needed all the strength I could get. The body count was up to 53, in two weeks. I was in a relatively good mood. Everything was going the way I had planned. And, I was loving it. I had a bit of time to myself so I decided to just take a walk. My cheek still burned where my darling sister had clawed me. I knew it would scar. It had scabbed over now, but it itched like hell. I could feel the light power settling restlessly in my skin, smoldering slowly. I had looked at it in the mirror earlier, angry that it was there. It looked like a damn cat had tried to claw my eyes out, three think, red lines, all between an inch and an inch and a half long. I thought they made me look…chic, in a wicked sort of way.

I rubbed my cheek absently and came upon a hill. I remembered this hill. It was the hill Angel had tried to end his sorry life on, years ago. I stood on the edge and gazed upon the small town. I saw my Mom's house, Angel's Mansion, The Magic Shoppe, the new school… This was my home.

*Her* home. The sorry excuse for a Slayer, the girl who wouldn't tune into her dark side. The girl who *had* to be good, who *worked* to be good. Who wouldn't just let up and stop, to take a look at her life, to see what it was dwindling down too; absolutely nothing. And, so she had a breakdown, went insane in her own mind.

I froze when I felt a presence behind me, but calmed when I felt it was Angel. He wouldn't hurt me. Not while I wore *her* face. I inwardly laughed.

"Though I'd find you here." He murmured, coming up behind me.

I smelled something. Was he…drunk?

"Gee, you've got me all figured out." I drawled, turning to face him.

He was wearing leather pants, ugh, wonderful leather pants.

"You're drunk." I said, smirking.

"You're evil." He shot back.

"Touché." I smirked.

"Love is forever." He said, wrapping his arms around me.

I tensed, "Forever's overrated."

"We're forever." He pushed.

"Forever's a dream, a silly little dream school girls have. When, in reality, people destroy forever and people die, so forever's not really an option." I ranted.

He then turned me around and kissed me. I was shocked, my eyes wide open. He whispered my name and weaved his fingers through my hair. His lips brushing against my face, eyes, cheeks, and neck.

"Buffy, I love you…" He murmured.

"No!" I screamed, vamping out and pushing him away from me. My eyes were an angry golden and my lips were snarling, showing my deadly teeth. His eyes seemed to clear and widened.

"Buffy…?" He sounded so confused.

"No!" I scream, "I'm not her, I'll never be her again. She's dead, Angel-baby, never to be seen again. Hope you're happy, cause it's your fault too."

I push past him, snarling, "Stay *out* of my way, Angel, and maybe I'll spare you for what's to come." I snapped, breaking out into a full speed run.

I needed to feel the adrenaline pulsing through my system. I needed to feel something other than this. This feeling of…affection. No matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of this. Of him. I want to hate him, and a part of me does, so very much. But, that hate I have for Angel, it just makes me love him that much more. And…I wonder, is this how Angelus felt? You hate this person to the point of killing them, and you would, but there's this feeling stopping you. Love. I still love him, oh god, how sick is this?

"I hate this!" I shriek, my voice echoing and being carried away by the wind.

I slump to my knees on the sidewalk and start to scream in anger and frustration. I hate this, I *hate* this, I HATE THIS! Change of plans. Instead of my dear Angel, I'll keep him alive, let him suffer as *every* one of those goddamned Scooby's dies, in front of him. Then, I'll let the cat out of the bag and show him my ultimate weapon.

His son.

And, then I'll turn him, make my Angelus again.

Oh, what fun we'll have.


"You think that will work?" Dawn asked, her eyes wide.

Faith sat back, her lips pursed and her brow furrowed in deep thought.

"I'm thinkin' it will. I mean, it makes sense. It has to work. I mean, what other choice d'ya got?" A new voice said.

Everyone turned to the door. There stood someone some knew, and others didn't.

"Doyle?" Cordelia whispered, her eyes shining with tears.

He avoided her eyes and smiled at everyone else, "How ya'll doin? Names Doyle."

After all the other introductions were made, the conversation continued.

Spike had thought about his plan, over and over. It had to work. They had Buffy's blood, the most powerful blood in this world. Willow would scrap it from Dawn's fingers and mix it with a spell-bound serum. They would then inject it into Faith, how would carry Buffy's power and strength for six hours. It was the only reasonable plan they had so far. Faith would then beat Buffy at her own game and Willow would try and re-curse her. Everyone had agreed to it. This was the plan, now all they needed was an army…


Part 22

Angel staggered into the Magic Shop, his mind reeling. What had happened? He remembered going to Willy's, to find out some answers…but he ended up having a couple of beers. Angel could usually hold his liquor, usually. Angel lost track of how many he had had after seven. Angel shook his head and wished he could get the feel of Buffy against him out of his mind. What had he been thinking, following her? She was insane, or, at least her demon was. She wasn't as vicious as Angelus was, yet. But, she was getting there. Angel looked up and saw only Spike in the room. He didn't know whether to be grateful or angry that his bleach blond child was there.

"What fucking hole did you crawl out of?" Spike chuckled, leaning his chair on two legs.

"Shut up." Angel hissed, rubbing his aching temples.

"You reek of her, what did you do?" Spike asked, his voice tight now.

"I got drunk. I followed her. I kissed her. She kissed back." Angel muttered, dropping into a chair.

"I feel a 'but' somewhere in there…" Spike drawled.

"She freaked out, went ballistic, and told me that Buffy--her soul--was dead and tat I better stay out of her way." Angel said, dropping his head in his hands.

Spike could feel his grandsire's pain and agony.

"What if she's right, Spike. What if her soul is gone and we can't retrieve it?" Angel asked, his voice full of some much pain.

"You'll have to kill her, mate. No if, and, or but about it. " Spike said, trying to shrug it off.

"I can't. I cannot kill her, even if it isn't *her*… I can't kill something that wears her face." Angel said firmly, then added, "You can't either."

"Got me there." Spike whispered.

"What if we can restore her soul?" Angel asked.

Spike sighed. They had discussed this before and there seemed to be no way that they could successfully do it without relying on dark magic's.


"No, I know what we've said and what can and cannot be done… But, what if we can get Faith to overpower her and take her to the Powers?" Angel asked.

"That's a bit farfetched there, mate. I mean, sure, *maybe* Faith can overpower Buffy…but we just stop everything in the middle of a bloody apocalypse? Not gonna work, and you know it." Spike said calmly, a bit too calmly.

"So, what do you suppose we doing, huh? You've shot down every idea so far, we've got nothing left!" Angel yelled.

"Don't you think I bloody know that?!" Spike exploded, "I know we've got nothing! I know we're on the losing side. I know the women we love is gone and I don't know how to bring her back!"

Angel was silent for a moment, "You love her."

"Don't you?"

"But you do."

"Of course I bloody do! Who doesn't? Xander did and still does. You do, obviously. Hell, I do. Rupert does…on a fatherly level. I bet that twit of an ex-watcher even does. How can you not love her?"


The time is growing closer. I can feel it with every passing second. My blood is boiling in my body, my fingers itching to fight. The air is heavy and foreboding. I can smell that thick scent of black magic in the air. Everything is quiet. No birds singing, nothing moving. Though, it's daytime, the sky is dark with clouds and heavy with sinister numbness. One long week has turned into twelve hours. The seers are delightfully happy with how things are progressing, suspiciously good. I can't help but feel as if something will knock us off our high horse.

"Quit those dark thoughts already, you're giving me a migraine." The female seer moans.

"Do you see anything that might stop us?" I ask her sharply.

"Nothing as of yet, mistress. It will go as planned." She assured me.

"It damn well better, because it will be your head if doesn't." I threaten.

She doesn't look fazed.

"The demons are ready?" I asked then.

"Yes. They've been ready for days. All they need are their orders." The male said softly.

The demons were magically bound to me. To do anything and everything I said.

"What about the Beast?" I asked.

"Lurking somewhere." A new voice said, from the shadows.

I turned quickly to see who it was, Connor.

"You've seen him?" I asked.

"Hard not too." He said leaning up against the wall.

So much like his Father…

He continued, "With all the people he's killing and eating. It's gross." He says disgustedly.

"I'm sure it is…" I sneer.

"Quit worrying." Connor says, approaching me, "You'll beat the, everyone."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask him, raising a brow.

"Because. I am." He says.

"A man of many words…" I murmur.

"My Father is sickly infatuated with you. He won't be able to kill you. Maybe hurt you, but do you honestly think that he could raise a sword to your fallen figure and kill you? No. All he'll see is the women he loves, hurt." Connor says blankly.

I smirk and hook my arm around him, "I can't wait to see his face when he sees you batting for my team."

He looked into the shadows and replied evilly, "Neither can I…"


"We have twelve hours left, less even. That is, if Buffy's plan is going her way. Willow? How far along are you with the spell for Faith?" Giles asked, taking his role as leader of his group, his children.

"Um, almost done. I just need to inject the potion into Faith and get the ritual prepared." Willow answered distractedly.

They all watched the boiling liquid that held Buffy blood and a number of powders and herbs. Faith tapped her feet nervously, not knowing how it would feel like to have Buffy's blood in her.

"Wait a minute." She said, causing everyone to look at her, "This is Buffy's blood, while she has no soul. Is there any difference in it to make it evil?" She asked, not knowing if she worded it right.

"You want to know if the blood itself is tainted, as Buffy right now is?" Giles asked carefully.

Faith nodded, shivers crawling up her spine.

Giles was quiet. He didn't know the answer to that. The blood could truly be tainted by Buffy's demon.

"Willow, can you cast a protection spell along with the bind?" Giles asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. That wasn't wise, asking Willow to cast more spells, he knew. But, what other choice did they have? They had mere hours left. They had truly begun planning for the last two days while Buffy had had weeks. This was not looking good.

Willow looked up at him, her eyes already darkening.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Rup?" Spike drawled, tapping the cigarette box against the table.

"No, I'm not bloody sure, and would you please stop that atrocious noise?" He asked agitatedly.

All talk and argument was silenced when Willow started to chant in Latin. Her hand lifted and wisps of magic floated from the ceiling to her fingers and into the small beaker when the blood lay. Her voice became deeper, wickeder. The tips of her hair blackened as if someone held a fire below her. Her eyes lost all color except black. A lightening bolt appeared from no where and shot through Willow and to the blood. Willow heaved as she uttered the last words, "Let the blood be bound."

She seemed to slump in her chair, looking pale and sickly.

"Willow…" Xander murmured, moving to comfort her.

She flinched away from him, "Not yet… Just…leave me be until I calm down…" She whispered, her voice still thick with magic.

Doyle pounded in from the back room, looking at everyone's grave face, "So, uh, got anything t'drink?"


I'm getting impatient. How long does it take nine hours to go by? Stupid question. I want to end this world and I want to end it now! I sighed and smashed my hands into the wall. I felt the satisfactory crunch of rock and stone against my fingers. My energy had been building day by day and now I felt ready to burst. I couldn't go out and kill anything for that would be wasting energy that I would need to use for the battle, at least according to the damned seers. I sighed heavily and sat down on the floor, weaving my hands through my hair. I could scream from the simple boredom I felt.

I should.

Really loud and annoyingly, just to piss everyone off. And, maybe they'd pick a fight with me and I'd have to fight back and I could let some of this stifling energy out before it smothered me!

I felt hands on my shoulders.



"It will all begin soon, my love." He murmured.

I snorted, "Yeah, hell will freeze over before I ever become 'your love'. Sure, we fucked a few times…"

And what a bumpy ride those had been…

"But, that doesn't mean I love you. Are you out of your mind?" I asked him, smirking.

I laughed, he looked angry.

Fisticuffs, here we come.

"Silly boy." I murmur, "You thought I loved you? This is work, sweetie, nothing less and certainly nothing more."

"Bitch." He sneers.

"Hey! What did you expect? For this to be some kind of demonic fairytale romance? You've gotta be kidding me…" I sneered, laughing.

What a chump.

I think I'll kill him after the battle. We don't really need him, do we?

I sigh and look at my watch.

Eight more hours.

Oh God.

I think I'm going to shoot myself.


"Everybody has a job in this. We can spare no one." Giles said, "Angel, how many people can you get from Los Angeles?"

Angel thought for a moment, "I can get maybe one hundred." He mused.

"Good. Call them. Tell them to hurry. Spike, will any demons listen to you?" He asked dryly.

"Ha ha. Yeah, the ones who ain't working for the Slayer, I suppose." Spike said, tipping his chair back.

"Get them." He said and hen he didn't move, "Now please."

Spike sighed and strolled out the door.

"Giles, I can do some magic to help us" Willow said.

"No." Giles simply said.

"Why not?" She asked.

"I don't want you to do anymore magic. We can't risk you going over that line again and helping Buffy end the bloody world." Giles said sharply.

"I can help." A voice from the door said.

Everyone look and saw Hank Summers standing in the doorway. He had disappeared somewhere in the last few days and no one noticed enough to search for him.

"And what would you like to do, Mr. Summers? Lie some more? Make your other daughter turn against the world?" Giles said, standing up.

"I deserve that. I can give you footmen." He said, sneering as he stood back and revealed about one hundred men, dressed in back, tazors and guns armed to their sides.

Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. They seemed to have a chance now.

"Good. You tell them to go for the demons. They hurt Buffy and I will have your head." Giles said, his voice darkening in a Ripper kind of way.

"I would never hurt my daughter." Hank snarled.

"Hm. That seems to up for opinion." Giles retorted, standing up warily.

"I've got fifty men to be here in two hours." Angel spoke up, trying to ease the tension.

It did.

They just might have a chance to beat Buffy.

God help them all.


Part 23

(Buffy's POV)

It's time. Finally, the wait is over and it's time for everything to begin. I could feel the magic humming in the air. I stood in the entrance of the cave, gazing out into the darkened sky. It was supposed to be almost noon outside, but the eclipse made the sky dark and foreboding. I turned and looked at my militia. Demons they might be, they stood ramrod straight and gazed at me for instructions. Each second that passed, magic grew stronger and more thick in the heavy air. I could feel the 'good' magic that Dawn and Willow were conjuring on the other side of town.


Like that would stop me.

"It would be wise to leave now." The male seer said, as the two came up behind me, Brett following them.

I nodded slightly, just wanting to wait and savor this moment. Connor was no where to be found, he had told me there were a few things that he needed to prepare, things that would be most helpful to me. I had told him to leave, but be quick so we could surprise Daddy-Dearest. I couldn't wait to see the horrified look on Angel's face when he saw his precious little baby boy was working on my side. Revenge would be mine, would be sweet.

I turned back my forces and smiled a slow, sinister smile.

"Let's go!"


(Dawn's POV)

I don't know if I can do this. Fight my sister. Maybe even kill her. Even with this weird, kick-ass power I have. Can I hurt Buffy? The only real connection to my mother that I have left? I might have too. It might be the only way to save us. To save her. Willow wants to restore her soul. She wants to 'help'. Doesn't she know that giving Buffy back her soul after all of this will only make her more self-destructive than the last time she brought her back? Even Angel agrees. And Spike. She's killed many people already. I know this. I saw her. She and some little follower she was with were walking through the park and then they came upon a couple and tore their throats out. I'll never forget that. The pure glee on my sister's face while she killed those innocent people. I almost screamed but that would have alerted her and she would have no doubt killed me.

"Dawn, are you ready?" Willow asks, her voice already deep with magic.

I nodded and took her hand. She started off the chant in Latin and I followed in English. We had to protect Faith. Willow had injected Faith with Buffy's blood and then sealed it with a bind. Faith had winced and you could feel the power grow within her. Faith eyes glowed an amber color but she didn't vamp out, thankfully.

I looked out the window and saw the moon move over the sun and felt a chill come over me as everything grew dark. Spike and Angel stepped out of the shadows and I could see Angel's eyes. They were dark and scared. He didn't want to hurt Buffy either, he loved her. As did Spike, but I think that Spike had a little thing for Faith. But, this was neither the time nor place and I wondered what would happen between the two if the circumstances were different. I shuddered as I saw shadows play over the building outside. People knew something was going to happen and they had locked themselves in their offices and houses. Something changed in the air and I grew alert. The ground seemed to be pulsing… And then it started to churn.



(Faith's POV)

The ground started to shake and I grabbed mini-Buffy and hauled her to the doorway with the hot Billy Idol wannabe and me. Earthquakes. B once told me that she died right after an earthquake had happened and now they scared the crap out of her. I wonder if she's scared now? I haven't come face to face with her yet. B being evil, it's a hard thought to take in. The little-miss-goodie-two-shoes from years back is gone and replaced with a killing monster hybrid thing. I feel so damn guilty for doing what I did in the past and if she dies, it'll be worse cause I'd have never told her how sorry I was. For everything. I mean, she was like my sister. And, sure, I tried to kill her a couple times and everything, but the sisterly feeling never went away, for the both of us. I know this because we couldn't kill each other. Tried but failed. Close but not cigar. And now, I'm watched as the scoobies little shop is getting torn apart by the earthquake and I wonder just how in the hell we're going to get through this. We can't kill her, none of us can. The only one that may even try and succeed is Angel. And only because he loves her and doesn't want her to remain a demon forever. Or have a soul and deal with what she's trying to do for years to come. And, I know it'll tear him apart, only because Angel's that kinda guy. I wish I were as brave as him.

The shaking finally stops and we all know its time to go. Willow walks past us, her eyes black. She scares me now. I wouldn't put it past her to team up with B and end the world. Again. Angel leads Dawn and I out, the bleached blonde following him.

"Are you ok?" I ask Angel.

He looks at me and I can see how torn her is.

He shrugs, "It's not me you should be worried about."

"I'm not going to even try to kill her, you know? Stop her, stall her. Yeah. But, I won't have her blood on my hands." I said straight forward.

"I know. I don't expect you too. Just…don't let her distract you." He warns and I almost say it's not me she'll distract.

It won't be anyone but him.


(Cordelia's POV)

The only thing running through my mind is; I have been an idiot. What have I been trying to do these last few months? One up Buffy? Too late. Doesn't matter how many points I've got on her, she is going to kill me. For ruining her life in high school and trying to steal Angel now. I know he doesn't love me. He never did. After he found out that Buffy came back from the dead, again, he ran to me for comfort. To bury her. And being the bitch I am, I took advantage of that and tried to get him to love me. And, I don't even love him. I wanted too, very much. He's a safe zone. Can't hurt me too much if his heart isn't in it. And, I wanted to show Buffy that I could steal her man. I wanted her to see that any time I wanted, I could take away anything in her life. But, it backfired. I've got nothing now. Doyle hates me. And, that's all that matters now. She's got the friends, the family, the love f everyone she meets. And I thought I could have that too. But I don't and I never will. I just wish she had her soul back so I could tell her, and God I don't believe I'm saying this, but that I could tell her that I'm sorry.

And, instead of forgiving me, she'll rip my heart out and feed it to me. I am so screwed…


(Spike's POV)

It's about bloody time this is happening. We're getting closer to the battlegrounds, I can feel her power. It's not right. She shouldn't be this powerful. She shouldn't be tryin' to end the damn world. She should be saving it. But…she isn't. And, I don't know what to do. I don't think anyone does.

I look down at the other Slayer and she meets my gaze. Her eyes are old. Seen too much, been the cause of too much. I know that look. Poof's got that look and I'm pretty sure I got that look too. And, I'm bettin' that blondie will have that look after all of this is done. We two pairs we will be. Two slayers and two souled vampires. I chuckled slightly and the brunette looked up at me.

"What's so funny?" She asked me.

"Just thinkin' 'bout the screwed bloody lot of us…" I murmured, smirking down at her.

"Yeah. We are a little bit strange…" She murmured, then stuck out of hand, "Faith."

I grabbed it and shook firmly, a smile growing, "Spike."

She snorted and said, "I know who you are."

I looked at her, "What?" We had never met. I had just heard of her from Buffy.

She looked down and said, "Never mind. If we make it through this, maybe I'll tell ya sometime…"

We both stopped talking as we came upon the battlefield. It was where two big hills overlooked one another and met in a deep valley below, right on the edge go town.

"Come on." Angel ordered, leading us to the top of one of the hills. I could see shadows on the other hill and I just knew it was blondie on this other side.

I just knew it.


(Buffy's POV)

I step to the edge of the hill and gaze over to the white hats on the other side. Angel stands in front and I know, the fight will end with him and I. No matter who it starts out with, the two of us will determine who wins this battle. Thunder booms from the dark sky and lightening flashes.

"Bring me fire." I whisper as my seers come to stand behind me, chanting their magic. I watched as the sky seems to open and cry tears of fire. I watch with wide eyes as it scorches everything in its path. It truly looks like hell on earth and I then know it's time to start.

"Go!" I shout and my army rushes past me to the valley below. I watch and saunter down, feeling Brett behind me. I watch as my father calls to his troops.

"Looks like everything is going to plan, darling, but where, pray tell, is the boy?" Brett smirks.

I look around and cannot locate Connor he said he would meet me. Where the hell is he?

"What did you do to him?" I ask angrily.

"Oh, it's not what I did, it's what they planned against you." He whispers and turns me around. I see Connor and Angel walking side by side, advancing on me



(Angel's POV)

I watch as my beloved turns toward us. Her eyes blaze in betrayal and fury. She actually thought she could turn my son again me.

"No!" She screams, her voice enraged.

Yes. Connor came to me after she took him and told me what she planned to do. How she planned to use him against me. We turned the tables around. Connor was her confider. She told him all of her plans and he made daily trips to me and told me of them.

"Connor… What are you doing?" She asked, her eyes yellowed and her lips snarling.

"You didn't actually think you could turn me against my Father, could you?" He asks mockingly.

"You played me!" She screams, her voice raw and angry.

"Yes. I did, didn't I?" He asks her, smirking.

"Damn you!" She says lunging toward him, only to be grabbed by Faith.

Her sister Slayer.


(Faith's POV)

I see B run towards Angel's kid and I can't let her hurt him. I grab her and spin her around, facing me. I punch her in the jaw and watch as she reels back. She stumbles back, holding her jaw and looks up at me, eyes glowing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snarls, circling me.

"You know. The usual. Trying to rid the earth of scum." I sneer.

She backhands me and I go flying.


She's strong.

"Idiot. You just want to get on everyone's good graces. Try and win back their trust." She sneers, then shakes her head, "Not gonna happen."

I stand and roll my eyes, "We done talking? Kinda like to get to the fighting."

She smiles and runs toward me. I dodge her and grab her wrist, flipping her to the ground. She sweeps her feet under mine and then straddles me, pressing her hands around my throat.

I claw her face and reopen the scars on her face.

She screams and I use that to my advantage, rolling from under her and getting up. She was right behind me and grabbed me by my hair, pulling me back. She held a jagged rock to my neck and started to press.


I'm going to die.


(Dawn's POV)

Through everyone fighting, I see Faith and Buffy in the middle, Buffy about to slit Faith's throat. God, no. Angel and Connor are too far away and they can't reach her. I can feel the power within me as I scream,


She turns to me and I reach out my hands, feeling the neon blue power slip from my, past all the fighting, and into Buffy. She screams with pain and I can see that man, Brett, running to her. I turn my head sharply and the magic kills him. He drops to the ground, dead. Buffy is frozen within the power and I can still hear her screaming. Willow grabs my hands and her power surges through me.

She screams, "GODS BIND HER!"

And a lightening bolt zaps to the ground and into Buffy. Her screams become louder and I wonder just what s happening. The fire from above still falls, but it seems to be lessening.

God, let this be over!


(Willow's POV)

I can feel Dawn weakening. I try and give some of my energy to her so Buffy won't become free. She is trapped for now, but the fighting still goes on. Angel and his son fight side by side, taking down some of Buffy's demons.

I can see a figure on the hill and wonder what the hell it is. It has horns and shiny, rock-like skin. It rushes to the field and stomps on the ground, making it shaky and throwing everyone off balance. Dawn falls and it breaks to connect between her, myself, and keeping Buffy locked. Buffy overpowers me when I fall to the ground. Her eyes are wild and she screams to the beast-like creature,


The creature rushes to us and Dawn scrambles up, a bit woozy. I see Xander grab her from the corner of my eyes.

"Give me strength!" I scream to the heaven above and feel a new surge of power run through me. I throw power at the beast and he stumbles, but doesn't stop. He starts to kill the men Mr. Summers had brought, tearing their limbs off as if they were toothpicks. Our numbers are lessening and I know I have to do something. I move to the edge of the field and draw a circle, with the toe of my shoe, around me. I sit cross-legged and start to chant the spell I had created.

"Gods of this world, hear my plea. Save your warrior, lost. Reach your hands to me and let my body be the vessel of your magic. Bind her to this world! Bind her to humanity! Restore the core that separates us from the beasts! I call upon you! Grant her, her soul!" I screamed into the wind, my eyes closed to the dangers around me.

Oh God, please let this work.


(Buffy's POV)

Anger flows through me as I slaughter my fathers men. Their blood is on the ground and on my skin. I am winning. All will be mine. I gave around and see Willow on the ground, chanting. She cannot be doing what I think she is going. I start to run to her, but fire seems to rush through my veins and I fall to the ground, writhing. My body seems to burn. I think I'm dying. Then my body feels tight, like it's being filled, and I want to scream. She can't do this. I have to fight it!


She's giving me my soul!

And, everything disappears until I find myself face to face with the Oracles. Not mine. The Powers' Oracles. I fall not my knees and they begin to speak.

"You're soul is returned to you, brute. Only you have the power to stop what's happening to the world. Only you and you alone can stop the battles."

"No!" I cry, my body and mind hurting, "Take it away!" I scream.

They just look at me, "No."

And, then I'm gone. I'm back in the midst of the battle and I freeze. I did this. I made this happen. I'm responsible for all these deaths, and many more. I ended the world when I should be trying to save it. No! Tears stream down my face as I watch. The Beast I called upon tears people apart and the many demons I called upon kill mercilessly. I stand up shakily and set my feet apart.

"STOP!" I scream, my voice torn, "STOP ALL OF THIS!"

Since, I am their superior, they listen. Everyone does. I can't meet anyone's eyes as I say, "It's over!"

Brett, sensing the change in me, rushes forward, "You can't do this!"

"I can and I did." I said brokenly, "I started it and now I'm stopping it."

His hands are on my throat then and he's strangling me, "This was my plan until you waltzed in! You won't stop this!" He screams. I shove him off of me and in his craze he rushes to me again only to have me snap his neck. His body falls to the round brokenly and I ink to my feet, weeping silently.

Just let me die…

Everything is quiet now. My demons are destroyed and bodies pile on the ground. No one comes near me. For that, I am grateful. I don't move, can't move. The thought of what I had done weighs me down and I hope it'll crush me.

"It won't." A voice said.

I looked up slowly and saw the Oracle, the good one, standing before me. I stare at them brokenly and whisper, "Just leave me alone."

"No. You were the cause of this massacre, this bloodshed. And, now, you will bear the consequences." They said.

Everyone; Dawn, Connor, Angel, Faith, Willow, Xander, Anya, My Father, Giles Wesley, Spike, and I are all transported to what looks like a celestial court room.

The whole room was white and my friends were seated behind my while I was in a seat up front. Five cloaked people sat at a semi-circle desk facing me and everyone else. The middle one spoke.

"On the account of Buffy Anne Summers, Slayer of Sunnydale, you are now in judgment for the murders and deaths of hundreds of people and for the bringing of the End of Days."

I knew they were the Powers and that I was about to be handed punishment on a silver platter.

Please let it be death.


Part 24

The room was deadly quiet and my breathing was harsh It sounded like it echoed in the never-ending white room. No one spoke for a log time. I could feel the eyes of my friends burning into my back, but I couldn't look back. I couldn't face their pity filled, sympathetic gazes. I let my pounding head fall into my hands and I tried to block out the whispering in my head. No. Willow and Dawn didn't banish the demon. Just locked her up deep inside me for no one to see nor hear, except me. I groaned softly and tried to make everything go away. I could hear the others start to murmur.

"Ms. Summers." A voice called, and to my ears, it sounded abnormally loud and made me jump up, my eyes wide.

My nerves were frazzled and shot from all the magic I had used and from the spell Willow had used to bring my soul back. I felt raw and itchy in my own skin, like I didn't belong. Like I had been when I had come back from the dead again. I felt…wrong.

"What?" I asked bitterly, as I slowly looked up at the elders in front of me.

I could see the five people sitting in the semi circle before me. Their faces seemed to be only a bright light shining with their hoods. My lips curled into a sneer. I stood slowly and met the Oracles crystal blue eyes.

"And, just what is my punishment? Community services? Picking up trash on the limbos? Give me a break." I scoffed, rolling my hardening eyes.

"Stop it right now, demon." One of the elders boomed.

"What?" I heard the others gasp behind me.

"Let the girl free, demon." Another growled.

I felt tight tension break within me and I slumped back into my seat. Oh my God… Not only could I hear the demon within me, she could speak through me too…if I let her. Was this how Angel was with Angelus…?

"What's happening to me…?" I asked in a tired, whimpering voice.

The female Oracle regarded me with something close to compassion. Her cerulean eyes twinkled sadly.

"The demon within you is one in its own." She tried to explain softly, "It wants out. It wants you out of the way. It will speak to you, tell you to give in, like a soul does in a vampire body." She said as an example, looking in the direction that I just knew was Spike and Angels'.

"Can't you just…I don't know, zap her out of me?" I asked pitifully.

The elders laughed, "That would be taking the easy way put, a way out you do not deserve."

"Don't deserve? Do you know how many lives she's saved?" A voice yelled from the back and I knew it was Xander.

My white knight…

"And, do you know how she came to be the demon? She wasn't forced. She had a choice. And, she chose the dark. She knew the consequences, and she chose to have her soul taken away. She succumbed." The male Oracle mocked, his tone sardonic.

The other behind me quieted. They hadn't known that. Now their opinions differed.


I closed my eyes tiredly, my head in humiliation. "What's my punishment?" I asked. "Death?" I asked almost hopefully.

They laughed at me, again.

Damn it!

I'm not funny!

"Death, my dear, is what you want most. Your body craves it, you dream of it. No, death is not what we will give you. In fact…it will be quite the opposite." The middle elder boomed softly.

He was the leader, the chief elder. I could tell by the aura of power surrounding him. It was pure and uncorrupted. Like a newborns was. But, this was no newborn. This…guy was hundreds of years old.


"Do you understand, girl?" The male Oracle asked.

"What?" I asked, meeting his eyes.

I hadn't been paying attention.

What had they said?

Opposite of death.


Wait, they can't mean…?

"No." I said firmly, shaking my head roughly, "You can't do this!"

"Oh, we can. We have, will, and are going too." The male smirked.

"No!" I yelled standing up, my chair clattering echoingly, "For years I have been told that I would die at a young age. Now, suddenly, just because I MESSED UP you're making me immortal?! No! I don't think so!" I raged, my eyes flashing and my fists balling.

The all shook their heads as if I was some pitiful with its wings torn off.

"Ugh!" I shrieked, slumping into my chair, slamming my head on the table.

Immortal! Forever! Eternal! Undying! Endless! Never ending life…


This couldn't be happening. I am supposed to die. Before I turn twenty five. How can I live forever when living now is so hard?

"What about the 'Highlander'? He could die with his head chopped off. He was immortal!" Xander yelled from the back.

I whirled around and glared at him, "The difference, you idiot, is that isn't a god damned show! This is reality! God, just grow up and open your eyes!" I screamed hysterically, and turned on the elders, stalking toward them, "I want out! Now!"

I was hysterical. They were pitying me, which only made me even more raged. I could feel the strong barrier between the elders and I as I approached them. I wouldn't lay a hand on them, both them and I knew that. I had started to shake. I felt numb. God, I felt dead.

"Let me out of here, please" I whispered in a very low voice.

My shoulders were hunched in defeat, my head hung. I wouldn't meet the Oracles' gazes. I couldn't bear to see their smirks of satisfaction. The women approached me and touched my face. Her touch felt strange, tingly. She lifted my head up to meet her eyes.

"Use this time you have, continue to fight the good fight. Things may surprise you in your journeys." She whispered.

I said nothing, just pulled away from her, and walked toward a shining light that I knew was the way home.

That is, if there was a home for me still.


I was dropped back in the bloody field. It reeked of death and blood. It made my stomach clench. I knew the other would soon be with me and I knew I couldn't face any of them. I staggered to my feet and ran as fast as I could to my apartment. I slammed and locked the door behind me.

I was sticky with sweat and blood. My hair was heaving on my back and my breathing was labored. In truly wasn't in my right mind at the moment, as if I had been the last few months. What I did in the moment was in pure panic and shock. I raced to my bedroom, paranoid making me look around every few moments, I opened my drawers and just threw everything in my bag. I grabbed my money from my top drawer along with a few other thing, my keys, jacket, and purse. I changed out of the leather I was wearing and threw on a pair of jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. I scrawled a quick letter and left it on my kitchen table.

It read:

If you haven't already figured it out, I'm leaving. I can't deal with what I did and I can't stay here. Don't know where I'll go or where I'll be. If and when I ever get settled, I'll send word. Words aren't' enough to express how sorry I am for everything that's happened.


And then I was gone. I threw my stuff in the back of my Jeep and raced out of town, not knowing if and when I'd ever be back. Truthfully, I knew I could never face them, any of them, at this moment. I didn't know if I ever could. For them to know that I had willingly given up my soul…it was just too much. I couldn't handle the criticism I knew would be coming, if I stayed.

I watched blearily as the 'You Are Now Leaving Sunnydale' sign passed me. I could see it and the whole town getting smaller and smaller in my rearview window. I silently said goodbye to everything. My past, my mistakes, my destiny, and my life, my friends, my family, and memories the good and the bad.

They were gone now.

Lost in the abyss of my mentality and memories.



By the time I reached LA, the sky was starting to light up. Partygoers were going home and business people were waking up to go to their jobs. I knew my friends weren't asleep. I could feel Willow trying location spells. I could feel her trying to tap into my mind, trying to find out where I am.

"Just leave me alone!" I hissed, knowing the angry message would get back to her.

Angel was still searching for me. I could feel him, his anger, his worry, and his fear. I blocked them all out, closing off my mind, thoughts, and feelings. I pulled into the parking lot of a Motel 6 and parked my Jeep. Grabbing my bags, I approached the front desk and faced bored looking girl.

"I need a single room please." I said quietly.

"One or two beds?" She asked, her eyes staring at the computer.


"You want any special accommodations? Satellite TV?" She asked her voice monotone.

"No. I'm staying for one day. My name is Anne Price." I replied.

"Mm….k." She murmured, typing and clicking. "One night is $55. Cash, credit, debit, check, or we have an ATM?" She said pointing to the machine that seemed out of place.


I was done then, assigned to a room in the back of the motel. I lugged my things to my room and dug through my purse. I found some sleeping pills and a Tylenol and downed them with a glass of water. I needed sleep, but, not with nightmares of what I had done. I didn't need that, not now, not ever.


My eyes flew open hours later, my chest heaving. My body was drenched in a cold sweat and my sheets were twisted around me. The air felt thick and I couldn't seem to focus on anything. My head was throbbing and my heart race din my chest. I stood on wobbly legs and shoved my hair out of my face.

I was cold.

Goosebumps broke out over my skin and I nervously peered out the window. I could still feel Willow calling to me. Her magic pulling at my mind, I groaned angrily and took a fast shower.

Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

When I stepped out, I peered into the fog covered mirror. My face was pale and the scrapes on my face were bright red and irritated. I scratched it gently and winced. It was going to scar. Changing into jeans and a t-shirt, I pulled my wet hair into a pony tail gathered all of my possessions. I threw it all in my car and was again on the road. I didn't know where I was headed, but I knew it had to be a quiet place. Where I could think clearly and find some peace.

I was in denial.

I wouldn't think of the horrible things I had done. I couldn't think of my friends, my Dad, or my sister. I couldn't think of how I had betrayed them. I knew that they wanted to help me. But, I also knew that they couldn't. They would be of no help. Any one of them.

Except maybe Spike.

He just might understand me in a way no one else, even Angel, did.

I shook my head, blocking everything out of my mind except the road.


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