Author: Angel
Summary: Left all alone at her uncle's mansion in Sunnydale, California, for the summer: Buffy Summers discovers that there's more to herself than she originally thought. Especially when she stumbles upon a story of a vampire named Angelus. The essence of the dark prince, surrounds her now. But what happens when Angelus discovers that Buffy is the mate he has been searching for, for the last few hundred years? Teasing and Smut shall ensue. But who will break first?
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Same Disclaimer as always. Please note that these characters do not belong to me, except where noted. These ideas are my own, though they have been fueled by the brilliant ideas of author fanfic authors. Characters used in this story belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, the WB, and whoever else created the television shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Also, all songs used-if there are any-will be properly acredited below. Thanks for not suing.
Feedback: Please let me know what you think! angel
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Part 1
This Chapter is slightly NC-17, but nothing major until near the end.
It began as an interest. A hobby, really. But through the days, and the weeks...It became an obsession. A dark obsession that fueled my ever-burning desire to know more. To read. To listen...To learn. But like all hobbies, I soon found that this one could consume my entire being and all that I was. If I pursued it, that is.
And from the way I am today...I can tell you without doubts, that I pursued it to the end. Relentlessly, I had to know more. So I chased. I stalked. I pursued...Until it was all that I could think about. It was the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes, and it was the last thing to cross my mind whenever I allowed myself to fall into an exhausted slumber-sometimes the first sleep I'd had in days.
You must be curious by now. Yes? You must be wondering what kind of story I am going to tell. You must be asking yourself, if I'm a hoax. A fake...An act.
But no, I answer. I am real.
To say it started slowly, would be a lie. No, it crept upon me so fast that I was too far in before I realized it was there. When I opened my eyes to what the world could really be, I found it was everything that I'd dreaded...and dreamed.
The first day I ever heard his name, was over a hundred years ago. The year was 2003. If you would be so kind as to listen...I would love to tell you the story.
*****
I awoke with a start, terrified of the nightmares still fresh in my mind. I had been having them more frequently. They used to come once every so often. But now they were nightly. A constant teasing-if you will. A reminder that there was something out there for me, that I knew nothing about, but had somehow been searching for since the day I was born, seventeen years ago. Maybe even before my birth...
"Buffy!" a voice rang out, knocking me from my thoughts and my memories. I sighed and shut my eyes, dropping my arm over my forehead and letting out a calming breath. It was the first day of my summer vacation. The first of many long, grueling days at my uncle's home in Sunnydale, California. It had become a tradition two years ago, for my parents to send me to stay with my mother's brother, Rupert Giles (Or 'Giles', as I like to call him) while they were off globe- trotting; exploring one new world after another. My parents never lacked in ways to make life exciting...Unless, of course, we're referring to my own.
"Buffy!" the voice came again. "It's time to get up! It's nearly ten thirty!" The crisp accent of my uncle had amused me when I was younger. Now it just made him appear stuffy and boring. Or perhaps he'd always been that way, and I'd just been too amused by the sound of his voice, to really pay attention to just how dull his life was.
"And surely it would be a shame to sleep in past tea time," I mumbled to myself in my best mock-British accent.
Rupert Giles spent his days-and nights-in his mansion atop a mountain overlooking the small town of Sunnydale. He was a recluse, to put it lightly. Books, were his main love. He spent hours indulging in his obsession of the unrealistic and generally obscene. Leave it to me, to have a crazy uncle as my room mate for the summer.
Most of my friends would be trying to find ways to amuse themselves back in Los Angeles where I am from. They'd be bored by now. It being the second day since school let out and all. I wish with all of my soul that I could be there with them; bored in the air conditioned mall. I'd rather be anywhere than Sunnydale, surrounded by nothing but books and a town of whackos to keep me entertained.
Not only were the people in this town strange and easily excited; they seemed to be very inventive in finding ways to get themselves killed. Puncture wounds to the throat. Puncture wounds to the wrist. A snap of the neck and somehow having no blood. Yes, the people of Sunnydale could assure the world that they knew what true creativity was.
Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of bed. Stretching my arms up towards the sky to relieve kinks and pains brought up by the nightmare's restless slumber of the night before, I sighed to myself. Today was going to be the start of an extremely boring summer...Or so I thought.
~~
The day seemed to drag on forever. My morning and early afternoon, was spent out on the deck, trying to the best of my abilities to get some sort of tan. If I was doomed to be in Sunnydale, I might as well have a project to occupy my time. Why not choose one that made me look good as well?
But of course, Mother Nature decided that I shouldn't start my tan just yet, and just as I was to return to the deck from lunch...The heavens opened and released their tears. It was pouring rain! And not only was my tan rained-out, my Aaliyah CD was totally soaked from where I had accidentally left it outside; waiting for my return.
So with no satellite TV, no sun for fun, and no one to talk to besides a stuffy old family member: I search for a way to end my boredom...If boredom is what you can call it. I'd prefer to call it 'The end of my life' because there is NO way that I am going to survive this summer in Sunnydale.
Wandering around the huge, old mansion, I sighed and spoke out loud to myself. "No tan, no air conditioning, no television, ands no friends. Why does this always happen to me?" Wandering through a long hallway, I kept my eyes open for freaky Sunnydale residents that perhaps crept in through the windows at night. You could never be too careful around people like them.
At that moment, I turned the corner of the hallway, and found myself at the top of a set of stairs. The level that the stairs led to below me, was dark and seemingly unconnected to every light switch that I tried. I sighed, "well, I guess that's the end of this tour."
Of course, at that moment; fate interrupted my plans to turn around and go back the way I'd come. It just figures that at a time like this, I'd fall and trip down the cold stairs. Letting out a sharp shriek as I lost my balance, I tumbled backwards, falling back and back into the darkness that would soon, unwittingly, become normal to me.
Landing on my back at the bottom of the stone stair case, I couldn't help saying a silent prayer of thanks that I didn't snap my neck or break my back. That would have put the ultimate damper on my already-hopeless summer vacation. There's nothing like being in a body cast in the middle of nowhere!
I pulled myself to my feet and dusted the dirt off the back of my pants. I was about to head back up the stairs, when I heard a noise from behind me in the darkness. I swallowed the lump of frozen fear that had formed in my throat all of a sudden, and called out, "hello?...Giles?" I didn't know my uncle all that well, so I wasn't too comfortable with using the 'uncle' phrase. Plus, it just sounds so dated.
I heard a sound from the top of the stairs, and I turned to look once more. Seeing nothing, I turned back to the darkness. I let out a surprised scream at the sight that met my eyes now. A torch on the side of the wall had somehow lit itself, and I was face-to-face with a large, wooden door. Now, the door wasn't the terrifying thing. Doors, in general, aren't all that scary. The terrifying thing, was the face painted on the door.
It looked like the face of a demon, but none that I could identify immediately. It had sharp, hideous fangs, gold eyes, and a seemingly human face. After several moments of staring at it, I realized what the face was. It was a vampire's face. The mouth was opened wide, and in the back of my mind, I could almost hear the hissing growl it released.
Shaking my head of my ridiculous thoughts, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. My uncle was always reading about dark things like witches and black magic, so perhaps this was a way to his spare study, or another book collection.
Hearing no response from inside the room, I decided to simply try going on. I grabbed hold of the ancient doorknob, and tried the door to see if it was locked. Seeing that it wasn't, I pushed it open and stepped inside. To my amazement, the moment the door opened, the torches all around the walls of the room, lit up like magic.
The room resembled every other study that I'd seen in old mansions like this one, but there was something different about it. The walls were lined with thick books, and the room looked like it hadn't been entered in years. There was a thick layer of dust on the large mahogany desk in the center of the room, and there were cobwebs all over the books and ceilings.
An icy chill crept down my spine, reaching into my stomach and tickling me until I shuddered in utter fear. But still, my curiosity was fueling my actions. I moved further into the room, walking slowly to the large desk in the center of the room. There was a small candle on the desk, and a large, black books. Nothing else. And of course, the moment I stepped up to the desk; the candle lit itself.
"Well," I sighed, "this just keeps getting weirder." I frowned, "any smart person would have turned around and gone back by now. But no! I just have to keep going," the sarcasm was dripping from my every word.
Moving right up to the desk, I looked down at the book. It was covered with at least ten year's worth of dust. I slid my fingers around the edge of the cover, and finally gathered the nerve to wipe off the title. The title intrigued me more than a book had ever managed to at any point in my life. The book was called...
"Angelus: The One With the Angelic Face".
"Let me guess," I sighed, "it's a journal of a really arrogant millionaire who was obsessed with dark, cradle-robbing creatures of the night." Flipping open the title, I was surprised to find that it wasn't a diary or journal at all...It was a biography.
I sat down in the large, leather chair; not even thinking about the dust and dirt that I was introducing to my pants as I sat. No, something had caught my attention. Now, I had to know more.
This was the start.
Opening the book further, I began to read
My name is Darla. I write today, not as a master vampires, and not as a servant to The Master…But as a watcher. An eye-witness. You see, in my long life, I have done many things. I am proud of most of them. But one act of my own that continues to baffle my pride, is Angelus. So I shall release my thoughts and my inner questions, onto this paper. This shall be done in the hopes that one day, someone will answer my question…
Am I proud of my creation? Of my Dark, Beautiful masterpiece?
I stopped reading, wondering if perhaps this book was fiction. Maybe the author was just writing a journal through the perspective of a vampire, and this had nothing to do with real, live vampires.
But deep down inside, I knew that was a false hope. Something inside of me had ignited when I'd first found it. Oddly, it felt as if I had found the start of what I was searching for but never knew I was on a quest to find. Now, my head is spinning with thoughts. Did I ever know before this, that a simple book could excite me so much? Who is this Dark Creation that Darla, the vampiric author, is referring to.
The only way to learn more, I knew, was to read on.
Angelus, my Dark Childe…He is lost to me now, thought he remains in this world-as I believe he ever shall will. But he is gone to me. Believing that I have betrayed him for my love of the Master I have served for hundreds of years; Angelus has left me. Now, left to my thoughts, I can only admit to these papers that I regret my decision. I would have gladly left with my Dark Prince, had only I had the nerve to tell it to the Master's face.
I was too coward.
Angelus, however, has never known what true fear is. Even that fateful night many years ago, when I led him to that dark alley and granted him his Eternal Gift…He was not afraid. I'd like to think he was, though. The ability to cause fear, is something that I treasure as a vampire. To have it so roughly taken from me this one time, was something I wasn't ready for.
To be honest, I think that I was the one that was afraid. The powers resting inside of Angelus, even before I turned him, were ones that made my skin shake. He had the abilities to be powerful…Over everyone. Man. Woman. Demon. Probably even you, the reader of these immortal pages, could not deny Angelus if he summoned you.
I stopped reading for a moment, to ponder these pages. This story that the vampires was telling, was one that I knew was still going on to this day. I could only imagine what happened to Angelus. Maybe he's still around…
I turned the page, and stopped dead at the sight that met my eyes. It was a picture. A portrait, drawn by Darla, of Angelus. The first thing my eyes focused on, was the eyes of the gorgeous man in the picture. Even thought they were simply charcoal sketched onto paper, there was a mystery in them. I couldn't hide the pool of lust that began to gather in the pit of my stomach. One look at those eyes in real life, and surely I would be lost forever. It would be like falling into an eternal darkness of pleasure and satisfaction…Yes, it would be filled with longing.
Reaching a hand to the page, I ran my fingers over the long hair sketched onto the aged paper. Without a doubt, I was enchanted.
"Angelus," I whispered.
**
I looked up from my prey, and sniffed the air. Dropping the near-lifeless body of my victim to the ground, I cocked my head and listened. I had arrived in Sunnydale just a few hours ago; feeling something pulling me to the mouth of Hell. I'd never much cared for the mystical activity around the Hellmouth. I preferred to cause chaos in places that wouldn't expect it. But now, I felt as if there was a reason for my arrival in the small California city.
And then I heard it. A voice. A soft, sweet, innocent, breathy voice. It spoke my name like a prayer. Like a truly cherished thing. "Angelus…" I wanted to hear it again and again. The young girl who spoke it, probably had no idea that I could hear her…and feel her. I knew, without a doubt, that she would be gorgeous. Perfect. Gorgeous. Innocent. Most people don't understand what can be heard in a whisper. But a vampire-especially a vampire that listens like I do-can feel a person's entire being in one simple whisper.
Perking my senses forward, I set off in my search for the voice. The sun had just fallen, so I would have all night to search for the owner of the innocently sweet voice.
This was the start of my obsession.
**
It was about this time, that I heard the thunder start. I looked up from the picture of Angelus, and realized how long I'd been staring at the sketching of his face. I realized that Giles was probably looking for me frantically, so I gathered up the book, and left the den. Just like how they opened: the doors shut behind me automatically, as if by magic.
"Giles!" I called as I wandered through the house, holding the book in my arms; squeezing it against my chest as if it was a source of protection to me now. I wandered into the dining room, and I noticed that someone had recently eaten at the head of the table. Also, my plate was set next to the place that Giles usually occupied. Great! I'd missed dinner. Now, Giles was going to be upset with me.
Checking my plate closer, I noticed that he'd left a note for me. I set down my book, and picked up the small piece of folded, white paper. I read it out loud to myself. "Buffy…Gone out for the evening to a Dark Arts Conference at the local college. Enclosed is a number with which you can have me paged, if needed. Dinner is waiting for you, since you seemed to have been otherwise occupied when it was put out. I shall be back very late."
I frowned and set down the note. "Only Giles, could write the word 'shall' in a letter." Thunder pounded outside, and the lights flickered. "Oh please don't go off," I begged the electricity Gods.
I went up to my room, feeling as if I was waiting for something. It couldn't be that I was waiting for Giles…So what on earth was I waiting for? I made quick work of getting changed into some boy-cut underwear and a tank top. I felt so tired all of a sudden. Sleep would be a welcome escape from this world of nothingness.
And sure enough, just as I laid down in bed, the electricity went off. "Great," I sighed. The room was illuminated only by the flashes of lightning that shot through the sky every minute or so. I turned my head and looked over to the glass doors that led out to the balcony off my bedroom. The lightning flashed, and I saw the entire balcony; empty.
I couldn't stop myself from thinking of Angelus. He was so gorgeous. So incredible. I'd never known that he existed…until today. Now the only thing I want to do, is learn more. And as I shut my eyes and allowed the darkness of sleep to claim me, I had no idea that he had already found me. And as I slept…
He was watching me.
**
As I watched the gorgeous, petite blonde slip into the arms of sleep; I smiled to myself. After all this time, I'd finally found her. I'd been waiting so long; looking for her. I'd been thinking that I should let her go, and all along, she'd been waiting for me to come to her. It was as if fate was intervening now; bringing me back to her.
I'd always known I'd find her. The one who I could spend eternity simply holding…worshipping. For the last two hundred and forty years, I'd felt her in the back of me. Her soul was what I clung to when I felt the insane need to destroy the world. The idea that she was out there somewhere, is what kept me from bringing Hell to earth.
From staking myself.
My plan formed fast, as if it was given to me by the Gods, themselves. It would be so easy, it should be a sin.
But how can love be a sin?
**
I woke up feeling the same nervous anticipation that I'd felt all through last night. In the back of my mind, my dreams were still vivid. I had been in the dark; running away from something, and towards it at the same time. I remember how I felt, even now, as the last tremors of my dream began to dissipate. I had felt nervous, scared, and for some reason I'd felt as if my blood was boiling with desire and anticipation of things to come, once I reached my destination.
Why can't dreams just be easy to understand?
I slid out of bed and dressed for the day ahead. Arriving downstairs, I found Giles making his usual morning tea and crumpets meal. He turned to smile at me when I entered the room. For some reason, he was beaming. This could only mean one of two things.
One: He'd been accepted into some dark, cult club.
Or two: He didn't have to spend the entire summer with me, and he was going somewhere.
"Good morning, Buffy. It's wonderful to see you out of bed without encouragement, at a decent hour. I trust you slept well," he set a plate of breakfast in front of me.
"What's with the cheery?" I asked, slumping slightly in my seat as I picked up a fork and started flicking at my breakfast. For some reason, I couldn't find an appetite for solid food.
"The most marvelous news," Giles said as he came to join me at the breakfast table.
"You're pregnant?" I offered, trying to sound funny and then realizing that Giles probably wouldn't be able to acknowledge my own form of humor. From the look of vagueness on his face, I could tell that I was right.
"Well, obviously," he said, seeming a bit flustered. "No, that's not the news," he informed me.
"What a surprise," I sighed.
"The news, is that I have received word from the Watcher's Council in London. The Watcher's Council is an organization of demonic and dark arts, which specializes in history and procedures. They have accepted my request for a two-week lesson in the history of the dark arts. I am to fly to London this afternoon, and be educated in the Watcher's Academy for the next two weeks. Isn't that marvelous?" He smiled brightly.
"Marvelous?" I raised my brow at him. "Does this mean that I'll be staying here on my own for two weeks, surrounded by the crazy citizens of Sunnydale, and the things that go 'bump' in the night?"
"In a word…Yes," Giles almost smiled. He got to his feet once more and took a final sip of his tea. "I have to begin packing now. My flight leaves very soon. But, I have left the number of where you can reach me, by the stove."
"Giles!" I stopped him before he could leave the room. "Giles…" I paused, and then asked-trying not to sound too intrigued, "Who exactly, is Angelus?"
He stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Turning finally, to look at me, he asked, "what do you know about Angelus?"
"Nothing," I replied a little too quickly. "I just fell down some stairs yesterday and there was a door with his name on it," I looked down, and then to Giles through hooded eyes, hoping that he bought my story. He seemed to believe me, but he looked so serious as he scurried back to the table to sit next to me once more.
"Buffy, Angelus was a vampire. A Master Vampire. I know that the hot young blood, and historically-deprived brain that you possess may make this concept a rather difficult one to grasp, but…Vampires DO exist. Angelus was a killer. A murderous fiend. His only ambition, was to cause as much pain as possible."
"Was?" I asked, furrowing my brow. "So…He's dead now? I mean…He's dust? Gone?" I didn't understand how that could be. I could feel him. I could feel him pumping through my veins. Through my heart. My soul. My entire being was flooded with the essence of him.
"It hasn't been proven that Angelus is dead," Giles said slowly. "But it hasn't been proven that he's still in existence. About a hundred years ago, Angelus disappeared. No one has heard a word of him. So no one knows. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he still lives. Rumors fly around this mansion, that he had a secret study hidden somewhere. But I've never been able to find it," Giles looked around the room as he spoke, as if looking now, would help him find what he had never been able to discover before.
"You mean…This was his house?" My eyes widened.
"No. Not Angelus'. His sire's. Darla, was her name. But apparently when Angelus would visit, he would spend the majority of his time in his hidden den. Legend has it, that his study was sealed by Darla, and that she put a book inside, describing the details of Angelus' existence. But like I said…Nothing is proven."
~~
Giles must have thought that the little information he provided me, was enough to satisfy my simple question. However, he had no way of knowing that my questions were numerous, and far from 'simple'. I wanted to know absolutely everything that there was too know about Angelus, and the reasons that I felt him so vividly inside of me.
So my uncle was off, and I was left with nothing but a mansion filled with history, and an eerie feeling that someone who mattered more to me than life, was hovering nearby. Who, I had no idea. Where, I had no clue.
I couldn't contain myself from reading more from Darla's book. It fascinated me, to say the least. But I was confused by it as well. It probably should have confused me, but it didn't. It made perfect sense. Every single word she wrote, was like a clear bell ringing inside the back of my mind.
A week passed, and all that I could think about, was Angelus. I read Darla's book front-to-back, two many times to count, just hoping that I could find an imperfection in this seemingly-perfect, dark, Lord of the night. Granted, he was a ruthless killer…But I needed him so.
I went through the hidden den over and over. I found many pictures of Angelus. Some were what Darla thought he might look like in present-times. Some were of memories from the past that she found it necessary to record with charcoal, to history.
My only thought, was that I had to know more. This must be where my next idea came from, for I never thought I'd think up something this crazy without some sort of motivation for it.
My idea? My plan? What I did?
It was night. Plain and simple. The sky was dark and clouded, looking like a black hole that wanted nothing better than to suck me in, and never let me go again. So with that in mind, I headed to the graveyard. Well, one of them. Sunnydale has a not-so-surprisingly large amount of graveyards. Stupid move. I know. But something inside of me urged me onward, encouraging me to go to the graveyard to find the reason that I couldn't think straight any more.
My feet stepped over the fresh night dew on the grass as it slowly began to form in the mist. Looking all around me, I couldn't help but feel like I was finally getting somewhere with my search.
And then it happened.
"I found you," came a deep, melodic voice that purred of wonderful delights. "After all this time…I've found you."
I turned quickly, tightening my hands into fists incase I had to start swinging. "Who are you?" I asked, unable to make out a clear form in the darkness. I couldn't see a thing.
"You know the answer to that question, my love," as he spoke these words, he stepped out from behind the tree in front of me.
And there he was. My dark prince. Dressed in black, leather pants, a blood- colored, silk shirt, and a long, black duster. He was the most magnificent being I'd ever laid eyes on. He smirked softly at me, "no Hello?" When still I said nothing, he stepped closer to me. "Then allow me to make the opening remark." With that, he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. It seemed to take an eternity for his lips to settle a burning kiss onto my own. But the moment that he did, tingles shot through me and he set my entire mind into a whirl.
Fates clashed as his lips pressed into my own. I found myself helpless to the allure that his dark essence was projecting in to me. Hopelessly caught, I didn't even try to fight. I parted my lips with little to no avail, and reveled in the feeling of his tongue sliding in to my mouth to gently caress my own. His kiss was tender, yet demanding. Forceful, yet passive in the most romantic and sensual way.
But then it was gone. His lips were no longer on mine. I opened my eyes to look up at him, and I swear I almost died on the spot. The way his eyes were lit up with fire, made me want him more and more. I'd never wanted anything like I now knew that I wanted him.
"My dear, I do believe you've been expecting me," he chuckled softly in a low, melodic voice that made the insides of my legs tingle with anticipation. Oh how could he be so incredibly perfect? It's just not fair.
The mood was broken to a slight degree, when suddenly there was an explosion from some place off behind me. I turned around reflexively, to see what it was. The sight that met my eyes, was enough to make my jaw drop. I was in total shock. There's just no way to describe what began to race through my mind as I watched the church behind me on fire; blazing like a witch being burned at the stake in 18th century Salem.
"You will be my Queen, Buffy," came that smooth-yet-rough voice.
"Okay," I answered simply as I turned to face him once more, without even taking a moment to think about what I was saying to this dark, handsome man behind me.
"What?" he frowned. He sighed, "no. No, it doesn't work that way. You have to put up some form of resistance. This makes my victory much sweeter."
I took that in to consideration. "Oh. I see," I frowned. "Okay, um…" I thought for a moment, trying to find a good reason to fight him off, or at least pretend to. "No, I will not be your…Queen," I frowned. Why on earth would I not want to be the Queen to my Dark King? I shook my head, "fuck it," with that, I pushed myself towards Angelus, capturing his lips with my own once more.
He seemed surprised at first, and then he chuckled softly against my lips. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me that extra bit closer. And suddenly, all of my virgin ways were gone. I couldn't control my hand from slipping down his chest, to squeeze the hard bulge in his pants. Angelus moaned longingly into my mouth.
Seconds ticked by, and then he broke the kiss once more. Gazing down at me with parted lips, he seemed to be surprised. "It's not going like it should," he informed me in a bit of a daze.
"How should it go?" I asked, my innocence shining through in every syllable. That seemed to be all it took for him to want me again. Kissing me harshly, he backed me towards an old, marble mausoleum. He swung me up into his arms, and kicked open the door to the dark room of death. Taking me inside, he set me down on top of one of the large, stone coffins.
Allowing me air, he smirked down at me. Then, he dropped to his knees. The coffin had me raised to just the right height for him when he was down on his knees like this. Sliding my legs apart, he inhaled my essence as his hands made quick work of ripping my skirt in half, and ridding me of the strenuous material. My panties went in much the same fashion, until I was bare to his gaze, his touch…His taste.
At the first feel of his tongue against my hot clit, I dropped my head back and released his name in a breathy moan. With that one touch, I felt like I was ready to come. I'd never been happier then I was at this point, that I had saved myself for the right one. For now I knew, that Angelus was my destiny. My fate.
He was-is-the right one.
All thoughts dissipated with the next flick of his tongue. Sliding my fingers through his hair and over his scalp, I moaned again as he began a gentle, licking rhythm. I felt like I was boiling inside. The tingles in my stomach were almost too much to handle. I felt like I was going to pass out from the sheer pleasure of the situation.
**
Tasting my new obsession, gave me the extra bit of knowledge that I needed, to know that she was truly mine…If I'd had any doubts, that is. She moaned my name again, and my raging erection grew even more possible. I was torturing myself here for some reason. Although I couldn't exactly figure out why. I wanted her. She wanted me. So why wasn't I just getting the job done and claiming her fully?
Out of nowhere, my answer came. I wanted to make her beg for it. I wanted her to know what it felt like to have to wait around for me, as I had for her for all this time. She needed to feel the longing like I felt it. She had to feel that burn, and admit that she felt it, before I would give in to my desires and claim her. Yes, she was going to crave me like nothing else. She was going to breathe me like oxygen.
I felt her begin to quiver under my tongue, signaling her approaching climax. I took this opportunity to slide a finger inside of her tight channel. She gasped at the invasion, and I smiled to myself as I felt her body's confusion at this new object. She was a virgin.
Perfect.
Love, I knew you would wait for me.
Her climax came then, washing over her like a cloud of misty pleasure. She screamed my name, clutching my head closer to her, as if she feared that I would leave. But honestly…Where else would I go? The only place I belonged now, was with her. Everything else was for the rest of the world to have. All I needed, was this precious girl.
My plan was forming, as if it had been written by the Fates themselves, and I was only just now beginning to realize it had been intended for me all along. I would tease her. Toy with her. Until she couldn't take it anymore, and she simply had to have me.
Then I would claim her as my Queen, and we would rule this universe like the true Gods we were-and always had been. So with that in mind, I forced myself to resist her calling sweetness, and refrain from joining her in ecstasy.
**
When he was sure that he had licked me clean, Angelus stood before me. Smirking at me, he leaned in to kiss me ever-so-gently. I could barely feel his lips against my own as he tenderly worshipped me. It took me a moment to realize, that this kiss was his way of saying Goodnight. When finally his lips parted from my own, he looked down at me with fire in his eyes.
"You're leaving," I spoke in a low voice, hoping to God that if he didn't hear me, then he wouldn't do what I said. It was a foolish hope, but I clung to it much the same.
"Not leaving," he corrected me. Applying another kiss to my forehead, he whispered, "you need to know what it feels like, my love. Then…we'll be together."
"When will I see you again?" I was trying to get as much out of him before he turned and left me there like I knew he was going to.
He smirked softly, "I'm always here, lover. All you have to do…is ask." And with that, he turned and left me in the dark crypt of death. I watched as he retreated into the darkness, not even turning once to look at me over his shoulder.
Something tells me this is going to be interesting.
Deadly interesting.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Lyrics Used In This Chapter, Are From A Song Called ... "6 Underground" - By The Sneaker Pimps.
Part 2
When I woke up the next morning, I felt different. Somehow, I felt more alive than ever, even though the night before I had been kissed by death and sealed my fate that I would die before I hit the age of twenty. Yet the feeling still remained. It was as if I was awakening for the first time.
I thought back to the events of last night, and smiled. Reaching my fingers to trace over my lips, my smile grew substantially. The feel of Angelus against me, of his hard body pushing into my own; was something I couldn't rid my mind of. And honestly...Why would I want to? It was the most exquisitely perfect memory I had. I could only pray that it would stay so vivid throughout time, because the feeling of his cool lips on mine for the first time: was something that I never wanted to forget.
So I got out of bed-readjusting my baby blue silk short bottoms, and black bra-with a new bounce in my step, and a smile on my face that I couldn't seem to get rid of. I went down to the kitchen dressed in some dark low-riding jeans, and a white, three-quarter sleeved sweater that ended before the hem of my pants, exposing a strip of my flat, tanned stomach.
While making myself a nutritional breakfast of chocolate chip waffles, I noticed that the little light on the answering machine was blinking. I frowned and went over to it. It claimed that I had 2 new messages.
Pressing the little, black button down, I waited to hear who they were from.
The first was from Giles, and went something like this:
"Buffy, it's around 1 in the morning, your time. I'm simply calling to see that everything is alright. Not that you care that I care, but I suppose it's right of me to let you know that I do nonetheless. Everything is going great over here with me. You may not care, but it is." The shallow sarcasm in his voice made me chuckle once and roll my eyes.
"I'm calling so late because as a teenager of Generation X, I believe that you're probably still awake, and growing accustom to staying awake all night due to the fact that your age group places no value on the idea of waking up early and going to a place of business or volunteer organization to produce something useful from their time at this age. I have to say I'm supremely surprised that you are not answering the phone, because as a teenage female I would expect that a ringing phone to you-sounds like a harmonious choir of pretty, little birdies. But perhaps you're out tonight, on a mission to be eligible for welfare and child pension cheques by the time you're nineteen. I really don't know. I shall call again tomorrow evening, probably about the same time. Take care, and try not to burn the house down."
The message ended, and I erased it with a frown. "He just loves to hear himself speak in casual sarcasm," I mused to myself.
The next message was from my mom. It said simply:
"Buffy dear, it's your mother. Just calling to check in and see how you're doing. Your father and I are fine. Make sure you eat healthy." At this, I glanced to my chocolate chip waffles and shrugged. Who was gonna tell? And would she even care?
"I'll call you in a few days to check in again. Love you, honey! Bye!" With that, the message ended.
I erased the message and sighed. "The woman gives birth to me, and yet she cares less than the uncle that knows nothing about me. Complicated world, much?"
I sat down with my 'nutritional' breakfast and began flipping through the latest edition of Cosmo. I read a few line of an article titled appropriately "25 Ways to Make Your Man Go 'Wow'". The article listed 25 different techniques for giving extraordinary oral pleasure. I laughed at the one that mentioned growling like an animal. It reminded me of Angelus.
I tried to keep eating, but after a few bites I found my stomach began to flip, and I suddenly lost my appetite for eating anything. I pushed my plate away and frowned. Something was about to happen. I could feel it. I could feel my body tensing, as if preparing itself for a blow of some kind.
I flipped my magazine shut and stood up, suddenly feeling alert. I looked around the room, wondering what could possibly be going on. It was eerily quiet. I couldn't hear anything outside.
At that moment, a pounding began on the front door of the mansion. Making my way through the house to the front door, I stopped just in front of the door and held my breath to hear a sound of some kind. Hearing nothing, I stepped up to it and opened the peep-hole to look out at whoever had knocked.
But I saw no one.
Picking up my set of keys from the table next to the door, and steadying my finger on the button of my key-chain pepper-spray, I took a deep breath and flung the door open.
I found myself faced with a delivery man dressed in the ugly UPS outfit. I couldn't help wondering what would inspire a man to actually consent to where shorts that incredibly short. It was a dead give-a-way as to his sexual preference, that was for sure.
"Package for one Miss Buffy Summers. I am to read to you - under instructions from the sender - that it is from..." He fumbled around with the card on the outside of the large pink package he was holding. Reading it swiftly, he said, "Angel. Whoever that is." He let out a sigh and handed me his clip board to sign. "Sign on the dotted line, and then I'll be out of here."
I did as he said, signing my name in a rather sloppy manner since I couldn't wait to open the package and see what he'd sent me. He finally handed it over and began to speak again.
"Have a nice d-"
I didn't hear the rest of what he said as I slammed the door shut, yelling out, "Thanks!" as I gazed at the large package in my hands. It was a reasonable weight. Not the weight of a bowling ball or anything, but at least the weight of a pair of boots or something. Now obviously I know it's not a pair of boots. Angelus wouldn't send me boots...This is California!
Taking it to the kitchen, I set it on the table and pulled the card off the outside of the box. My ame was written in elegant writing that somehow looked passionate...Can writing look passionate? I shrugged my thoughts aside and opened the envelope to pull out the piece of paper from inside. The message was brief. It said simply...
As a reminder of my affections. Though no stone or jewel in the world can compare to the beauty of you, my dear, I feel that this one expresses best how long I have waited for you.
Yours, A
Confused about what he meant about stones and jewels (although I later will look back and wonder at what a moron I am for not understanding sooner), I opened the elegant wrapping on the box, and lifted the lid. Inside, was another box. This one blue, and smaller.
I suddenly felt a strange sense of Deja Vu. Don't they have these little things in Doctor's offices for the little kids to play with? Those wooden people, inside wooden people, and so on and so forth. I pulled out the blue box and opened it up.
There inside, was a yellow box. Inside the yellow box, a green box. Inside the green box, a purple box. Pulling out the purple box, I had to wonder how many more boxes there could be. Opening the lid, I knew...
Just one.
Inside was a 6-inch blood-red, velvet box. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it and laid my eyes on what was inside.
It was gorgeous!
The platinum pendant and chain encrusted with rubies and diamonds in the shape of a heart, literally took my breath away. One hand flew to my chest and I gasped loudly at the sight of it. Oh my God! It's astounding!...And probably really, really, really expensive too.
Just then, the phone rang next to me. Still in a daze, I answered, somehow knowing who it was. "Hello," my voice shook slightly.
"Do you like it, love?" Came the deep, melodic voice that haunted my dreams.
I smiled, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder, and using both hands to take the pendant out of the box. I held it up and gazed at it in awe. "How could I not?"
"Perhaps red is not your colour," he suggested. "I hoped it would be as it is primarily my own. However, if you wish for something different..." he trailed off.
"I adore it," I told him in a soft tone. "But why the gift? I have nothing to give you."
"Sure you do," came his voice, hinting that he was smiling with the sound of a chuckle under his words. There was a pause, and then he said, "I'll see you soon."
And just like that, he hung up...and I was all alone in the big house again.
~~
I spent the day wondering what was going to happen next with Angelus. Would he come see me again? Would he wait a few days or weeks to give me 'an idea' of what it was like for him to-as he said-"Wait so long"? I certainly hoped it wasn't the last idea, because weeks, days-Hell even hours!-without him now seemed next to impossible.
Passing the time was not easy. Let me just say that. I re-read a few parts of Darla's book that had captured me before, and now I found that I understood them so much more. Especially this following part...
Angelus captures your heart, your mind, and whatever is left of your soul with just one look. Those deep, dark eyes that seemingly lead into nothing but blackness, actually present a world of delicious delights that any woman should be so lucky as to receive. His deepest embrace, his lightest kiss-It's all the same. It all makes you feel as if you soar. One touch is all it takes to consume your entire being.
Just one touch.
One touch, was definitely right. With the first touch from Angelus, I'd been on fire. The flames, even now-hours later, were still coursing through my veins and exploding in every corner of my skin. Oh God, would this day never end?
**
I could feel her hunger. Her desperation. It felt like my own. I knew though, that it was only a scratch to the surface of what I had felt, waiting all of these years to find her. So I knew that I needed to wait longer to teach her how much she needed me...But somehow, I couldn't resist.
The calling of her sweet lips...Her tantalizing kiss...Her perfect body...The soul of everything a mate should be...And the taste of her honeyed juices at the height of her passion. I could barely control myself just thinking about it.
So it was against my plans that I found myself outside of her bedroom at three AM, that night. I watched through the glass door that led to her balcony as she slept. The steady rhythm of her heart beat, was echoing through my mind, reminding me of just how innocent she really was.
It amazed me that she didn't stir at all while I watched her. It surprised me further when I put my hand on the handle of the door, that it was unlocked. So my precious had been hoping I'd come to her tonight, had she? I couldn't help thinking that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. If I couldn't resist her for a day, how on earth was I going to last eternity without giving her all the control?
**
I woke up, blinking my eyes slowly in the darkness, with the oddest sensation. It was good...But strange. Looking across the room, I realized why I felt this way. There was Angelus, looking directly at me from where he sat in the chair a few feet away, stretched out like a God. I smiled softly, still making no move to get up.
He stared at me for what seemed like ten minutes before he slid to his feet in a swift, graceful motion. He walked slowly towards the bed until he stood at the foot of the bed.
I sat up slowly, holding eye contact with him the entire time. The smile had faded from my face when I saw the intense expression he had on. My insides were churning, wondering when he was going to touch me...If he was going to touch me.
I knew I had to make some sort of move. Do something. I was more nervous than ever before, but I needed him to touch me. So I would do whatever it took. Parting my mouth slowly, I ran my tongue along my lower lip. He smirked, and I raised an eyebrow seductively. And that was all it took.
I found myself pushed back onto the bed by his massive frame, his lips devouring my own and his hands trailing to my hips to pull me even closer to him.
**Take me down, 6 underground, The ground beneath your feet. Laid out low, nothing to go Nowhere a way to meet.**
It was like something inside of me had snapped, and suddenly I couldn't get close enough. I gripped at his jacket and somehow slid it off of his huge body. Then I began to fumble with the buttons on his shirt, hoping that I could at least get to feel the perfect skin of this walking God. His tongue slid over mine, and tickled the rough of my mouth; sending shivers down my spine.
I felt so hot and he'd only just touched me. Somehow he got rid of the blankets between us. He began to trail his left finger over the top of my skin-colored bra. I moaned outwardly and finally managed to get his shirt unbuttoned. And then his chest was pressed against my own, and I could feel his cool skin. Oh this was exactly what I wanted. He could take me right here and now if he wanted, and I wouldn't care what happened tomorrow.
**I've got a head full of drought, Down here, so faroff losing out. Round here, Overground, watch this space, I'm open to falling from grace**
I could feel him hard against my thigh. The idea of him being aroused like this, made me tremble for so many reasons. I felt powerful. I felt scared. Confused. Nervous. Wanted. Desired. Passionate. I'd never felt all of these feelings together before this very moment. It was intense, but I loved it.
Reaching a hand down, I gripped his hard member through the leather of his pants. My bare legs felt sore from the leather of his pants rubbing against them, but I didn't care. He was removing my bra, and that was worth any pain. Detaching from my lips when my bra was off, he kissed his way down my jaw, to my neck. Lingering over my pulse for a few nipping, licking moments, he then moved down to my collarbone. Driving me crazy with frustration, I let out a moan.
He seemed to take the hint, because two seconds later he was kissing across the top of my left breast, and then reaching in to swirl his tongue over my nipple. A few strokes, and it was hard and pebbled. God I want him so much!
**Calm me down, bring it round, To way high off your street. I can see like nothing else, In me you're better than I wannabe.**
Angelus sat up on his knees, taking me with him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me up off the bed, keeping attached to my breast the whole time; continuing his delightful assault. Finally I sat up on my knees as well, pulling his head away from my chest and looking down into his dark eyes. I ran a finger along the side of his face, and whispered, "will you stay with me?"
"Not tonight," he smirked slightly and kissed me. "You know I can't."
"Why not?" I whispered, my voice almost breaking. I wanted him to stay. Forever. For a while. For the night. I'd take pretty much whatever I could get right now. I just wanted to be close to him. Skin to skin.
**Don't think cause I understand, I care, don't think 'cos I'm talking we're friends. Overground, watch this space, I'm open to falling from grace.**
"It's not in the plan for us," he whispered and kissed me again. "I can't stay the night. But I'll stay a moment." With that, he lowered me back downto the pillows, and braced himself by his hands on either side of my head to hold his full weight off of me. Smirking, he trailed a finger down the valley between my breasts. He lowered his head until it was next to mine. He grazed the shell of my ear with his tongue and whispered, "you don't know what you do to me."
I shivered at his words. He moved his leather-clad member between my spread thighs, and pressed against my throbbing center. I moaned loudly and opened my eyes to hold a gaze with him as he watched me.
There was something so incredibly sensual about being watched while he drove against me. Maybe it was that he could tell exactly how much I loved it. Or maybe it was that I couldn't hide from him now. Or maybe it was just that his eyes are so intense that you can't help but feel everything he does is sensual.
**Talk me down, safe and sound, Too strung up to sleep. Wear me out, scream and shout, Swear my time's never cheap.**
I reached a hand to the side of his face, and hesitantly pulled his face down to my own. I paused, and then kissed him. Nibbling on his lower lip gently, I smiled and kissed him again-deeper this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, loving the feeling of his bare chest against my own.
His hands cupped the side of my face, his thumbs caressing my cheek bones in the most loving way possible. As he sped up his thrusts, I got more and more needy for his kiss-making it deeper and deeper, harder and harder. He reached one hand down to my right nipple, pinching and twisting it to increase what I was feeling that much more. I was so close. So incredibly close. All I wanted was to come with him inside of me. But for now I had to settle for coming under his passionate, creative ministrations.
And then I came; exploding with lights flashing behind my eyes. I let out a scream of pleasure, releasing Angelus' lips from my own and clamping my eyes shut. I had to bite my lip to keep from going crazy, because with every twist of my nipple and every thrust of his hips; my pleasure was intensifying.
**I fake my life like I've lived, Too much, I take whatever you're given. Not enough, Over ground, watch this space, I'm open to falling from grace.**
Everything was a cloud after that. I remember him holding me. Caressing me. Telling me to sleep. But somewhere between then and the time I woke up the next morning, he left me again. I don't remember when, but when I opened my eyes to the sunshine, he wasn't there.
But then again, how could he be?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 3
The red rose on my pillow as I opened my eyes, made me smile into the soft white pillow beneath my head. And here I'd thought this was going to be an awful summer filled with nothing to do, and no one to meet.
Shutting my eyes again, my mind began to race and my heart rate accelerated with the memories from last night. The feeling of his cool skin pressed against my own, was so incredibly thrilling. The way he held me like I was a precious jewel, and seemingly wanted to deny his own pleasure for sake of the Big Moment of Completeness being so perfect and highly-anticipated, made me shiver.
I went downstairs like the morning before. This time dressed for going out to the mall in a pair of dark, low-riding jeans and a black halter. Even though all I wanted to do was hang around the house waiting to see Angelus again, I knew I had to get out of the house for a while before I got Cabin fever or something.
I made myself a cappuccino and checked the answering machine for messages. There was one.
Surprise. Surprise. It wasn't from my mother, but from Giles. I flipped open the latest edition of Cosmo as I listened, looking to spot a pair of cute shoes that maybe I'd want to look for.
"Buffy, it's me. Everything is going wonderful over here. I just thought I'd call to check in and see if you've burned down the estate yet. As I have found that the answering machine still works-and I doubt it would if the house was merely ashes-I am assuming that the house still stands, and you are merely out committing a crime or driving hormone-obsessing teenage boys out of their minds. Do enjoy the freedom, but please remember it's a luxury, not a right. Take care."
I frowned, "why does he always assume I'm off getting in to trouble?" I finished my cappuccino and set the cup in the sink.
Picking up my black purse, I stopped just before I reached the door, and turned to look around me. Maybe I should stay home. In case he calls? In case he comes over and finds me gone? In case he sends another package?
But no, I had to go shop. It was my therapy. It would help me think. Help me sort out all of these mixing, confusing emotions that were determined to repeatedly fly through my head at every second and mar whatever decision I had thought I'd reached.
**
I could feel her the moment she woke up. It surprised and unnerved me that she went out of the house. I'd thought for sure that she'd stay in again today, but I suppose I'd underestimated her need to be outside for a little while after days inside.
I knew I had to follow her. Had to keep her safe. What if someone happened to run into her in a dark alley? I couldn't bear the thought of her precious virtue being wasted on some crack head that decided to screw the wrong guy's girl. So taking the safest route possible (the tunnels under town) I followed her to the mall.
I crept along behind her, keeping out of eyesight though I'm sure she probably knew I was there. I watched her wander around, touching things that she passed and stopping to gaze in windows at what was on display inside. She looked so innocent, just like everyone else in that way. But though she was pure, she had a darkness inside of her that was only comparable to my own. She was perfect for me in every way, and now that I'd finally found her, I wasn't ever going to let her go again.
**
I felt strange as I looked through things. I figured it was for two different reasons. For one thing, I felt like Angelus was near, but every time I glimpsed behind me I saw nothing, so I was extremely confused about that. And for another thing, I felt like I was seeing a world through someone else's eyes. Like this mall was no longer a mall for me to shop in. It belonged to someone else.
I know. I know. It all sounds so crazy and you're probably rushing off to the nearest phone right now to call me a good psychiatrist, but I'm telling you the truth. Everything looks so different. It's like being inside a car, watching the world go by through the slightly foggy glass.
Finally deciding to 'force' myself into the way things should be when I'm at a mall with a credit card that has no limit, I went into the nearest clothing store and began picking things off the rack. Oddly enough, everything I seemed to pull off the racks and shelves was my size on the first try. That never happens. Usually I have to spend my minutes looking for a pair of pants in a size 2.
But today was different. Things made sense in my old world now that I wasn't an actual part of it. Of course…I'm not in my old world anymore. I'm just visiting it to hopefully get some new leather pants.
~~
I finished doing damage on my credit account and gave the woman at the cash register my address ay Giles' so that they could have all of my clothes shipped there tomorrow morning. This way I could go on about my shopping without being weighed down by the 8 or 10 bags filled with clothing.
Funny how much you can get done when you're not really paying attention.
I still felt like Angelus was near, but after looking around so much and still seeing nothing, I gave up and went into a nearby café for some dinner. It was already 5 pm. I'd done better than I'd hoped. The sun would be down any time now. And then maybe if I was lucky, I would be able to find Angelus. I wasn't going to just sit around and hoped that he came to me tonight. I was going to go looking for him, using the connection that we had that told me when he was close, to find him.
I ordered a drink, and was just about to look over the menu when my cell phone began to ring incessantly. I scurried through the contents of my purse to find it, and when I found it and looked at the ID of the caller, it said simply "Love". I rolled my eyes, knowing who it was immediately.
"Hey," I said in a girly, hopefully-sweet-sounding voice as I answered it.
"Did you know it was me?" came his voice.
I smiled softly and leaned forward on my elbows, propped on the table. "Of course I did. You've been following me, haven't you?" At his lack of response, I smiled and said, "I'll just take that as a yes, then."
"Did you have fun, love?" he asked in that tumbling voice of his.
I shrugged, "felt different, but I guess it was ok."
"Different?" He seemed to play with that concept in his mind. I waited to see what he had to say about it. Maybe he could explain why I'd been kicked out of my own world, left to watch it go by me and participate like a ghost that only a few people happen to notice. "You're not different, Buffy. Just realizing you don't belong…To them, at least."
"So maybe you can clear it up for me and tell me where I DO belong," I swiveled my back a bit to release the anticipation and tension that had decided to coil there throughout the last minute or so of my conversation with Angelus.
"You already know, Love. I wouldn't want to waste the look on your face when you find out. Save that for a time when I'm around," he said.
"You're leaving?" I asked as more of a statement than a question. I could feel him pulling away from me.
"You'll see me tonight, love," he assured me. "The cemetery. Midnight. Does that work for you?" Without giving me a chance to respond, he said, "good. I'll see you then, Lover."
"W-woah! Woah! Woah!" I stopped him from hanging up. "This town has a homicide rate of like one-a-day," I told him.
"You don't actually think that I'd let something happen to you, do you Buff?"
"No it's not that," I told him. "It's just that with statistics like that, it's only natural I guess that there are about 7 huge cemeteries in this place. It would be nice if you'd tell me which one to meet at instead of having me waiting in one, feeling stood up while you waited around, pissed off in another."
"Good point," he chuckled. "How's this? I'll come to whatever one you're in. It's all the same." And with that, he clicked off his phone.
~~
That night, I took my time preparing to see Angelus. I pulled my hair half-off my face, letting it fall around my back in slight waves that I hoped looked somewhat elegant-like the type of girl I imagined he would want me to become. I dressed the part as well. Some dark, fitted, low-riding jeans and a black top with long, lace sleeves and a low-cut neckline. My sexy, black stiletto shoes were a little impractical for wandering through the grass of a cemetery, but they were definitely worth it when I examined the entire ensemble in the mirror.
The night was warm. Surprisingly warm. But every now and then a cool breeze would sweep over my skin and excite my tense nerves. I couldn't feel Angelus, and that was making me even more nervous than I already was. It was safe to say that if so much as a leaf fell from the tree, I was going to jump right out of my skin.
Maybe he'd changed his mind and decided to make me 'wait'. Maybe this was all a test. Maybe he just didn't want me. Maybe…Maybe…Oh stop it. I tried to end my intensely nerve-wracking thoughts. It was useless. All I could do was stare directly ahead and hope that my mind would flick off.
Just then I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. My insides jumped as I thought that maybe it was Angelus…Suffice to say my insides were wrong.
It wasn't Angelus at all. It was a man in a mask…An army mask. What the Hell? Right before I could say anything or even have a chance to react enough to realize what was happening, I was surrounded by 4 military-looking men, all dressed in kaki and big ugly boots. What was slightly more unnerving, was the guns they all had pointed directly at my chest. The red laser dots from the aimers on each gun, were flittering around my heart-area. I looked down at them in surprise, my hands held up in submission.
"Ma'am, Can we ask what you're doing out here so late at night?" Came one soldier's voice, sounding like he was trying to disguise it by making it lower than nature ever intended for it to be.
"Shopping." I offered bluntly, wondering if that would work.
"Shopping?" the man repeated in a question, obviously thinking that either I'd escaped my padded room in the nearest asylum, or that I was a threat to National Security or something. "Ma'am, what are you shopping for in the middle of a graveyard at midnight?"
"A tombstone?" I frowned. My story was sounding worse and worse with every breath I took. Every time I opened my mouth, I was sounding more and more like Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted.
"A tombstone, Ma'am? What for?" The soldier was undoubtedly starting to get a little irritated by the story that I assumed he had probably guessed to be a lie. I could feel the grip of each soldier tightening on the trigger of their extremely-lethal-looking guns. But I could feel something else too. Something familiar. The soldier repeated his question, "A tombstone for what, Ma'am?"
"It's probably for you," came his voice.
Everyone-myself included-whirled around to see Angelus standing a few feet away, leaning casually against a tree with his arms crossed. He looked so delicious, as always, in his long dark leather jacket, black leather pants, and black silk shirt-open at the caller, exposing a few inches of his delicious skin.
"Vampire!" Each soldier shouted individually as the made that realization.
"Angelus," I smiled, whispering his name softly to myself. His eyes locked with my own and he smirked, "Hey baby. Been waiting long?" There was a moment of silence. Just a moment. A second. Maybe less. And then the soldier that had spoke to me before, made the command, "Fire!" And all of the guns began to shoot.
I screamed, terrified of the idea that they might have gotten Angelus. But I couldn't see him anymore. I stepped back a few feet and waited to see what would happen. Ceasing their fire, the soldiers looked all around. "Did anyone hit the target?!" another soldier yelled out.
"Negative! Target has not been hit."
"So where the Hell is it?" The original soldier queried. "Did anybody see where he went?" At the lack of response, the soldier suggested, "grab the girl. She obviously knows him. Might have been turned."
Then there was a blur of blackness, and Angelus dove down from the tree he had been perched on just above the group of military men. He flew into action, throwing one soldier to the ground with force, and delivering a roundhouse kick to another that sent the man flying backwards and into a tree.
"There will be no taking," he said, approaching the original solder that I'd spoken to as the poor man fumbled to reload his gun. Finally getting it loaded, he aimed it at Angelus, who was a mere foot and a half away now. Angelus simply reached out and twisted the barrel of the gun back, breaking the gun in half. Tossing the useless weapon away, he then delivered a quick punch into the man's head, which he followed with a knee into the stomach.
The first soldier he'd touched, was on his feet now, ready for the next battle. And the fourth soldier that had yet to be touched, was also readying himself to attack Angelus. But being the fighter that he was, Angelus was ready. He intercepted the punch of one, and took a bullet from the other, stopping a moment to regain his senses before he grabbed the soldier that had fired the gun, and snapped his neck. The other soldier was tossed effortlessly against a tree, falling to the ground in a pathetic heap of green kaki and useless weapons.
The soldier that had spoken to me before, was still somewhat standing. Seeing he could not win against Angelus, he ran to me and grabbed me from behind before I had a chance to get away. He pulled a knife and held it to my throat, ceasing all of my effort to throw him away from me.
Angelus turned to face us, and froze where he was. "You're not going to do that," he told the soldier.
"Oh ya? You think so? Well watch me! Fuckingwell watch me!" He held the knife closer into my neck, to the point where I felt the blade of the edge of the blade pressing deeply into my skin.
Angelus let out a low growl, the first animalistic sound I'd ever head him make. "If you break the skin on her, I'll be over there into your neck before her blood even begins to drop. So do yourself a favor. Let her go, and run…Run."
"I still think I'd like to find out," the soldier said, going against the - what I would have called - 'good advice' that Angelus gave. He didn't let me go, only tightened his grip on my arms as he held me.
I felt tears threatening to spill over as the fear overtook me. I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready. There was so many things I had yet to accomplish…Yet to do…Yet to feel. Oh God, I haven't even had sex! I can't die a virgin! This isn't fair!
But as the blade slipped into my skin, it dawned on me that I might not have that choice. I couldn't even scream as the pain slid through my body. As sure as he'd promised, Angelus was on top of the soldier before I'd even begun to bleed. And after draining the man as he still stood, Angelus gathered me into his arms just before I fell to the ground.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to verbally express how much pain I was in. But I was afraid that if I screamed, I'd make the wound worse.
**
I was in shock. All I wanted to do was inspect her neck and make sure that she was alright. But I knew better than to simply lay her down where we were standing. I had to get her away from here. Away from those men before they woke up. If they woke up with us still there, I wouldn't be able to leave her side to fight. I knew that for certain. My loyalties would lay on her life rather than my own.
So I ran with her, holding her as close as possible. She was still breathing, though her heart beat was ragged and unsteady. I suspected the off-heart beat was due to the fear and shock she was probably in, but I was scared about it just the same. If worse came to worse, I knew I could always turn her.
But I so didn't want to take her innocence just yet. I wanted her to keep that fire. That life. That perfection and sunshine…Even for just a little while longer.
I took her into the woods and scanned the area to ensure that we were nowhere near a living (or non-living) being of any kind, and then I laid her down, taking off my jacket to lay it down beneath her to protect her from the suddenly cold ground. I kneeled next to her, running my hands down her face and trying to convince her to move her hands from her neck. "Baby, let them down. I need to see it."
Finally she agreed to it, and lowered her hands to her stomach. I slid my fingers down her neck, tilting her head backwards so that I had a clearer view of the wound. It was there, and it wasn't small. But thankfully it hadn't hit any major veins. The jugular was perfectly in tact. I leaned over her and pressed a soothing kiss to her open cut, licking the blood that surrounded it and trying my best to close it.
It took every spare ounce of self-restraint that I had to keep myself from taking another sip of her precious, honeyed blood that I found to taste better than I had ever been able to imagine.
"Buff?" I questioned, wondering if she would speak. "Buff, baby, speak to me. Are you okay?"
"I got my neck slit open, how do you think I am?" she frowned, reaching her arms up for me.
I smiled softly and pulled her into my arms, holding her tight. "Thought maybe I'd lost you there for a second." I took a moment to just shut my eyes and remember this moment, and then I said, "those Initiative bitches are getting closer and closer each time. I don't know what the Hell I'm going to do about them."
**
"Initiative?" I wondered out loud. "Angelus, what's that?" I looked up into his eyes with confusion marring my features.
"Nothing that you need to worry about, love," he smirked that sexy adorable smirk that I'd die if he ever showed to some other girl again. "Shall I take you home now? Or would you prefer to stay in the woods?" He looked all around us at the trees, bushes, and dirt that we were hidden in.
I smiled softly, feeling tired. "Only if you swear to come with me…And stay this time for more than a kiss."
His fingers trailed down to the top of my pants and slipped beneath the fabric to slide around on my bare skin tantalizingly. Leaning down to press his lips against my own, he whispered, "You know I can't leave you…Unsatisfied."
~~
It didn't take long for Angelus to be completely assured that my neck was going to be fine. But as a precaution, he still insisted on being gentle with me. It was driving me damn near insane to be so close and to receive only feather- light touches when he kissed me or touched my breasts.
He encouraged me to fall asleep in his arms as we laid together on a huge, burgundy-colored couch in the parlor near the warm fireplace. Angelus had lit a fire to relax me and warm me, worrying about the possibility of my catching a chill…Something I considered highly unlikely since he was already keeping me so warm just by being near to me.
When I woke up a few hours later, I felt safer than I'd ever felt in my entire life. Miraculously, Angelus was still there…Still holding me. He was on his back on the couch, cradling me on his chest. I blinked slightly and then looked down into his eyes. I smiled softly. My mind began to think about all of the incredible things he had been able to do to me so far…To my body. But as far as I could tell, he wasn't getting any of the satisfaction that I was at this point. That thought got to me. I wanted him to feel the things at my hands, that I found myself feeling at his.
He looked into my eyes with those dark orbs that held the truth of the world but no readable thoughts. "Angelus," I whispered, my voice cracking. He didn't say anything in response, but merely gazed at me. Gathering my courage I asked, "Can I touch you?" At his smirk and the fire that lit through his eyes, I knew what his answer was.
I pulled myself up onto all fours standing over him, and slid my fingers to the buttons of his shirt. I was so afraid. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I was going to make him feel the pleasure that I had felt every time he'd tended to my satisfaction and denied his own.
Opening his shirt entirely, I slid my hands over his rock-solid abs. I could feel his gaze upon me, so intense and scrutinizing that I felt like I was naked for him to inspect as he wished. There was a fire between my thighs that I couldn't contain. With every passing second, I was burning up.
My fingers slid down to his pants. Taking my time, I undid them, being careful not to mess up and appear like the bumbling, inexperienced child that I so didn't want him to associate with me when we were doing anything remotely sexy.
Drawing him out of the tight leather confines of his pants, I had to work to stifle the gasp that almost came out of my lips. My friends and I had seen one in a movie once or twice, and of course in books…But never so close…And never one quite so large as the one that Angelus possessed. I was instantly afraid, and all I wanted was to put it back where I'd gotten it…But then I realized how strong my desire to please him was, and I decided against running from the room in fear. I could feel his eyes on me; watching me so intently that I worried perhaps he could see right through me.
I lowered my head, and pressed my lips to it hesitantly. I swear I heard a low sound creep out of Angelus' lips, but I didn't want to look up to find out for sure. I licked the tip, tasting the skin around the end and finding it not to be quite as unpleasant as I'd always thought the taste would be before today.
I slowly gathered my courage and began to explore the length of Angelus' rod. I licked along the underneath, suck the tip, and swirled my tongue in a circular motion along the edges. Then finally, I attempted to swallow him down. There was so much of him, and it was all so hard that I couldn't get too far. I'd heard thought that if when you want to gag - you suck in - then you can take more in your mouth. So as soon as I felt my gagging reflexes jump at the chance to push him out of my mouth, I instinctively swallowed and took him in deeper.
**
The hot, inviting mouth of my sweet lover was beckoning my orgasm forward. I was so close to the edge already, having been hard for hours just by being near to her. I didn't know how much longer I could last as she continued to suck, nip, lick, and massage me with a beginner's hesitation and a pro's skill. All I could think about, was how much sweeter it would be to be inside of her when I came…That fantasy, topped with my fangs in her neck and my hands on her breasts, was taking me closer and closer to the peak.
But no, I knew those things would have to wait for now.
Focusing on the perfect reality I was existing in now, I felt her begin to squeeze the base of my shaft each time that she lowered her head to push me back inside of her deliciously hot, little mouth.
I groaned her name again and again, unable to keep quiet anymore. God, did she even know what she was doing to me? Did she know how much power she had right now? I was feeling pleasures in my body and my mind that I hadn't felt for centuries…Or ever, actually. This intense ecstasy that she was showing me was more than I could remember ever feeling before tonight.
Then all of a sudden it happened. I peaked; shouting her name in a breathless groan as I shot my cool seed down her throat, which to my surprise she swallowed eagerly with a contented moan of her own.
**
The taste of his cum was salty and tangy, but not at all unpleasant. My mind was whirling with the experience of making Angelus cum. It was something I'd never actually thought I'd have the power to do. The simple knowledge that I'd reduced him to mush by my ministrations (timid as they might have been) was enough to send me to Cloud Nine, and keep me floating there for a lifetime.
I licked him clean, and finally turned my head upwards to look into his face. He was smirking at me in the most delightful way imaginable. He pulled me back up his chest to kiss my lips. Flipping us so that I was beneath him on the couch, he whispered, "I knew you'd be worth the wait."
Smiling softly, I kissed him back with nervous anticipation. What would happen next? I had absolutely no idea. But whatever it was, it was going to be a blast. That was definitely a stated fact.
He licked his tongue over my lips, tasting the remains of himself on me and smiled again. I began to blush from embarrassment. He knew everything I was. I was certain of that. And he would probably mold what I would become.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The song used is sang by Jessica Simpson, called "Forever In Your Eyes". It belongs to her, her record label, and whoever wrote it.
Part 4
Feeling Angelus' heavy weight on me, I couldn't help smiling as he kissed his way down my neck to lay a gentle caress on the rapidly closing wound, with his tongue. "I'm never going to let you go, Buffy," he raised his head to look down into my eyes. "But there needs to be a reason for you to want be other than passion. You have to obsess over me like I do for you. You have to need me. I'd die a million deaths for a look in to your eyes. And as much as I want to take you away from here…I won't do that until I know you'd die a million times for me."
He moved off of me and stood up, offering me a hand to help me to my feet as well. I accepted the hand he offered, and he pulled me flush against his body. I felt a wave of disappointment washing over me. I was terrified about the thought of him leaving. I wanted him to stay so badly.
He could tell what I was wishing from the look in my eyes, and he smiled slightly. Placing a finger on my pouting lips, he said, "don't worry, Buff. You know I'll be back. I'll be back again and again…" he leaned to whisper in my ear in a hot voice, "until you want me so much that you'd kill for a taste of me."
My eyes fluttered shut, and I took a deep breath; trying with all my might to gather some form of composure. "You're so sure of yourself," I whispered in a faint-teasing tone (barely able to manage a tone at all).
He chuckled softly, "you will be too, in a hundred years, Buff." At my surprised look, he smiled softly, "I won't ever hide my plans for you, my dear. I fully intend to turn you one day. Just not right now. For now…like I said…I want you, to want me." With that, he laid a tender kiss to my lips. And before I had a chance to respond with a kiss of my own; his lips were gone.
I opened my eyes and looked up into his eyes, "do you have to go?" I asked in a childish voice that I couldn't seem to contain.
"For now," he whispered, and kissed me again. As the kiss left, so did Angelus. But before he left, he told me one more thing: "You know how to find me."
~~
It was almost sunrise as I lounged in a hot bath. I had filled the water with a rose oil to relax me. It was working quite well. My hair was piled on the top of my head in a messy bun, little pieces hanging down everywhere. I shut my eyes and ran a hand down my leg as I recalled my time with Angelus tonight. Every moment was so passionate. So intense. How would I ever find a way to match his passion with my own? That was the question, as I knew that was what I would have to do in order for Angelus to see me as 'ready' for leaving with him.
But there was another question…Angelus made it clear that he wanted to take me away from here. Away from my life. The question was…where would we be going? And what would we do when we got there? I wanted to know all of his plans, but it was clear that I wouldn't know details until the day that he thought I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.
God knows I want him. I want him so much it hurts. So another question arises of…just how much does he want me? I can't even imagine wanting him more than I already do, but he seems to think that I'm quite capable of a deeper desire.
I raised a hand to my neck, and felt my wound through the light bandaging I had secured over it before my bath. If it was so dangerous to simply meet Angelus one night, how dangerous would my life be if he became my entire world? Oh dear God, I didn't care how dangerous things got. All I wanted, was Angelus. Danger, be damned. He was all I needed to get by.
**
Laying awake in bed, I stared up at the black ceiling. My mind was clouded with thoughts that made it impossible to close my eyes and go to a vampire's form of sleep.
How was I supposed to wait? She was all I could think of. It had been this way for over a century. Now that she was so close, did I really have to wait for her to love me as much as I love her before I take her? Can't I simply take her away now, and in time her desire will build to the amount of my own? No. She needs to want me. She needs to feel like she would kill for me. She needs to give up everything, for me…as I will, for her.
I tried to convince myself that a day or two would be long enough. A day or two with no contact. Nothing at all. I wouldn't even follow her in the unlikely event that she left the mansion. I'd simply stay where I was, and exist. I wouldn't think. I wouldn't brood. I wouldn't dream. I'd exist as I had for the last century and a half before I'd found her; patiently waiting.
Easier said, then done. I assure you.
How long could I last? Until she broke. I had to wait until she broke to the point of near- desperation. As a mortal, I didn't think it would take her so long. A day or two, at the most. And if she didn't break like I planned her to…
**
I slipped in to my cold bed. All day today, I had slept. And when I woke up around 5, I'd thought for sure that Angelus would come to me like he had every other evening. But the hours passed, and all I felt was the cold loneliness in the realization that he wasn't coming…at least, not tonight.
~~
But then tomorrow comes, and all day I waited. I thought that perhaps he would come to me now, having waited a day to let me rest. I made sure that when dusk rolled around; I was ready. I dressed in faded, hip-hugging jeans and a royal blue peasant top. And I waited.
And I waited.
The hours passed, and still there was no sign of Angelus…anywhere. Not a call. Not a note. Not a package. Not a word. I began to wonder if he had just been a dream in my head. But no dream had ever made me feel so alive, so I dismissed that thought as absurd.
I lay awake in bed around 2 in the morning, wondering if maybe I had done something wrong. Maybe he'd seen right through my attempts to sound mature, and realized that I wasn't the prize he had waited for. Maybe he was already long gone by now, and I was so foolish in my childish wishes that I just couldn't see him saying 'goodbye'. Or maybe he's testing me. Testing my dedication.
I prayed with all I was, that this was all just some horrible test.
~~
Tomorrow came and went. No surprises. No changes. Nothing. Not even a word from Angelus. I lay awake at night, crying over the pain I felt at the loss of what I'd had for such a brief time. Quietly at first, and then a little more. I tried to get him off of my mind. I tried to let it go.
Was this the longing that he sought me to feel? Was this the intense yet unfulfilled feelings of need and desire and love that Angelus wanted me to experienced, just as he had? It had been three days since I'd seen his face…felt his kiss…his touch. And already, it felt like an eternity of torment. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on to my sanity. Every moment, my heart would ache. I tried to console myself with the thought that it only hurt when I breathed…
If only I wasn't breathing.
~~
I tried to go out, the next day. I tried to see what the world had to offer me. If Angelus really had left me, I needed to know that there was something left for me to fall back on and experience. I needed to know that he wasn't all that I had left. But in a very short time, I had learned that he indeed was all that I had…and all that I wanted. It was great to wish for a life of luxury and fun and friends…but none of that mattered to me now.
All that mattered, was Angelus.
The streets were crowded and noisy in a way that I didn't remember them to be. Usually I had loved the dull roar of people in the background while I shopped or explored the world. Now I found it too loud. Too painful for my ears to take. With little regret, I admitted defeat and headed back to the mansion.
It was so cold without him. Four days. Four days of absolutely nothing. No life. No passion. No fire. I bet you're getting pretty tired of hearing about my lack of completion. My despair and longing for anything that resembled the warmth and fire that I experienced every time that Angelus came near me.
Trust me, I'm tired of hearing me complain too.
~~
One week.
How could he leave me alone for an entire week? If he wanted me the way he claimed to, wouldn't it be hard for him to stay away? As hard as it was for me to breathe, knowing that he was out there somewhere, and that my life was being wasted on nothingness when I could be in his arms.
I tried with every waking second, to tell myself that this test would be over soon…And that a test, was all that this was. But nothing worked. Nothing calmed me down. I felt like I was constantly panicked; always late for something, but not knowing what. It's like when you're waiting for the most important phone call of your life, and someone else is on the phone. You just want to scream at them to "Hurry Up!" lest you go crazy waiting, and tear the phone out of their hands.
Maybe I was already crazy. But this anticipation was driving me insane. He didn't really expect me to wait as long as he had, did he? Because if that was the plan…I wasn't sure that I could do it. I'd lose my entire reason for being while waiting…not to mention the fact that I can't exactly live hundreds of years to wait, just like he did. Humans tend to have a much shorter life span than the immortal…Being as it is that the immortals don't have one.
It was fitting that a storm was raging outside. Lightning crashes and wild thunderbolts of terror and pain shrieked through the sky like there was no tomorrow. The rain wouldn't stop falling. It was so dark outside. So depressing. There was nothing left to color the skies but the bitter cold that came along with each stretch of lightning. It felt like a dagger inside my chest every time it cracked.
I clawed at my sheets as I tried to sleep; praying for some sort of relief from this pain. There was no drug and no death that could send me to the brink of my breaking point like Angelus' absence so effortlessly could. Sweat drenched my body as I tossed and turned in the heat. It was too cold to be feeling so hot. Was it desire that I was feeling, or burning rage? Whatever it was, I couldn't take it anymore.
The thunder. The rain. The lightning. The absence of Angelus. It was all too much for me to deal with. I was dropping here. Falling into a pit of what looked like Hell without Angelus in it.
I couldn't stand another moment of this incessant torture. Damn it, it had only been a week! How could I be losing it after just one week? I needed him. I needed him. I'd say it again and again until I felt him near me. I needed him with all that I had. All that I was. All that I'd be.
I leapt from the bed, sending the sheets flying to the floor. I didn't even bother to adjust my short, black silk nightgown. I threw open the doors to my bedroom balcony and stepped in to the pouring rain. The thunder clapped over my head, and I tried to stay calm. But it was no use. I had to do this. I couldn't turn back and save my pride. I had nothing left to give but my pride. After all…it was my stubbornness and refusal to give up what was left of my past, that was putting me through this Hell of Angelus being gone.
Now it had to go. My past had to leave to make way for my future. Angelus. He was the only future I'd ever dream of again…and he was the future that I was going to have. No matter what the cost.
"I can't feel you," I said in a choked voice as the tears began to fall; mixing with the raindrops on my cheeks. I dropped to my knees and looked up towards the sky. "You can't do this to me now," I whispered. "Not when I need you the most."
I wanted to feel a change. I wanted to feel that he was near to me. But I felt nothing but the driving cold. I rocked back and forth through the cold rain. I needed to feel his arms around me, soothing me and telling me that he'd never leave my side. It was strange how he only ever promised those things when he was with me. Whenever he was gone, he made no promises of eternity. Just wishes of passion and longing.
Now I needed him more than ever.
"Why can't I feel you?" I whispered out loud. "Why won't you come to me now? I can't stand this pain…I can't stand living without you."
And then I saw a blur of movement. A large, dark blur of some kind…but a blur of something nonetheless. And before I could blink even once, he was standing in front of me. There he was; looking as gorgeous and perfect as ever. The man I had been searching for in my dreams every night. The man that I had been whispering my secrets to all day long for an entire week.
The man that haunted my past and engaged in my present like no one else ever could. Angelus stood before me; as drenched to the bone as I was. He seemed to be panting, as if he had heard my call from wherever he was, dropped everything, and came running as fast he could to find me. I stood slowly, hoping to God that this wasn't a dream or a fantasy…Or a hallucination brought on by the pneumonia I was probably catching by standing out in the rain, barely dressed. I didn't want to move too quickly, afraid that he might disappear with any sudden movements.
"You're here?" I tried to make it a statement, but it came out as more of a question than something that I knew for a fact to be true.
He stepped up to me and cupped my face in his huge hands. "I told you, you just had to call for me," he whispered into my lips, and captured my mouth for a kiss that felt like a wave of relief. It was that type of relief that you feel on a really hot day when a cool breeze suddenly sweeps over your entire body for just long enough to cool you down and save you from yourself.
Angelus swept me up into his arms, and into the bedroom out of the rain. Laying me down gently on the bed, he moved to cover me, shucking off his long leather jacket to the floor so that he could maneuver a little better.
Kissing him with as much power and passion as I could manage to let out without melting from the heat, I ran my hands over his strong back through the wet fabric of his long-sleeved, black shirt. God, he was so perfect! I reached a hand underneath the thin layer of clothing to feel his cool skin underneath my hands. Hooking a leg up over his hips, it didn't bother either of us that I wasn't wearing any panties and that my dripping sex was no rubbing all over his leather pants. It was cold against my skin for a moment. But only a moment. Then I was hot again.
Angelus growled his satisfaction with the way things were going, and ground his throbbing erection down onto my center through the confining fabric of his pants. I didn't know where he wanted to take this. I needed him so much. I would settle for just his kiss, but I wanted so much more right now. Right now, I was hungry for every inch of him. I wanted to hold him to me and never let go. I wanted him to become a part of me. A part of me, that could never leave.
I parted from his lips to catch my breath, and we joined our foreheads together. I shut my eyes tightly as I ground up against him once again.
He moaned and whispered into my lips, "I want to take you now, lover. You can feel that just by being in the same room as me. And I know now that you will follow where I lead."
I nodded, kissing his lips to confirm what I was agreeing to. He leaned his head down to nuzzle my neck, and then whispered, "soon, my love. Soon we will leave this Hell. But for now…we have tonight…we have each other." Looking into my eyes he whispered, "do you want to share this night with me? Make it our own?"
I smiled one of my first real smiles around Angelus, and kissed his lips teasingly, "I do."
**Eyes like fire, burn desire As we dance away into the night**
It had been harder for me. That, I was sure of. I didn't think it would take her so long to give in and call out for me the way she had done just now. But it had taken her an entire week. An entire week of torture and pain equivalent to the rest of the time I'd spent waiting for her. Now that she was here, in my arms, and determined to be my own for eternity - I wanted to spend the night claiming her. Again…
And again.
Her lips called my tongue forward, and I slid a hand up her thigh; damp from the rain. This short night gown she was wearing was barely an obstacle, and I had it lifted over her head in no time at all.
**This attraction fuels a passion That's just too strong for us to try and fight**
Parting our lips for just a moment to rid her of the silk material, I kissed her again. As the kiss increased in passion, she reached her tiny fingers to pull on my shirt. I helped her get it off of me so she could feel my bare chest against her own. When she moved to undo the top button of my leather pants, I moved her hands away, wanting time to get her ready for what was going to happen between us.
She protested for just a moment, trying once again with my zipper. But instead I pinned her hands up over her head and began to kiss my way down her neck. Taking my time to lay soothing kisses over the forming scar on her neck from the slash a week ago that had healed almost entirely, I moved down to her chest.
Latching my lips over one pert nipple, I couldn't help but mentally congratulate myself on finding her, once again. After all this time of dreaming and imagining what she would be like, and what she would feel like…I couldn't have imagined a better reality. She was gorgeous in every way. Small. Balanced. Slim. And her skin was soft and young. I knew that she'd stay gorgeous throughout the years of being a vampire. She was just young enough to turn now and have her remain firm and young-looking forever.
**Each moment we're together, I just never want to end. Cause I could never feel this way again.**
Teasing her nipples with my lips and my fingers until they were hard, I continued down her body with kisses. Trailing my tongue over her firm stomach, she twisted as I tickled her navel with my tongue.
Finally positioned between her legs, I pressed a light kiss to her mound. I looked up into her eyes. She was watching me closely, wondering what I was going to do. I slid my hands down her smooth thighs, and lifted them over my shoulders. Then I took a taste of her; licking her from front to back. She shivered under my ministrations and let out a pleased gasp of, "Angelus!"
I slid my tongue into her hot center. She was so hot, and so wet. The heat was intoxicating. I tried to build it firmly into my memory, for it wouldn't so hot here forever. Soon she would carry no temperature. Like me.
I held her ass firmly, pulling her closer to my mouth as I began to rhythmically suck and lick at her clit. She began moaning into my mouth, and squirming against me. I growled to keep her in place, the vibrations of the growl going straight through her and making her all the more excited.
** Cause nothing else has ever felt so right, To feel your body lying next to mine. As the rhythm of your heart beats through me, all through the night. I never thought I'd ever realize, a love that feels so close to paradise. I could spend my whole life living…Forever in your eyes **
In a matter of moments, I was coming in Angelus' mouth. He held my steady as he licked me clean, keeping me on the edge for over a minute before he finally let me topple over the edge and fall into ecstasy. I let out a scream of delight that matched the crashing thunder outside. Dropping my head back onto the pillows, I expected Angelus to come back up to me. I was so new to this, and already I wasn't sure if I could take it much longer if he stayed down there. I wanted him so much, but the pleasure was just too much.
And then he slid one of his long fingers inside of me, and I wanted to die. "Oh," was all I could say as he drew it out of me and inserted it again, all the while licking my folds. The thunder continued to crash and the lightning continued to strike. Again and again he moved his finger in and out; driving me out of my mind.
I felt myself climbing again to make that fall. Climbing so high. My breath was coming in short pants and I could barely contain myself. But it was all so much. I tried to move away from his lips and finger. Just a little space. Space to calm down. Space to breathe. But space was the one thing that he would not let me have right now. He growled into my skin and pulled me closer.
The thunder crashed. He continued to growl into my skin, now doing it simply because it made me feel like heaven. He knew I had no intention of leaving, but he continued to growl just the same. The low vibrations, the thunder crashing…Lightning struck outside and behind my eyes as I exploded all around him. Screaming his name at the top of my lungs, I felt my release shoot through me everywhere. Satisfying me more than ever.
**Lips so tender, I surrender, Every thing I am is yours alone. Cause when you touch me, all that I see, Are feelings that my heart has never known.**
Finally Angelus moved up my body. Only when I felt him hard, pressing against my thigh did I realize that during the time that it took me to come down from my high, he had rid himself of his leather pants. I looked up into his dark eyes, and he smirked down at me. He positioned himself at my center, and kissed me.
I could taste myself in his mouth. Salty, but not at all unpleasant. Whoever said it was, had really never experienced the taste from Angelus' lips. He nibbled on my upper lip as we parted from the kiss. And then he held my eye-contact. Bracing himself just above me on his forearms, he moved to enter me. I took a deep breath, trying to make myself breathe…But instead I found myself holding it.
**You're all I ever dreamed of, You're my every fantasy, Whoever thought an angel could bring heaven here to me.**
This was it. The moment I had waited centuries to experience. Finally I would feel the completion of being with Her. Being with the one that I'd waited lifetimes to find. I stroked my hand across the side of her face, making her breathe again. And then I moved forward. Kissing her deeply, I began to rub her chest in slow, methodical movements. For every inch I moved in, I made sure to stop and kiss her for as long as it took to get her to totally relax again.
God she was so wet. And so tight. A virgin these days, was not an easy thing to come by. 200 years ago, it was an experienced woman that was hard to come by. Now, the gift of chastity was something that one often didn't experience…especially from the person that they love with their entire being.
It took all my patience to keep from thrusting forward. I had to remember that this moment was one to be cherished. A vampire had the tendencies to take things for granted. This was a gift that I did not intend to waste.
**
I was glad that he was moving slowly as pain shot through me between my legs. I was coaching myself into a breathing rhythm, and bracing myself for the next bit of pain. Breathe. Brace. Breathe. Brace.
**Cause nothing else has ever felt so right, To feel your body lying next to mine, As the rhythm of your heart beats through me, all through the night. I never thought I'd ever realize, A love that feels so close to paradise, I could spend my whole life living…Forever in your eyes.**
And then he was entirely inside of me. He stopped and looked down into my eyes, pushing my damp hair from my face so that he could see me entirely. "You know I'd give up everything for you," he leaned down to whisper in my ear in a hot voice that just made me wetter. Every word he spoke was making me so wet. So ready for what came next.
"You're so wet," he growled and nipped at my earlobe. Tonguing it tenderly, he continued to speak, "So beautiful. So perfect. I've waited an eternity for this moment. This moment of being insane of you. Claiming you. You are mine now, Buff. Forever, and after. When the clutches of Hell reach to earth, you and I will remain together. And when this world finally ends, we'll still be holding each other." He paused and then in a low voice he whispered, "just imagine the pleasure we can have with centuries of being together. I can make you cum over a million times."
When finally he drew out of me and thrust forward again, he had me so wet from his words that I barely even noticed the pain at all. And the pain that I did notice was quickly eased from my mind by Angelus licking my neck.
Kissing me passionately, he continued to pull out and push in. He developed a slow but steady rhythm that was hitting us both in all the right spots. I moaned into his mouth as the last remnants of pain faded and all that was left was hot, molten pleasure as his thick rod stroked every nerve ending in time to the rapid beating of my heart.
**You're the one my heart beats for, You're my everything and more. It's a burning love I can't seem to ignore.**
I could feel it again. I was climbing this cliff. Or more or less being pulled up the edge by Angelus. He was determined to pleasure me. It was obvious in the way that he was moving so slowly despite the look of complete rapture in his eyes. I knew he wanted faster. Harder. But he was holding himself back to make sure that I felt it first before he did. Then he would join me.
**
I could feel the tell-tale signs of her orgasm. She was panting. She was moaning. And with every stroke, she seemed to be fighting for control. And then her inner muscles began to clench in sign of her pleasure, and she screamed my name, moaning it in the back of her throat and pulling my head down for a kiss.
As soon as I felt her completely tip off, I began my assault. Plunging into her with an increasing strength, she shot her eyes open in alarm. Perhaps she had thought that I would remain slow this entire time. But I was determined to show her that more power brought more pleasure. Her mouth opened and she gasped slightly at the new sensations of being sent from one orgasm to the next without having time to calm down.
**Cause all the things I feel inside, Are too strong for me to hide, baby. And I need you by my side. Cause I could live forever in your eyes. **
I felt my own pleasure mounting. I was so close to my climax, and I wanted her there with me again. That first time I came inside her was going to be magical in its own right. I slid a hand between us and began to stroke her little nubbin in time with my thrusts. I couldn't contain a slight growl as my head dropped to her neck.
**
Was he going to bite me? I wondered to myself. Did I want him to? Yes was the answer, and it surprised me. I never thought I'd favor blood play when it came to making love…or anything else, for that matter. I could feel his face changing as his pace sped up once again. I looked into his vampire face. I had seen it before, but never quite so close. It alarmed me how defined his features really were in this state.
But then I lost all thought as I started to cum once again. Angelus growled into my neck and sped up that little bit more. And then I could feel him cum as well. His seed shot inside of me as he growled my name into my neck. His razor-sharp fangs descended onto my skin, and just before he could break the skin…he stopped.
**
No. No. This can't be.
A pain began to shoot through my chest, and I saw a flash of light so fast that I knew Buffy's eyes had not detected it. It wasn't lightning. And the breaking that I was hearing, wasn't thunder. I knew what this pain was. It was ancient.
** I never thought I'd ever realize, A love that feels so close to paradise. I could spend my whole life living, forever in your eyes.**
He let out a yell as his normal face returned, and he shot away from me. I sat up instantly, wondering what on earth was going on. He continued to growl as he stumbled off the bed to the floor. "Angelus!" I shrieked, clutching the sheets to my chest and following him to the floor. He backed away from me though; looking at me as if he didn't understand anything.
"What is it?" I asked, wondering if perhaps I had done something wrong. But no, by one look at his frightened features I could tell that this had nothing to do with me. I had seen Angelus take on a fight with things much larger than anything I'd ever imagined, and at those times he hadn't looked afraid of anything. But now he looked terrified.
"What?" I begged for an answer, trying to get close again. He backed away towards the doors to the balcony. "It's…It's…" he looked to me as he stumbled out into the rain. "I know this pain," he gasped as the rain began to soak him from where he was on his hands and knees on the floor. I saw a flash of light from his chest, and then lightning struck the ground underneath the balcony, causing a nearby tree to erupt into flames. I took my eyes off Angelus for a moment to look to the burning tree. And when I returned my gaze to my strained lover…
He was knelt forward with his head on the ground; panting though he didn't need to breathe. "A- Angelus," I inched closer and reached a hand cautiously to his shoulder. He shot up to look me straight in the face. For a moment I thought he was alright. And then his face twisted with a look of pure agony. Not physical pain though. The look of horror. Of being appalled with yourself for something.
And then he fell forward and collapsed with his head in my lap.
**
I collapsed into her lap. I knew who she was. She was the Saving Grace that I had been promised while trapped in Hell. But now here she was…And the memories of my time as Angelus came rushing back to me in a tidal wave. People killed. Maimed. Ruined. Tortured. Raped.
It was all because of me.
I began to cry, sobbing into her lap as she tried to comfort me. She had no idea what was going on. She was confused. I could feel that. But more than her confusion, I could feel the pain of the thousands I had murdered.
I was back…but how could I expect this precious angel to want me after what I've done?
**Forever in your eyes **
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 5
I tried like crazy to keep my mouth from dropping in total shock at Angelus' actions. Angelus knew how to cry?…and more importantly…What the Hell was he crying about? I did my best to comfort him, wondering if perhaps this was some type of test. But if it was a test…what was he testing? My sympathy? My compassion? I should think it's pretty obvious by now that my feelings for Angelus are emotionally deep and passionate. I can't imagine he'd have any doubts, or feel the need to test me after this past week of testing me.
I was getting completely soaked, and the cold rain was chilling me to the bone. I began to shake as I continued to massage Angelus' head with my frozen fingers. It took several more minutes of Angelus' shaking, before he slowly began to lift his head to look into my face. At first glance, I didn't notice anything different. And then I looked into his eyes; The window to his mind, and now…his soul.
I shot back from Angelus, stumbling backwards and catching myself with my hands on the cool cement of the balcony. The soaking wet sheets remained plastered to my skin like a mold that had been painted on to me.
It was different. Everything was suddenly so different. And…Angelus was different. The look of desire and passion was gone, and replaced by something that left me feeling as if I was witnessing the torture of Christ. Just from looking into his eyes, I could feel the tears form in my eyes, but I held them back - wanting to know what was happening before I reacted in any way.
His eyes weren't cold and icy. Now they were warm and hot…like fire. I wanted to look away, for the depth of his gaze was almost too much to handle. But something inside me compelled me not to run, not to look away…until I knew. Until I knew exactly what was happening, and exactly why I felt like I was now with an entirely different person. I opened my mouth to try to speak, but what words could I find? Anything other than "Duh" would have suited me nicely, but I knew that if I attempted to use my voice right now…"Duh" was all I would hear myself say. So I kept quiet a little longer.
My heart was racing, and my temples were pounding. I'd never known they could do that. I'd never been this nervous in my entire life, and now I had come to find that I was shivering not only from the rain, but from the realization that Angelus wasn't here right now, and that someone else was in his body.
It was several minutes until I finally opened my mouth to speak. Angelus' eyes left me, to look at the ground…my leg…my hands. "A-Angelus, what-"
"I'm not," he cut me off, speaking in a low, shattered tone that sounded like nothing Angelus was capable of. Angelus' tones, even in the most fragile state, always carried a hint of pride and ego. His voice was always strong, even when he was not. His voice never broke like it did now.
"You're not what?" I asked, my own strength fumbling as I tried to hold in my tears. I felt my voice breaking as I began to cry. It felt as if I was choking on a hard lump of pain. I couldn't swallow. Have you ever had that feeling? As you start to cry, your throat feels like it's stuck by some immovable force, and there's nothing that you can do about it.
But the feeling passed as I finally began to cry when Angelus said, "I'm not him."
It was what I'd guessed. What I'd suspected. So why was I so upset? The shock of it. I knew I should be questioning. Begging for answers. But I couldn't think of what to say. My heart was breaking as I realized Angelus had left me - even if it wasn't willingly. From out of nowhere, I suddenly stopped my broken sobbing and asked 'Angelus'…"Who are you?"
His eyes shot to mine immediately, as if he hadn't been expecting me to say a thing. I held my breath as I awaited a response. I looked him directly in the eye, wanting to be able to confirm what he said when he finally answered, with what I saw in his eyes…Or WHO I saw in his eyes. Angelus' eyes, even when he seemed like he could not be revealed to the world, always told me exactly what I needed to know. They betrayed his inner most thoughts; desires; truths. There was no way that his eyes could lie…even if they were not Angelus' eyes at the moment, but the eyes of a stranger. The eyes were the same. And they would tell me what I needed to know.
"I'm not him," he repeated. His lower lip was shaking, and his eyes darted back and forth like a confused leopard that was looking for every possible exit. He began to move. Slowly, he got to his knees, and then to his feet. I looked up at him; watched him. He looked up at the dark sky; the rain slapping his face like cold hands. "I'm not him," I heard him whisper again.
Timidly, I stood up, being careful to keep the sheet molded to me as best I could to cover my nude form. I moved slowly, as if I was trying to keep him from bolting off into the night in fear. "W-who are you?" I repeated my question, wanting to know now more than ever.
He lower his gaze from the sky, to look at me. I noticed that he no longer stood with the same pride as Angelus. He kind of slumped a little; his shoulders lowered in submission, and his head held just high enough for him to see straight. When he looked at me, his shaking features were Angelus - but it seemed as if they belonged to a completely different person…and I suppose that now, they did.
"A-Angel," he whispered, and then dropped his gaze from my face, to the floor.
I took the time to wrack my brain. Had I ever heard of Angel? Had anything in Darla's diary spoken of Angelus being associated with someone or something named Angel? And suddenly it hit me. I'd read a passage nearer to the end of the journal, written around 1903 - that had never made sense to me…until now.
And when it happened, I dared to believe he would stay. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy Angelus' cruelty and completely dominating, forceful nature. It was more or less that I was in dire need of a change after 100 years together. I consulted the Oracles about the arrival of this Angel. They had given me this message…
"If Angelus in himself, as a soul, has the desire and the strength to pull himself from the depths of Hell - it will not be eternal. Eternal reign in his own flesh with a soul shall come only when he has found that which compels him to live. Only that which is worth the venture to Heaven and Earth."
At the time, I had thought this meant the worst - that now that Angelus loved me, he would surely feel I was worthy of granting the gift of his soul. But only after did I realize that Angelus never truly cared for me with his soul. I was merely a passing amusement. Something that lasted, but only because it could be abandoned at his own will…And picked up whenever he felt he wanted it.
So when the soul left after only a day, I found myself glad in a way. I had my consort back, and he was more vicious than ever. I had only passing regrets that Angelus hadn't found me worthy enough to bestow the gift of his love. Angelus told me after his day as the Angel, that it was as if he was trapped. Trapped in total darkness with nothing but a small window to look out of. He could see everything…But he had no control. No power.
I can only image what a loss of power, would do to a vampire.
I suddenly understood what Darla had been talking about. Angel, was what Angelus was called when he had a soul. And a hundred years ago, Angel had been freed from the depths of Hell for a day, as if to determine whether it was worth exerting himself to try to stay, or if he should simply give in and allow the demon control over his body. So did this mean that Angelus would be back in a day, or would Angel find a reason to stay this time? It confused me because I wasn't sure what it was that would compel Angel to stay. Could it be that whatever he desired, was here now…and that I may never see Angelus again?
I could only pray that was not so.
"You can't understand now," he spoke, trying to stable the tremble of his voice as best he could, so that I could understand him.
"Understand what?" I asked.
He stepped towards me, and I backed up a step. Turning slightly, he moved to go inside, but first held out a hand to motion me inside out of the rain. Once inside, I quested again, "understand what?"
"What's to be," he whispered, his eyes darting over everything in the room. His gaze finally fell upon the bed, and he stopped moving completely. He was silent for several long moment before he spoke again. During those moments, I had absolutely no idea what I was to think. But think, I did. Why was Angel here now? What had happened to restore him? Pain? Jealousy? What had jolted Angel from the depths of Hell to stand where he stood now, only paces away from me.
**
My gaze landed on the bed; the top sheet was gone, wrapped around the petite, gorgeous blonde to my left. The bottom sheet and blankets lay amongst the pillows and clothing…It was the scene of passion. Of desire. It was obvious what had happened there, to even the most feeble of minds. Virginity, stolen by a demon and given by a goddess. It was so wrong. So wrong. Buffy was promised to me as my reward. And now, it was as though Angelus had made her love him - convinced her that she existed solely for his satisfaction and passions.
He'd taken my gift's most precious possession…as if it were his own to take. I had wanted it, but not to 'take' it. I wanted to receive it after spending all the time in the world convincing this precious beauty that I loved her with the depths of eternity and the length of tomorrow.
She stood just a few feet from me; shivering from the feeling of the cold, damp sheets that guarded her nude form from my vision. I stepped towards her, and the pain inside me lessened when I realized that she was not moving away from me. I moved closer again, and she made no move to leave where she stood.
**
My mind was whirling. What was I expected to do? Was I to treat him as a stranger? A thief that had taken my lover's body, if only for a day? Or was I to treat him as I would treat Angelus, to show Angelus that I loved everything about him - including the soul which he had not previously possessed. I wanted to move; do something; react in any way.
But I couldn't.
My fear, confusion, and exhaustion held me where I was, even as Angel inched closer to me. When finally he stood before me, he took my hand and looked into my eyes. He had finally stopped shaking, but the tortured look remained in his eyes, now accompanied by intrigue and desire.
I, myself, felt the desire to take him in my arms and make love to him for the second time. I couldn't help the trickle of moisture that gathered between my legs as I stood before Angelus…or now, Angel.
And then his head moved down to my own, and he pressed his lips against mine. My breath hitched in my chest for a moment as I considered what I should be doing. I should pull away. I should resist this delicious temptation. But no, I couldn't resist or doing anything that I knew I should. You couldn't even imagine the pull I felt; in my head and in my heart. It wanted me to go in one direction: Out the door…Yet my soul knew it was right to stay. Should I listen to common sense? Or should I suppress the little voice that told me this was wrong, and simply live for the moment?
I think it was pretty clear as I lifted my free hand to wrap around Angel's neck; what I had decided to do. Danger and bad decisions be damned! All I wanted was to feel his body against my own…his lips against mine.
**
I didn't intend to kiss her. I just found my resistance was none. I certainly didn't mean to pull her body tight against mine. And I certainly didn't mean to grind my hard member into her stomach. But as she ground back against me…I was certainly glad that I did. I could hear her heart beat increasing. I could feel her blood rushing through her veins. I could smell her blood…
**
Suddenly Angel pushed me away. I looked at him, panting to catch the breath he took away with just that kiss. The pool of desire between my legs was growing with every passing second, because as my eyes swept over him once again…there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything. With Angelus, the kisses had been consuming and possessive. Now they held a longing and desire that I couldn't get enough of. It was contagious.
"Why did you stop?" I finally asked, pressing a finger to my lips to try to remember the gentle pressure of his lips from just moments before.
"You don't know me," he whispered slowly; refusing to look me straight in the eyes as he spoke. "You want me because of what you had with him…and I don't want to be wanted like he was."
It dawned on me then that maybe I was placing my desire for Angelus onto Angel. Sure, I wanted the body just the same…but I didn't know the soul. It dawned on me that maybe I wanted to. And I literally had all day to know about him. Something about that thought intrigued me. If I got to know what Angelus was like before he lost his soul, maybe I could become closer to him. I could use today as a Learning Experience.
The only problem would be resisting Angel. I wanted to learn so much…but at the same time, I wanted his body. As juvenile and 'hormonish' as that may sound. It was incredibly true. I had to think of some way to distract myself from the gorgeous man in front of me that obviously wanted me, and the fact that I was nearly naked and dying to have him.
"Breakfast?" I finally found a word that didn't sound like a come on.
He quirked an eyebrow at me
~~
Down in the kitchen, I did my best to make breakfast. I knew Angelus didn't need to eat, but I didn't necessarily want to focus on the fact that he was a vampire, because from the tortured look that had returned to Angel's eyes…I could tell that blood was the last thing that he wanted to be reminded of needing. So scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon would have to suffice.
Needless to say, Angel and I had both dressed. I put on a pair of simple baby blue jogging pants and a black and white zip-up sweater, and swept my hair up into a simple bun. I had also managed to find a pair of jeans and a black sweater for Angel, that was in my uncle's closet.
My mind was whirling with a million thoughts as I tried to focus on the fact that I had just accidentally dumped about two tablespoons of salt into the eggs accidentally. I cursed under my breath as I snapped to reality, and scooped out as much of the white salt as I could. Flicking it into the sink, I did my best to pretend like I didn't notice Angel's intense and mildly amused gaze on my back.
The toast popped up, and I went to work buttering it. Finishing with that, I realized that my eggs were burning…was it even possible for eggs to burn? From the look of the smoke as I rushed to shut off the burner they were on…I realized that yes, eggs could, indeed, burn. I took a deep breath and tried to just stay calm as I ruined the meal. Finally I served portions to my two, waiting plates, and turned to face the music.
Setting a plate of food in front of Angel where he sat at the kitchen table, and one in front of my own spot, I smiled and said, "Bon Appetite!" trying to muster up as much enthusiasm as I could, although I had very little faith in my meal.
~~
After Angel choked his way through my eggs, toast, and bacon; I did the dishes up and set two cups of coffee out for us. And then we sat at the table…and sat…and sipped…and listened to the deafening tone of silence.
I didn't know what I should say…what I could say. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to be doing here. My plan had been to learn about Angel…but I was getting the feeling that if I learned about the soul, I may never be the same with Angelus when he returns…if he returns. The last thing I want to do, is fall in love with a soul that won't still be here tomorrow.
Finally, it was Angel who broke the thought-filled silence.
"You want him back," he said; his eyes finally connecting with mine. It was more of a statement than a question, but I answered it anyways.
"I want that feeling back," I admitted. "This feels so…I don't know. Not wrong for some reason, because it almost feels like I knew this was going to happen. But…not right, because I don't see how it can be." I frowned then and muttered under my breath, "that definitely made no sense."
"I understand," he whispered. "But…it wasn't supposed to be like this."
"It wasn't?" I asked. "What was it supposed to be like then?" I felt emotions creeping into my voice. "I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I mean…I made love with Angelus, and now you're here. Will Angelus be back? And when?…And if I ever make love to him again, will you be there right after?"
"I know you have questions-"
"Yeah, because I just asked them all," sarcasm dripped from my voice. And by the hurt look in his face, I knew the sarcasm wasn't helping. I felt a little bad. "I'm sorry," I told him.
"You shouldn't be," he said. "I know this is all confusing. To me, too. But…I have to know what you know about me before we can figure any of this out. I know everything Angelus knows about you…I know everything Angelus knows…everything he did…" Angel's voice broke off as he tried to continue speaking.
Silence fell over the room as I tried to think of what to do next. I looked up to the ceiling, as if the answer was written up there somewhere. I shut my eyes and tried to think; but no thought was clear. Everything was so messed up…so confusing. Dear God, all I needed was a little clarity here. I needed to know what I was supposed to do…what I was supposed to feel…and think.
"Can you show me?" Angel's voice cut into my thoughts.
Looking into his eyes suddenly, I found that I didn't need to ask what he was taking about. I just knew where he wanted me to take him.
I stood up and nodded, "come on." Extending my hand for him to take, I waited for him to accept it and then stand. When finally he did, I was so close to him that I was sure he could hear the racing of my heart. I looked up into his eyes and tried to think of something to say. But I couldn't say a thing. Instead of speaking, I finally just turned and led him from the room.
**
I followed Buffy; this precious beauty; this wonderful goddess; this light of hope - to the study, where I knew she had found the journal. I had every memory of Angelus, and it was hard enough to deal with the torture and pain he…I…had inflicted on so many, without having to worry about staying in control of this body now as well. But I had to do it. I couldn't allow Angelus to return to killing and torturing. I had to find a way to stop him. Learning as much as I could about why I had been brought back, would help me now to figure out how to keep in control, and keep Angelus locked away.
The last time I had returned to my body, when Darla had been around, I had finally decided that the only way to rid the world of Angelus was to kill myself. But Darla had stopped me again and again throughout the day. I knew that if I tried now, Buffy would stop me…or at least, try to stop me.
Stepping in to the study, I felt the imprints of everything that had ever happened in this room; crushing in all around me. Memories of torture, murder, and every form of violent pain infliction possible, crumbled my control. I did not need to breathe, but my breath quickened just the same as if I was alive - being choked by some unseen hands that I could not remove from my neck. I took a step back, my eyes darting all around me as if I could see the countless murders happening in this very room and the rooms that lay hidden beyond the tall walls that surrounded me.
My composure cracked. My mind went dark. I suddenly stopped looking…stopped breathing…stopped moving. All I could do was stand there. My mind was filled with thoughts. I knew I should get out of the study if I wanted to retain my sanity, but I couldn't seem to make myself move. I felt almost as if sanity was too good for a demon as awful as I am.
**
I watched his reactions, until finally he stopped reacting at all. Angel stood in front of me for several minutes; just standing there. I could only imagine what he was feeling. With the memories of pain and torture that must belong to a vampire like Angelus, I don't know how long I would be able to go on living before I asked the Gods to kill me. I wouldn't feel worthy of the life that I had deprived so many others of. This realization made me wonder…
Why did Angelus feel that he was worthy of love? Of affection and passion and everything else that comes along with the life that he loved to destroy. Was it true that he really had no soul for me to possess? Was the souled-version of my former lover before me now, the only chance I had of ever truly being loved with compassion? Was Angel really my gift? The one that I was supposed to fall for?
My focus fell back to Angel, as he stood shivering before me. His entire body shook with memories; his demeanor clouded with angst and regret. All I wanted was to ease his pain. Even if I didn't know the soul, I knew what it felt like to be in pain. Who could possibly enjoy it? I took a step forward, and stopped. I wondered briefly if I shouldn't touch Angel. What would Angelus think?
**I am ready for love Why are you hiding from me I'd quickly give my freedom To be held in your captivity**
**
My thoughts were coming in whispers - barely audible from one another. She was closer than before. I turned to face her. I knew she had started to come towards me, but stopped. God, all I wanted to do was hold her. I didn't care about what happened in the future. I just wanted to hold her and feel some sort of comfort from the pain of my mind. I closed the distance between us until I could look directly into her eyes, though it meant looking down because she was so much shorter than I was.
She looked into my own eyes with a look of question. But beyond the questions and confusion, was a hint of fondness. Her aura was unfailingly tender, and I couldn't resist wishing she was mine. As selfish as that may be.
**
I reached a hand up. Moving slowly; hesitating. Angel closed his eyes for a moment as I finally laid my hand on his cheek. I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was supposed to be doing. All I new was that this felt right somehow. Like I should have been comforting him from the very beginning.
**I am ready for love All of the joy and the pain**
"I wish I knew what you thought," I finally found words to speak. Angel opened his eyes to look at me, and once again I was met with that same gaze of regret. It was like looking into a river of remorse that would flood over if one more terrible mistake was added.
Overcome with emotions that I didn't have a prayer's chance of sorting out, I raised my head as high as I could until finally I could reach Angel's face. I looked into his eyes as I moved closer, and then finally shut them as I pressed my lips tenderly against his own. The kiss was a comfort. I didn't mean to take it anywhere. I just wanted Angel to feel how I felt, and understand what I was going through. And at the same time, I wanted to know what he was feeling. I wanted a glimpse into the battle for emotional control that raged behind his eyes.
**
Her lips were so soft; so pliant. I pulled her closer, sliding my hands around her tiny waist so that I could feel the warmth of her body. I knew I was cold; I had no body heat for her to feel. Yet the strange mixture of hot and cold as death, seemed to make sense. It felt so right just touching her…even if it was selfish to want something so pure and beautiful after all the pain that my hands have caused.
**And all the time that it takes Just to stay in your good grace**
Her soft body was grinding gently against my own in a slow, suggestive rhythm. I knew we wouldn't act on the suggestion, but it was nice to imagine. I blocked out my darker thoughts, if only for a moment, and just enjoyed the moment. If it turned out that I couldn't stop the return of Angelus tonight, then I wanted a memory to warm me in the cold depths of an eternity in Hell. I wanted to know that I had touched paradise. Held her.
Finally, our lips parted and she gazed into my eyes. "Angel," she spoke softly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. My mind is kind of…umm…screwed," she flinched at her choice of words, and I couldn't help smiling slightly. It was adorable how she fumbled for logic. I raised a hand to her lips and finally spoke for the first time in what seemed like forever, "You don't need to worry." I couldn't resist leaning in to kiss her lips once more. Leaning closer, I whispered in her ear, "you're safe with me."
She pulled her head back to look at me, and took my hand. She tilted her head slightly towards the doorway, and I didn't protest it. I couldn't figure anything out in this room that was filled with nothing but torment.
~~
Time with Angel seemed to fly by. He requested to read Darla's journal, and I sat with him, surrounded by pillows on the floor in the library as he read in front of the fire. I found that I could watch Angel for what seemed like forever, and not grow bored. He simply read; flipping the pages every minute or so, and knowing that I was watching his every move yet not feeling subconscious like most other men would. Angel simply didn't mind if I wanted to stare at him. It was almost as if he placed himself in a position so that I could study him and make up my mind about him…like he was silently giving me the space and time that I needed to decide.
**Lately I've been thinking Maybe you're not ready for me Maybe you think I need to learn maturity**
The air had begun to chill; signaling the approaching sunset. The sudden coolness had prompted me to change into some dark jeans and a baby blue peasant top.
When finally the fireplace barely gave enough light off to see the pages, Angel closed the journal and looked at me. "I can't promise you'll understand any of this," he said a in a low tone. "I can't say that I understand it myself." He lowered his head for a moment and withdrew his hand, and then he looked back to me. "You don't understand what it means to me, to be able to see you…" he raised a hand to cup my cheek tenderly, and I leaned into his cool palm, "…to touch you."
"You were to be my gift," he continued after a pause, "my redemption. The one thing that saved me." I found that I couldn't speak. I could only listen to the soothing tone of his voice, and try to make sense of the things he was telling me. "As Angelus, I've caused pain…so much pain. Usually a vampire doesn't…their soul doesn't remain at all. I don't know why mine has. But every time Angelus regains control…I'm back in that place. That cold, dark place that I can't escape. But every so often, it's like the Gods give me a chance. A day. A day to find a reason strong enough to fight back. Like I have the strength to stay, but I haven't had the will to use it. But Buffy, I…You…" He stopped, his voice suddenly cracking.
**They say watch what you ask for Cause you might receive But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing**
I just waited; listened. There was nothing else for me to do. Finally he finished what he was trying to say, "I prayed for you. Angelus knows that. So he took the one thing I had left to dream for. Buffy, he's taken…" He stopped that thought, and began another, "you're better than him. Better than me. All I want is for you to understand you have a choice to love. A choice to commit yourself to someone. Angelus tries to take your choice; make it seem like you have no option other than him…but you do. I just needed for you to know that now…I have the will to fight back. I don't want Angelus to return to cause more pain…or have you. But if my will and my strength aren't enough…I need you to know you have the choice to love. He can take a lot of things. But he can only have your love when you give it."
He was silent for another moment or so, and then he whispered, "all I ever wanted was that you would give it to me."
I leaned a little closer then, as if being closer would somehow help me to understand everything that Angel was telling me. I'd never felt such a turmoil and conflict of loyalties as I did now.
**I am ready for love Would you please lend me your ear? I promise I won't complain I just need you to acknowledge I am here**
Angelus had been passionate and all-consuming. When I was with him, it was all I could do to make myself breathe. I had to remind myself that my heart needed to beat when I thought of being without him, because that thought alone was enough to make me want to die a thousand deaths. Angelus was protective. I knew he'd stop anyone that ever tried to touch me. No harm could ever become me as long as he was there.
But Angel offers another form of protection. One that was almost more sacred than what Angelus offered me. Angel wanted to protect me completely; mind, body, and soul. He wanted to make sure that I knew I had the choice as to who I loved. Angelus, though passionate and attentive, hadn't offered me the choice. He'd simply insisted that we were To Be. I had no choice, because it was fate. But Angel spoke of a promise that he had been given. I had been promised to enter his life as his redemption. He didn't speak of owning me simply because I was promised to him. He wanted to earn my love and desire. And the way he touched me always felt so soft…like I was so precious to him. Angelus adored me; this I knew. But Angel worshipped me.
"I want you to think with your heart, Buffy," Angel's voice broke my thoughts. "Not your mind." His eyes captured my own and held my gaze as if I was hypnotized. "Love isn't all about loyalty and commitment. It's about just feeling what your soul wants you to feel…not what it's told to feel."
**If you give me half a chance I'll prove this to you I will be patient, kind, faithful and true**
"I don't know what I want to feel," I whispered; finally speaking. "Yesterday, I felt longing. I felt desperation. It was like I was desperate to be a part of what I was destined to be a part of. Now…the choice of this," I raised a hand between Angel and I and dropped it, as if to represent 'Us'. "…It's like suddenly I'm allowed to decide. Just a week ago, I had decided that choice wasn't a necessary luxury."
"Love is all about choice, Buffy," Angel advised. "You can't have love without it. By loving, you are choosing to give someone that precious part of you. By loving, you are choosing to take the lover that they offer in return. You can't simply give your heart away because you've been told that it's your destiny to do so. You have to choose whether or not you want it. You have to choose to love."
So what was my choice? Did I want the passion and obsession that came with Angelus that told me I had no choice but that it didn't matter because choosing him was best? Or did I want the choice to love and be loved in return, not out of obligation but out of honesty and the feeling that it was what I wanted to do…not what I was 'destined' to do.
At that moment, I knew what my choice was. I chose to love. I wanted to love. Not because I was told to…but because it felt right in this moment. This second felt right. I chose to love because I felt it.
**To a man who loves music A man who loves art Respect's the spirit world And thinks with his heart**
I went with my choice.
Moving forward into Angel's arms, I captured his lips with my own and kissed him with all the desire I felt inside of my soul, for him. It took but moments for him to respond and kiss me back. His arms wrapped tightly around my back, and he pulled me closer as I pushed him back onto the pillow-covered floor. Sliding my knees to the floor so that I straddled his hips, I deepened the kiss. His tongue met my own and I felt myself melting under his touch.
Several moments passed of just kissing, until the human need to breathe came over me and we separated lips for a moment. Angel linked his hands through my hair to hold it off my face so that he could look up into my eyes. His eyes burned into me. I had made my choice…now he had to make his. Would he choose the moment, as I had? Or would he stop me?
**I am ready for love If you'll take me in your hands**
He chose the moment, and pulled me down for another kiss. Moving his head to the side so that I had an easier position from which to breathe, he allowed the kiss to grow in intensity once again. Finally he took the lead, and holding me close, he rolled us slowly so that I was beneath him, and he was raised slightly above me. His lips trailed from my lips down my neck. He peppered tiny kisses all over my collarbone and shoulders. His left hand moved to raise my top slightly, and I helped him in the process of sliding it up and off of my body.
Continuing to kiss his way down my body, his hands made quick work of unzipping my jeans and sliding them down my hips until he could toss them away like my shirt. His lips were so soft as he slowly pressed them to my hip bones, and the insides of my thighs. He was driving me crazy so effortlessly. He seemed to know how slow and gentle things should be. I didn't need to imply anything.
He took a moment to look me over; memorizing every curve of my body. I felt self-conscious, and bare…but it felt right. Being open and vulnerable to Angel felt like the right thing to do…somehow.
**I will learn what you teach And do the best that I can**
He worked his way back up my nude form until he could kiss me again. My own hands now traveled down to his shirt, and I managed to pull it over his head and toss it away, barely breaking our kiss for a moment. His pants somehow managed to come off, though I don't really know who saw to that. All I know was that soon, he and I were both completely bare to each other's touch.
I took some time to run my hands down the smooth, sculpted planes of his back. His muscles flexed beneath my touch as I traced my fingers over his biceps. Parting our lips, he looked down into my eyes. I raised one hand to his cheek, and the other to wrap around his neck and pull him even closer.
**
I buried my head in her neck, and tried to memorize everything about this moment. Her skin…her smile…her scent…her embrace. I wanted to remember it all, so that if ever we were apart, I could replay it in my mind during the night.
**I am ready for love**
A part of me was trying to stop what was happening. I didn't want her so overwhelmed and consumed with confusion that she made a decision that she would later regret. But one look in her eyes, and I knew there was no regret. She was trying to remember the moment, as I was. A memory flashed through my mind of Buffy with Angelus. His thoughts echoed loudly in my head from that moment. He had enjoyed himself. There's absolutely no doubt that they had both enjoyed it…but Angelus hadn't had the compassion and sense of self to try to memorize the moment. If he thought back to it now, it was probably just a blur of passion.
**
I raised a hand and lifted Angelus' head from my neck to look up into his eyes. He looked down at me; his gaze was questioning and slightly awe-filled. At the unspoken question, I nodded my head and smiled faintly. Pulling his head down for a kiss, I felt Angel begin to enter me. My first time had been just last night, and it was still painful now, but Angel was moving so slowly that I barely felt the pain, and before I knew it he was entirely inside of me.
He stopped to look down at me, and I swear he was about to cry. I was so overwhelmed by the depth of the moment, that I could barely remember my name…not that it mattered at the moment. I captured Angel's lips for another heavy kiss that took my breath away. His tongue caressed my own…soothing…calming, as he withdrew from my body and thrust in gently once more.
**Here with an offering of…*
Moving into a slow rhythm that hit me in all the right places, Angel continued to lay kisses all over my skin. I raised a hand to massage down his back; the muscles tensing with every movement of his body. My free hand massaged the back of his head as he kissed me every where. Oh God he was gorgeous. So intense. So dark yet so beautiful. And there was no denying my attraction to him. He barely needed to touch me for there to be a river running between my thighs.
**My voice**
His left hand traveled down to my breast, and he began to massage it gently as he continued the gentle rhythm that was slowly driving me out of my senses. His tongue traveled down my neck until he reached the patch of skin above my jugular. He licked at the skin there, and I moaned with the increased stimulation that provided me. Moving on, he nibbled on my earlobe tenderly, the wet nibbling sensation making me shudder and shiver beneath his hands.
**My Eyes**
He looked into my eyes then, and silently confessed, "I dreamed that you'd love me." His words were haunting, almost startling. Instead of being told that it was destiny for my love to be given…now I heard that the reality of it had only been a dream that he thought was too grand to be true. I kissed him softly; a kiss of delicate embrace and sensitive emotion that sent shudders throughout us both. His rhythm increased as I began to moan beneath his weight.
**My soul**
"Angel," I whispered in a breathy voice as his rhythm increased yet again, driving me closer to the edge and closer to completion. "I want to love you," my spoken whisper drove Angel to an even greater pace than before. My hands glided over his back as he thrust into me. His rhythm got harder…faster…deeper. Soon I could barely contain myself and my excitement. With one more stroke, he pushed me over the edge and into oblivion. I let out a light shriek that Angel caught with his lips as he kissed me until I could barely breathe. Everything was spinning. Everything was black. He was close to the edge; I could feel it.
**My mind**
And finally I felt him peak. His rhythm sped even more for just a moment, and as it did I found myself being pushed into a second orgasm as the first was just starting to end. I cried out once more, and bit down on his neck as I came. This seemed to drive him even crazier as my blunt teeth left a mark in his cold skin. I could hear him grinding his teeth, resisting the urge to bite into me. I wanted him to bite me. I wanted him to take all of me…but I resisted the urge to pull his head to my neck so that he could taste me. I knew it was the last thing he wanted to do with all that had gone on today.
**Tell me what is enough To prove I am ready for love**
Everything calmed then. It slowed and when I opened my eyes, it was to look up into Angel's tender face. He had tears forming behind his eyes, and I smiled softly at him. He leaned down and kissed me gently…a sign of promise and reassurance. It was all I needed to complete the moment.
This time was different then the last…Angel was still here. I had time to catch my breath. I had time to take it all in. And I found that when I did…I wanted to cry. I bit my lower lip to stop the tears from falling, and looked into his eyes. His weight was a comfort as he covered me with his body.
We were silent as we held each other…not wanting to break the moment or the mood. The silence was all that we needed to here. The flickering light of the fireplace danced off our skin, shadowing his gorgeous facial features as he looked down at me. His eyes were so dark, and for a moment…there was no pain in them. No remorse. No regret. No sorrow over what he had done. His eyes were peaceful…tender…and loving. What was I going to do now? Love the demon?…or the beauty of the soul?
**I am ready…**
...tbc???